Are you able to socialize with your family?

[froghat]

I'm sure I'm partially to blame, but it seems like me and my family never have long conversations about anything. So, not only do I have zero friends, but it's not that much better at home. When I don't talk to someone for a while I get more and more anxious and I start to overthink everything and worry. I know this because I always feel better after a therapy session. It really bugs me! How are you guys with your family? Do they help you at all or do you still feel lonely around them?

 

[roseycheeks]

No, not really. My dad is pretty moody and judgemental which puts me off talking to him sometimes. My brother lives in his own world (and is an alcoholic). the only family member I can get along with is mum. Overall my family is fairly disfunctrional.

Froghat do your family members get along with each other otherwise?

 

[froghat]

Yeah, we get along, but we mostly do our own thing. We're all sort of awkward with people and don't socialize much, so there' not much to really talk about besides work. It's so boring around here. I dunno, I just wish my family was more talkative.

 

[theblank]

When I visit my family I'm quiet and withdrawn around them. I seldom say much and most of them don't seem interested in engaging me in conversation, even when I'm open to talking about things.

The last family event I went to was my uncle's funeral and I was largely ignored. I tried talking to my aunt, but had trouble getting my words out right and she looked at me like I was crazy...which made me feel awful.

 

[ripewithdecay]

This is something that has always bothered me - not being able to even act myself around my own family who i've lived with for 18-20 years.

We do talk but they don't really give a shit about what i'm talking about.
Probably because they're used to my monotonous, dull delivery of conversation.

I don't really blame them.

 

[Slothrop]

I suspect this is very common, if not typical. Your family is the first social interaction you ever have, and the only one that really survives even in the absence of normal social relations. You can coast along easily in a family that barely communicates at all, where other relationships can fade away and be forgotten. This isn't really good for anyone involved, but it happens all the time for various reasons.

Remember, your anxiety comes from within you, it's not something that's inherent in all social interaction. Just because you "should", ideally, have a certain kind of communication with your family, that doesn't mean your particular family situation was conducive to that. Poor communication in the family is a major cause of many people's social anxiety initially.

Even if your parents didn't have any overt negative effects on you, just lack of communication can make you grow up feeling insecure and uninteresting and all the other things we so often feel. And until you get a bit older, it's hard to tell whether your family is like everybody else's, and whether it's really fair for you to be judging yourself based on what other people's families are like.

The truth is your family is yours alone, and even if it isn't ideal, it isn't just your fault for not having it the way you wish it were.

 

[Richey]

my parents play the authoritarian card all the time, they want to control you even in conversation so it makes a relationship challenging because of that conflict .. we're all different as well so we dont relate to each other really, my sister is superficial and picky about food, clothes, people, boyfriends(usually dJ's), i'll try and lighten the mood and she always screws her nose up at me, making it hard to get close to her yet she parties all the time and was quite poular back in high school and has a very succesful career, thing is they all have fairly mediocre tastes and just watch tv thats popular and listen to music that is on the charts, so they dont think for themselves in terms of art/culture/tastes, its just what is fed to them which i can pass off but it'd be nice if they tried to make an effort so i had more to relate to, thats a small issue though, we grew up fighting all the time and lived under a hostile short tempered father ... ...

maybe in a few years we'll talk to each other more then we do even though i visit alot we dont really communicate enough

i dont think i'm good enough either, they are all succesful and confident and if you dont live up to a high standard you get talked down to alot

 

[lettypagb]

my family never talked to me when i was little ,now my mother talks ,maybe thats where come the problems ...

 

[kuhtreen]

I talk with my family, but I'm still really self concious around them. Sometimes I feel awkward when we have conversations.

 

[Argamemnon]

In the last few weeks, I have told my parents about my social anxiety and depression in detail, but they aren't really understanding. Today, my father told me that I only make them sad by telling my story (by being honest that is). He says he can't do anything about it and doesn't want to hear it anymore. You can't even trust your parents. I feel so depressed today, the only thing I've been thinking about was death all day.

 

[saeriyas]

I can relate to a couple of the things people are describing here.

I feel pretty comfortable saying what's on my mind to my direct relatives (my parents and my siblings). But, almost ANYONE in my extended family, I have a lot of trouble feeling comfortable talking to them, or even just being around them and trying to socialize.

This has been one of the biggest problems in my life! I've struggled to avoid SO many family gatherings and events. Some of them were considered to be very important events to my family. So, me avoiding them, brought a whole lot of stress down on me. Also, it keeps changing how my family thinks about me, and how they treat me.

I didn't feel that there would be many people who would understand my feeling socially anxious around my family. I've never personally met anyone who had this same problem as me.

 

[saeriyas]

In the last few weeks, I have told my parents about my social anxiety and depression in detail, but they aren't really understanding. Today, my father told me that I only make them sad by telling my story (by being honest). He says he can't do anything about it and doesn't want to hear it anymore. You can't even trust your parents. I feel so depressed today, the only thing I've been thinking about was death all day.

Argamemnon, what you say is interesting. My parents are also not very understanding of my difficulties. I feel like they don't really know anything. They're not progressive people. They've never tried to really directly deal with feelings of social anxiety they've had in the past, so they haven't given me any useful guidance or help.

 

[Idioteque]

I don't feel so self conscious around my family, I can sort of relax all though not fully. I've always felt a bit like two people, the person I am at home and the person at school and the real world!
I'm able to talk to my mum and dad to an extent like about stuff that's happening, the latest gossip and football.. But I can still see the problems of not having much to talk about and I rarely really open up to them and tell them how I feel. I don't know if I could tell them I have Social Anxiety, I'm sure they know on some level that there's something wrong with me!
I find it hard to connect with my extended family, almost as much as with regular people.

 

[recluse]

I feel awkward even around family. I don't relate well to my family apart from my parents, sister and grandmother anyway, but i still feel uncomfortable at times with them.

 

[Argamemnon]

In the past my parents were the only people I felt comfortable around. Now there isn't even one person. I think my avoidance of social situations over the last 7 years has altered or damaged my brain. I've become another person.

 

[billy]

I cant really hve conversations with anybody since they normally get killed due to me being boring,not funny,uptight,anxiety atks

 

[Walk]

In the past my parents were the only people I felt comfortable around. Now there isn't even one person. I think my avoidance of social situations over the last 7 years has altered or damaged my brain. I've become another person.

Hell yeah, same here.

I was 12 when my SA started and my parents did not give a shit. I told my dad that I was depressed because I had no friends. I thought he was going to give me advice on how to have small talk with people or give me any kind of tips. He said sarcastically "so you want ME to get you friends? It's your job to do that"

3 years later, I became another depressed, friendless, scared young adult ditching school and flunking easy classes due to that.

Thanks dad.

Anyways, let us cheer up and no, you're not permanently damaged; you'd be surprised how much you change when you finally click with someone at school, etc. Just try to expose yourself more. I'm saying this because I try to do it more and more every month myself, even though I slide back to semi seclusion at times.