are you socially anxious around your parents?

[ScaredToBreathe]

Are or were you socially anxious when interacting with your mom or dad or immediate family? If so, what made you so anxious? Is there a reason or possible factors for feeling SA around people you live with and grew up with? Did it ever improve? What about your family's social lifestyle? Were they quiet people? Were they very outgoing? Did they have friends over often or hold parties? Did they keep to themselves or not have many contacts? Please tell me your thoughts.

I can talk fine with my mom now but when I was younger I remember getting frustrated or throwing temper tantrums because I was too anxious to ask/tell her something and fearful of a negative response. It was irrational, as my mom is a pretty nice person, not someone who would always say "no" or be rejecting.

My dad I was always anxious around and do not know what to say to him and still can't hold a conversation with him. It's even worse because he doesn't fully understand/empathize with my SA and thinks I don't like talking to him because of him, not me. When I was little my mom took care of me mostly, my dad would be at work or out with friends and at home he would be the main discipliner and would yell a lot if I got in trouble, which made me very fearful and I still get very scared when people yell. I think I withdrew and refrained from saying anything around him to prevent being yelled at.

 

[Graeme1988]

Are or were you socially anxious when interacting with your mom or dad or immediate family? If so, what made you so anxious? Is there a reason or possible factors for feeling SA around people you live with and grew up with? Did it ever improve? What about your family's social lifestyle? Were they quiet people? Were they very outgoing? Did they have friends over often or hold parties? Did they keep to themselves or not have many contacts? Please tell me your thoughts.

I can talk fine with my mom now but when I was younger I remember getting frustrated or throwing temper tantrums because I was too anxious to ask/tell her something and fearful of a negative response. It was irrational, as my mom is a pretty nice person, not someone who would always say "no" or be rejecting.

My dad I was always anxious around and do not know what to say to him and still can't hold a conversation with him. It's even worse because he doesn't fully understand/empathize with my SA and thinks I don't like talking to him because of him, not me. When I was little my mom took care of me mostly, my dad would be at work or out with friends and at home he would be the main discipliner and would yell a lot if I got in trouble, which made me very fearful and I still get very scared when people yell. I think I withdrew and refrained from saying anything around him to prevent being yelled at.

You get scared when people yell? Me too, but then I pretty much grew up with that constantly going on around me at a young age. My family were very dyfunctional growing up.

Anyway, I'm still anxious around my immediate family socially. Mainly because I never felt like I belonged, being the only male in a predominately female household. And I noticed during my teens that my family were very much a clique and I was the odd one out.

Now it's mellowed, but I still feel that same anxiety when I'm around 'em. There's still that tension. So it hasn't really improved much.

When I was younger I was more frustrated and confused by the response whenever I tried or did ask my mum something. She'd either ignore me, dismiss or contradict what I just say instead of listening.

Her responses was usually negative, over-the-top and/or irrational. Certain questions and topics were off-limits. Quite cold and distant toward me emotionally. Any problems were just ignored, if it concerned me, for better or worse. So I kinda learnt at a young age to keep my feelings to myself.

And trying hold a conversation with my mum - forget about it. She'd just stare at me blankly, then laugh at me. Apparently I'm "too smart" for her - her words, not mine. That's what ye get for encouraging yer son to be a reader.

As for my dad, well, he wasn't around much until I was 15. I found him quite an intimidating bloke - quite a self-centred person, never really took much of an interest in me. I guess that's one of the reason why he was absent for much of my life. Not that we had much in common...

As for my 2 sisters, I feel more comfy talking with the oldest but I wary of being to open after I told her something in confidence and the next day everyone knew about it. And the most annoying thing about struggling with depression is being asked if yer alright on a daily basis. Sorry, I'm rambling.

My SA has made my family believe I'm standoff-ish and anti-social, even joking about it. Not that they've every tried to understand the level of anxiety I feel, they've just passed it off as me being shy. I'm alledgedly intimidating due being quite well built guy. So that just add to my anxiety.

As for my family's social life, they're all quite outgoing, except for me. My mum's a bit of a contradiction, though. She claims she has SA, and not many friends. But, on the other hand, she has no bother chatting with people - be it family or complete strangers. And is friend's with a neighbour lives just across the road She's been give me contradictary advice and messages for most of my life. So... :idontknow: I guess you could say that I'm very much the outsider in my family.

Sorry if this post seems all over the place, by the way.

 

[Odo]

My dad was pretty scary, but with me it was never social anxiety around him so much as worrying about whether or not he was in a good mood.

 

[ScaredToBreathe]

When I was younger I was more frustrated and confused by the response whenever I tried or did ask my mum something. She'd either ignore me, dismiss or contradict what I just say instead of listening.

Her responses was usually negative, over-the-top and/or irrational. Certain questions and topics were off-limits. Quite cold and distant toward me emotionally. Any problems were just ignored, if it concerned me, for better or worse. So I kinda learnt at a young age to keep my feelings to myself.

And trying hold a conversation with my mum - forget about it. She'd just stare at me blankly, then laugh at me. Apparently I'm "too smart" for her - her words, not mine. That's what ye get for encouraging yer son to be a reader.

As for my dad, well, he wasn't around much until I was 15. I found him quite an intimidating bloke - quite a self-centred person, never really took much of an interest in me. I guess that's one of the reason why he was absent for much of my life. Not that we had much in common...

Thanks for your response, I'm really interested in how familial factors may play a role in the development of SA.
I'm sorry to hear that your mom was emotionally distant from you. How do you go about keeping in contact? Do you feel any different now than when you were younger talking to your mom, or do you still keep your feelings to yourself?
Did you ever develop a relationship with your dad? Was it any easier or at least more comfortable talking to him since he was another male and maybe easier to relate to in that sense?

Did your mom talk to/treat your sisters the same way as you? Or did she seem closer with them? And yea, it does sound like a contradiction for her to be claiming to have SA.

 

[ScaredToBreathe]

I can't even think of a time when I have been able to talk to my parents about anything. When I do say something I usually have to repeat myself over and over and end up frustrated and just give up. It is definitely a problem for me.

How do they go about talking to you then? Do they know you have SA or if not do they ask you anything about you not communicating much with them?

 

[chibiXphantom]

i dont really talk to my parents about things, am afraid for them to know the things i like, never talk about anything serious, and am afraid to ask them anything.

growing up i was always told that i shouldnt talk at the dinner table. parents were very much the "children should be seen, not heard" type. stepdad is very sexist and basically thinks anything a woman says is invalid, so i only talk to him if i need something.

both of my parents are extremely judgemental. i've learned the hard way that they can't be trusted, that they think im a freak, and im better of not telling them anything about myself.

they dont know much about me at all, and im afraid for them to, because i know i'd be harshly judged

im afraid to ask them for anything because im afraid they'd say no, and not just "no" in a polite way, but more like "absolutely not. no need to be a freak." or have to deal with them asking ever single detail of what i'll be doing, when often times i dont know. they've wanted me to text them license plate numbers of the people im with, phone numbers of my friends, addresses, and all of that stuff. all of this was after i turned 18 too..

im often afraid to even ask if i can eat something that's in the fridge or if we have any batteries in the house that i could have. i dont know why im afraid to ask those things..

my siblings are a bit different. they're not as judgey, but i'm not close to them at all. they feel like just acquaintances more than anything