Attention. (Rant)

[klytus]

Greetings,

I don't usually have problems with attention of the "professional" kind. Like, explaining something to someone or some group, even if it's wrong and I am going to be corrected - that's acceptable, since it's my education and I won't have a chance to excel, should nobody make me aware of my mistakes.

However, if it's everyday attention like people looking at you when your dog is barking or you dropped something unintentionally in a shopping center - which causes an unpleasant sequence of events ( *drop* -> damage to the dropped object + loud noise -> people look at you -> people expect you to do something about it + people laugh at you -> *blush* + *sweat* ) - or your stomach is making noises, or you have to sneeze, and so on, it's really bad.

Like half an hour ago, I went outside to walk my dog, and she barked once we left the building, then a - unfortunately quite attractive - girl crossed my way, already looking at me like a pregnant nanny goat caught in the headlight - that's what girls usually do -, and my dog started barking at her, for no obvious reason. It's impressive every time such a thing happens, how people have that look on their face full of hatred towards me.

I hate loud noises. It really hurts my ears. My dog kept barking for the next minute, then we entered the forest, and much to my discontent, we met another dog, which made my dog resume the barking. I am not mad at her, it's in her nature.

Thanks for listening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG6KSfYo2Iw&fmt=18

Cheers,
Klytus.

 

[klytus]

Ah, yes, and the statistical significance of the following is intriguing, too: I take very good care of my bodily hygiene in general. Still, naturally there are days - especially those I know I won't really meet anyone - I am unwilling to invest time into, say, combing my hair, shaving, etc. Those are the days I look worse than I usually do. For some reason, it happens often enough that exactly on those days, I meet someone who then looks at me as if I was some hobo, with that typical debasing stare. Happens way too often. I am probably just more self-conscious then.

Then there's the tendency of mine to downgrade myself (like my physical appearance, and other superficial aspects) such that nobody finds me attractive enough to try to have a conversation with me. Do you ever downgrade that way?

 

[richi1173]

I feel the same way.

Everyday I walk in my uni and I hate the way people look at me: like I'm just some idiot. I wish they would just ignore me. It just shines a bright spotlight on you and makes you trip (which happened to me yesterday) or do something stupid which makes them laugh at you.

I also look like a fat hobo. I walked into my Comparative Economic Systems class and everybody is just so clean, muscular, and dressed perfectly. It makes me depressed just thinking about it. I'm trashed compared to them. fml

 

[klytus]

I also look like a fat hobo. I walked into my Comparative Economic Systems class and everybody is just so clean, muscular, and dressed perfectly. It makes me depressed just thinking about it. I'm trashed compared to them.

Yes, I still remember vividly how my classmates in high-school would throw their trash at me, saying something like "look at the living garbage can".

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

Yes, I still remember vividly how my classmates in high-school would throw their trash at me, saying something like "look at the living garbage can".

That's a damn shame. People are cruel.

 

[klytus]

That's a damn shame. People are cruel.

Indeed. Though, most people will at some point in their lives experience mobbing. It's just extremely hard to forget certain things, and the thought alone makes you much more self-conscious than necessary.

 

[just_shadows]

GAH that's not fun, to say the least.
you know... i would talk to you no matter how you look ^___^
you're just too awesome for me not to
((((hug))))

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Klytus, how bad could you possibly be to warrant hateful looks from people? I'm sure that there are miserable and hateful people out and about, but I can't believe that most people look at you with hatred. You know, I've never seen a picture of you on the forum.

 

[klytus]

In reality, irrespective of how abysmal someone's looks are, nobody will ever hate the person for that. It's not really the looks. However, since I am miserable, the emotions that appear to emanate from me cause others to feel that way, even before getting to know me.

And, well, looks are significant to a certain degree. Like Richi said above, "everybody is just so clean, muscular, and dressed perfectly". Well, everybody except those who aren't, but for them their open personality compensates for the lack of physical attractiveness.

Plus that others can feel if someone is in mental distress. That makes the person in question look much worse than he/she would look in a neutral situation.

Eventually nobody really cares. Nothing is truly important, no awkward moment, or loud noise - it's all transient.

 

[danstelter]

In reality, irrespective of how abysmal someone's looks are, nobody will ever hate the person for that. It's not really the looks. However, since I am miserable, the emotions that appear to emanate from me cause others to feel that way, even before getting to know me.

This probably cuts right to the heart of the matter. People are judged mostly based on their nonverbal cues and if those cues are strong, they can have strong effects on others. You could dress like a total slob and if you were this laughing and enjoyable personality, people would still love you. Everybody loved Chris Farley right, but he was still a fat sweaty pig, was he not? I loved him even though he was far from the most physically attractive person in the world.

Physical attractiveness has something to do with it at some degree, and if you want to make it in this world, you just have to maintain some standard of personal hygiene and looks that people in the dominant culture in your nation are expecting. In America here, if I were to come to work unshaven and not having showered in several days, and I came in shorts and a T-shirt instead of appropriate business casual wear, I would be sent home in a hear beat. When I go out casually, I don't maintain quite as high a level of personal hygiene because frankly, I don't give a damn what other people think and it's not harming my life to live that way. I don't go out of my way to comb my hair or shave when I'm not at work either. It sounds like you are maintaining an adequate level of hygiene and are probably just taking things a little too hard in relation to your percpeption of how people see you, although some people will respond to you more positively if you were to step it up a notch, but that's only if you really want their attention, and if you don't want their attention, that's fine.

People around you will change once you change yourself. Changing your emotional self and working on making yourself a happier and more balanced person is the surest way to success, so if you want people around you to react better to you, that is the best place to start. Good luck, and I hope I didn't offend you with the way I stated things.