Hi,
Have you ever seen anything of one of those self-help shows on tv-? Or read books that are about "the power within" and "the power of the universe"....? Perhaps you thought that these were dodgy, and made pie-in-the-sky promises, like: "If you desire something CHOOSE it but do not WANT it." and:- "The universe is like a big xerox machine. All it does it copy your thoughts. And, like a genie in a bottle, it obeys your command".
Well, to the credit of such books and tv-shows, it is easy enough to see that there is at least some truth in what they state. If we just observe what is happening/has been happenning, we see that we are stuck in a particular experience and that the more we resent having it, the more we scramble to get past it, to get away from it, the more we prolong having it. ...This is like getting the opposite of what we actually would like.
Then you listen to what such self-help gurus say:- That 'wanting' produces exactly that. That "I want ....." is a command to the universe which the universe has no choic but to grant. Even Jesus said that a person must believe that whatever he requests already is so, that he must believe in his heart that a thing already is as he desires, and GOd will have granted it already.
So, to 'want' something, to think thoughts of "I want...." -eg: "I really do want to make people proud of what I achieve/ I want to be proud of my achievements", "I want to meet someone I really like and have so many amazing happy times" ....the statements like: "I am convinced I will overcome my SA soon" are likewise very good.
To want something is a statement of lack.
So when you say:- "...but when you have no confidence ... its impossible"
you're spot-on.
Other tips that I have read, are:- 'That if you think your life is bad, that nothing good exists in your current experience. ...That there is no thing already to be proud of, that you haven't been achieving anything. ..that your position is a lowly, lesser one -think again.'
Remember that the universe just follows your orders. Psyhology tries to get us to change our perception of some thing -it tries to get us to change the way we judge things so that we "lose our fear of being nervous", "lose our fear of fear" ...this is so that we already believe that there is nothing lesser about being where we already are right now.
Changing our perception, our judgement, of who we are and what we are experiencing, is the fastest (and really the only) way to enable oneself to have the free will and the choice to choose a new experience. But to still feel shame about the position that you currently hold, means you give yourself no alternative from what you see as 'success' to choose from. And therefore, you disempower your self.
See how you already have success, how you already have achieved and are achieving some thing (even if this some thing may not be "seen" in that it may not have physically materialised just yet -but thoughts come before actions) . And, to reject any thought that perceives you and where you are now as being lesser or unnaceptable, and instead to see this point in time as being a part of something -a you- much bigger and a grander version of who you used to be before, and to base self-worth and achievement on the process and not results ...all that IS confidence.
And now, I'll give my own tip that I actually thought of my self....
If you can get to an emotional point where you somehow get over your doubts and shame about your inadequacies, and can see the problem in a better perspective (bigger picture); then, along with this, noticing the uselessness and meaninglessness of judgements that regard social phobia, and etc, as being lesser- then it may be easier then to unconditionally accept who you are. That it may then be easier to believe that who you are right now is perfect and, far from being a cause for shame, is instead exactly the kind of person who you like to be and can -that is, are- proud of. And that, likewise, such a person can create just what they desire because everything is already in reach. What they desire is not beyond their ability. And they 'want' and lack for nothing, just as they already have what they desire -if we change our perception and can think in spiritual terms, then possessing something materially is easy because we already have it in our mind.
I also think that that is why unconditional love and acceptance of oneself is so great a tool, because it gives the feeling within that even ones limitations are not obstacles or true limitations in the sense that they deprive one of being perfect.
Anyhow: maybe what some those self-help books and tv shows say isn't anywhere near so dodgy. (And really, a lot of what they say is just an extension of what we can already observe of our situation)