I've
never had a job before in my life (I'm 26, 27 in January) because of my life-long fear of being around/socializing with people. For years, I couldn't even leave the house. I've been getting help since September of '07, & have been going to a place that's been trying to help me find a job since around this time last year, but I still haven't found one because of my lack of experience. I haven't even gotten a call-back or an interview. We are in dire need of money. It's just me & my disabled mother in the home & all we have is the money she gets from S.S.I., which is very, very little.
The help I've been getting has helped in a lot of ways, but has done nothing for my social issues. I'm terrified of getting a job & at this rate & in this economy, in this town, it seems as though I'm never going to get one. I don't think I could handle a job. I've been getting so much help that they're even helping me with school & I'll begin in January. I worry I won't be deal with it. I'm afraid it'll all be too overwhelming & I'll quit or something.
My therapist suggested that I go on S.S.I. & I told her "No," that I don't want to become one of those people. Everyone who knows me already thinks so badly of me as it is, & I don't want to make things even worse. She told me that no one needs to know & eventually she convinced me to do it. She says there's really no way I'll be turned down. I worry, though, that they'll see the fact that I'm starting school & be like, "Well, if she can go to school, she can surely get a job." If I actually am approved, though, I'm only doing it until I find a job & am sure I can keep it, then giving it up immediately (the S.S.I., not the job).
The problem is, she was sending my case over to someone who could help me through the whole application process. She said the person would call me within a week, but I never heard a thing from them. The last time I saw my counselor, she must have forgotten the fact that she put in the request because, while I was telling her about all our money problems & overdue bills, she asked why I don't apply for benefits. I didn't bring it up. I was too afraid to (that's just how I am, I'm afraid to ever bring things) up). So now, I don't know what to do.
We can't go on living this way, my hopes of finding a job seem non-existent, & getting government assistance is my only option. But I'm too afraid to start the whole thing myself. I don't know what to do. I was looking on the SSA website & the whole process just seems far too daunting. I'd mess something up & get denied if I tried it myself. I hope I can gain the courage to say something to her about it. Because of the holiday, she's on vacation, & I don't see her again until Dec. 10. I hope I can bring something up. We need money more than anything & I can't do it by myself. I doubt I'll be able to bring it up, though. I'll be too scared. So I don't know what to do.
Sorry for the long message lol, & if it was a little off-topic.
