Asked somebody out (don't get excited)

[aj]

Edit: I don't know what the point of posting this is. It's hardly positive. I guess I just need to let it out if that's okay :/

She's been where I work for a couple of months. She's occasionally been joining our department for training, so we've seen each other more than once, talked a tiny bit. She's nice.

The most important thing is that she doesn't know me well enough to pity me like everyone else does, so this was asking somebody out for real.

Tried to catch her on her way into work for the last couple of days but threw away the chances to say hi. I was kicking myself this morning. This afternoon she had her break on her own in the tiny lunch room, and I managed to get myself to go in after she'd been in there for a few minutes.

[Hiya/we say something about it being warm]
"Um... would you like to do something some time?"
"Sorry?" (you can see it's already going great)
"Would you like to do something some time? A drink after work..."
"Err, I can't tonight"
"Or somewhen next week?"
"Yeah I'll see"

(or words to the same effect)

I say I'll give her my number. Probably the wrong thing to do but I know I've blown it. So I do that and take it round the other side of the desks to her, knowing full well it's going straight in the bin.

Everything was going great. It's Friday, the weather's good, it's a dress down day, feeling the tiniest bit confident... then I go in the door, my mind goes over to autopilot, I go bright red, and my voice goes up a few octaves.

I felt like a kid asking his teacher out and I'm sure that's what it looked like too. I'm 21. I wouldn't want to go out with me.

The embarrassment was up there with school plays and I have never felt disappointment like that before.

It's scary really because no matter what I do before hand... I can imagine myself doing it perfectly... when I get into the real life situation, bang, I lose control of everything and I turn into a little kid. No warning. It feels like if I'd done it in a different place then it might have been different, but I know that the same thing would have happened.

Well I now know what it feels like to know that there's no hope as soon as you've opened your mouth.

I can't believe that I managed to get myself to do it, and I can't believe that I messed up the extremely rare chance that I got.

I'll be reliving this one for a few nights.

 

[aj]

It is terrible. It hits you like a truck doesn't it.

In fact, can I ask, in that situation where she'd just said 'I'll see', should I have asked for her number too? Another thing I do remember is that I suggested giving her my number. If I hadn't, she wasn't going to ask for it. That's not a good thing is it?

When I left she did say goodbye to me like everyone else did, and it didn't look like it affected her much. She probably just found it funny.

 

[NightTimeForever]

Well, at least you had the courage to ask someone out, man. I haven't even done that, and I've been given some pretty obvious signs. One girl (co-worker) about a year ago said she liked me and I hardly responded b/c it was so awkward and sudden (it was accompanied by less obvious signs tho). Laer on that night as I was passing her and this one other girl (they were talking). The other girl said something like "he's an idiot," lol which I'm pretty sure she was referring to me and my non-responsiveness.

I regret not doing anything, she was a little hottie.

 

[aj]

Thanks guys.

No, she didn't laugh at me which was surprising. She did say that she wasn't free that evening so maybe she got the wrong end of the stick until I gave her my number. I could go over and over this for a long time...

I know that I should be glad that I did it. I guess I am, but I pictured it so differently. I don't know how I got myself to do it and I don't know if I will be able to again. I did everything you "shouldn't" do too, like saying 'oh, any time' after she said she was busy on Friday.

I'm paranoid about the small things now. Was the bit of paper that I wrote my number on way too small? Did I even write my own number!?

You want to know a funny thing? The night before I purposely spent five minutes writing my number on half-a-postcard sized pieces of paper, folded the most legible one in half and brought it with me on Friday, thinking that she'd be less likely to lose it I couldn't just say it to her. I walked out of that room and wrote my number down knowing full well that I already had it in my pocket! :lol: She was stood there and said 'thanks' when I put it down, but then she went out to do something. Knowing my luck it blew straight onto the floor to be picked up by the person who normally sits there on Monday.

If she calls me it'll honestly be the happiest day of my life. Do you think I am placing too much importance on this? :lol:

 

[aj]

Also (sorry), I've now found her on Facebook because it's just told me that someone else at work has become friends with her. I know that the ball is in her court, but would if be a bad idea to send her a message to say sorry about the other day, but I meant what I said?

 

[Dave_McFadden]

In fact, can I ask, in that situation where she'd just said 'I'll see', should I have asked for her number too?

Yes, you definitely should have. That way you could have called her the following week, if she really meant what she said.

Another thing I do remember is that I suggested giving her my number. If I hadn't, she wasn't going to ask for it. That's not a good thing is it?

Nope. Although, maybe she was startled or surprised and didn't think to ask.

Well, congratulations on working up the balls to ask in the first place. Obviously, that's not always easy. Maybe you two will go out next week after all. Good luck.

 

[aj]

Okay. Points taken.

I think she's going to come in quickly tomorrow morning to give a CD back to someone else... I suppose I'll find out what she thinks when she either looks at me or completely ignores me.

 

[aj]

In fact, can I ask, in that situation where she'd just said 'I'll see', should I have asked for her number too?

Yes, you definitely should have. That way you could have called her the following week, if she really meant what she said.

Another thing I do remember is that I suggested giving her my number. If I hadn't, she wasn't going to ask for it. That's not a good thing is it?

Nope. Although, maybe she was startled or surprised and didn't think to ask.

Well, congratulations on working up the balls to ask in the first place. Obviously, that's not always easy. Maybe you two will go out next week after all. Good luck.

It just felt wrong to suddenly say "give me your phone number," because I haven't talked much to her. She did seem surprised that I asked, and/or didn't quite get what I meant until I said I'd give her mine, so maybe that's why she didn't ask. Does it really matter that much... she'll call me if she's interested, right?

 

[aj]

Not that it changes anything but when do I know that she's very likely not going to call me? The end of the week? Please don't say yesterday...

 

[Remus]

whatever happens atleast you had the balls to do it (ask her out) and that counts for a hell of a lot in the SP world, pat yourself on the back reguardless!

8)

 

[aj]

I guess. But I have to be honest, it was still mostly down to luck. :|

There's not really anyone else I fancy. If she isn't interested then I need to go out somewhere. What could I be doing right now, 8:10pm on a week night, for the sole intention of meeting girls, that isn't something I have to join up for (ie. classes and things)? Work is useless!

That sounds horrible, but I really only want to meet one person who likes me.

 

[aj]

BTW - she goes into the lunch room which is right next to me two or three times every day. Everyone has to walk within a couple of metres of me. Is it alright to say hi to her occasionally? Why would that be wrong? Is this the stupidest question ever?

 

[aj]

Okay, I'll try that. There you go, a small goal - say 'hi xxx,' which can be hard as you probably know. Luckily it seems that she generally comes in at the same times so I can get myself ready for her coming round the corner.

 

[JonnyD]

oh man! you had the guts to actually ask her! it's sure a positive thing! no matter how it turned out... i don't even have the guts to say hi to that cute girl that passes by me everyday.

what's the advantage to hold it to you? if you had kept it to you you would probably be complaning to youserf full of remorse. I know it, i do it everyday ....

 

[PhantomPod]

Oh man, that is so great that you worked up the courage to ask her out! Way to go! Ideally, it would have been better if you had gotten her number, but I definitely see how that would've been more difficult and could've seemed weird. Either way, mad props for asking her out and slipping her your number. I hope she calls you!

I'd say to give her until the end of this week to call you, and then you can sort of forget about it and at least know that you tried. But in the meantime, definitely say "hi" to her when you get the chance and smile and act as friendly as possible. Good luck!

 

[aj]

Today was odd. She joined us again for a couple of hours and sat right in front of me. Said a couple of things to me... she didn't really seem to be ignoring me, or doing the opposite, just doing the same as she had before. You wouldn't think anything had happened. Maybe I imagined it all?

When I said goodbye to everyone she quietly said 'byeee' but she was probably being nice. Tried to say bye to her individually after that but nobody would have heard it.

Still no call but then again she was in the call centre until 8pm. I'm so boring she's probably forgotten that she even has my number anyway.

Hmph... could I mention it to someone else to put a good word in for me? Don't people with friends do that?

 

[aj]

Thanks for your help guys. This just ended on a good note.

I sent her a message on Facebook, not to pester her but just to say that I didn't mean to make her uncomfortable, because I hate leaving things like that. She sent me a really nice reply - she's got a boyfriend and is going to see him in Canada next week. She was surprised that I asked what I did because she wasn't expecting it, but said that she appreciated it. I heard before that she was going to Canada so it's probably true.

Of course by answering like that she's proven that she is a nice person, which just makes me like her more. But for once it is a definite thing and that's it, full stop.

Still doesn't make finding someone else any easier though :/

 

[aj]

This girl seemed really nice. But I didn't really know anything else about her. Asking someone out based on something like that - thinking they are nice after being around them a little but - is that insulting? If you both know you know nothing about each other and you asked almost purely on face value? If you get what I mean?