Are we so hung up over our SA that it is stopping...

xkiss_me_nowx

Well-known member
#1
us from having ambitions? or goals... or thing's we've really wanted to do, make everyone proud of us?
like, it's always there, but we just have no get up and go.. because of our confidence/SA etc.. i dont know maybe it's just me..
i really do wanna make people proud of what i achieve.. but it is like i just have no get up and go, like going out there, and achieveing it, as i dont have very much confidence in myself? and dont think id be good enough or clever enough to achieve something..
does anybody else feel like this? thanks x
 

charlieHungerford

Well-known member
#2
Yeah, totally agree with that, I relate to that 100%. I don't believe I can have goals and ambitions until I sort myself out. Its so hard to leave the comfort zone and challenge yourself when you have no confidence, which is why I am working so hard to do overcome it.

I too want so much in life and want to feel so proud of what I am achieving and think I have fulfilled my potential. But you cannot do it if you are scared stiff of putting yourself in situations. I want to meet someone I really like and have so many amazing happy times, but when you have no confidence around women its impossible.
I want a job and career I am proud of what I am achieving and enjoy doing, but because again I have very little confidence, I just would not feel comfortable in a job with responsibility. So what can you do? You have to beat the problems in order to move on.

But I am convinced I will overcome my SA soon and then hopefully I will make up for lost time and really go for it in life.

SA is such a terrible problem to live with. People are so lucky who have confidence and are not held back with anxiety around people.

Never give up though!
 

LittleMissMuffet

Well-known member
#3
Hi,

Have you ever seen anything of one of those self-help shows on tv-? Or read books that are about "the power within" and "the power of the universe"....? Perhaps you thought that these were dodgy, and made pie-in-the-sky promises, like: "If you desire something CHOOSE it but do not WANT it." and:- "The universe is like a big xerox machine. All it does it copy your thoughts. And, like a genie in a bottle, it obeys your command".

Well, to the credit of such books and tv-shows, it is easy enough to see that there is at least some truth in what they state. If we just observe what is happening/has been happenning, we see that we are stuck in a particular experience and that the more we resent having it, the more we scramble to get past it, to get away from it, the more we prolong having it. ...This is like getting the opposite of what we actually would like.

Then you listen to what such self-help gurus say:- That 'wanting' produces exactly that. That "I want ....." is a command to the universe which the universe has no choic but to grant. Even Jesus said that a person must believe that whatever he requests already is so, that he must believe in his heart that a thing already is as he desires, and GOd will have granted it already.

So, to 'want' something, to think thoughts of "I want...." -eg: "I really do want to make people proud of what I achieve/ I want to be proud of my achievements", "I want to meet someone I really like and have so many amazing happy times" ....the statements like: "I am convinced I will overcome my SA soon" are likewise very good.

To want something is a statement of lack.
So when you say:- "...but when you have no confidence ... its impossible"
you're spot-on.

Other tips that I have read, are:- 'That if you think your life is bad, that nothing good exists in your current experience. ...That there is no thing already to be proud of, that you haven't been achieving anything. ..that your position is a lowly, lesser one -think again.'
Remember that the universe just follows your orders. Psyhology tries to get us to change our perception of some thing -it tries to get us to change the way we judge things so that we "lose our fear of being nervous", "lose our fear of fear" ...this is so that we already believe that there is nothing lesser about being where we already are right now.
Changing our perception, our judgement, of who we are and what we are experiencing, is the fastest (and really the only) way to enable oneself to have the free will and the choice to choose a new experience. But to still feel shame about the position that you currently hold, means you give yourself no alternative from what you see as 'success' to choose from. And therefore, you disempower your self.

See how you already have success, how you already have achieved and are achieving some thing (even if this some thing may not be "seen" in that it may not have physically materialised just yet -but thoughts come before actions) . And, to reject any thought that perceives you and where you are now as being lesser or unnaceptable, and instead to see this point in time as being a part of something -a you- much bigger and a grander version of who you used to be before, and to base self-worth and achievement on the process and not results ...all that IS confidence.

And now, I'll give my own tip that I actually thought of my self....
If you can get to an emotional point where you somehow get over your doubts and shame about your inadequacies, and can see the problem in a better perspective (bigger picture); then, along with this, noticing the uselessness and meaninglessness of judgements that regard social phobia, and etc, as being lesser- then it may be easier then to unconditionally accept who you are. That it may then be easier to believe that who you are right now is perfect and, far from being a cause for shame, is instead exactly the kind of person who you like to be and can -that is, are- proud of. And that, likewise, such a person can create just what they desire because everything is already in reach. What they desire is not beyond their ability. And they 'want' and lack for nothing, just as they already have what they desire -if we change our perception and can think in spiritual terms, then possessing something materially is easy because we already have it in our mind.
I also think that that is why unconditional love and acceptance of oneself is so great a tool, because it gives the feeling within that even ones limitations are not obstacles or true limitations in the sense that they deprive one of being perfect.

Anyhow: maybe what some those self-help books and tv shows say isn't anywhere near so dodgy. (And really, a lot of what they say is just an extension of what we can already observe of our situation)
 

JamesMorgan

Well-known member
#4
xkiss_me_nowx


The person you want to be is already within you. Where else could that person be?

But you have to become that person before you can be that person, right? No, you can be that person now, before you are actually that person. You dont fake it, you create it inside by realising its already there, inside.

So, how do you become that person, now?

Realise your role in creating your world and who you want to be.

It all arises from one source and that very source is our own limitless potential, so we can create whatever we wish if we remember our source is limitless in creative power.

If you want supreme inner confidence, you need to realise it's alredy within you, you may currently be unaware of it by not looking in the right place. This source or fountain of confidence is within, look within.

James
 

hoddesdon

Well-known member
#5
This is a classic case of negative, self-defeating thoughts which are a symptom of social phobia. Preoccupation with appearance is a classic example. Therefore other people do think like this. Other examples abound throughout this website.

Since they are the projection of social phobia, they do not necessarily reflect reality. Things are not as bad as you think they are - they should be treated as the impostors that they are. If, instead of defeating yourself before you start, you make the effort, then you have nothing to lose. The Mitchell library in Sydney has a plaque saying that Mr Mitchell is a very retiring man, who would not even pose for a monument, but his monument stands all around them (the library itself). He was obviously successful enough to found the library.

I am sure that a former Australian Prime Minister, Malcolm Fraser, has social phobia. His nickname is the Easter Island statue.

There is also a well-known cartoonist, Patrick Cook. I have also heard second-hand of a university lecturer.

I won two court cases against the Federal Government over a social phobia-related matter (they didn't think I could do it, haha).
 
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DarkSeeker

Well-known member
#6
Where do goals and ambitions come from? They come from looking at a situation and finding ourselves wanting to do something about it.

Do you want to save the world from itself? start a family? become filthy rich? find true peace of mind? devote yourself to an ideal or a passion of yours? I don't know. All I know is there is probably more than one of them, but you somehow convinced yourself that they weren't what they are.
 

Krista

Well-known member
#7
Sometimes I think it's easy to use SA as an excuse not to do something because I fear rejection. So I figure I already know the outcome why bother with it. I'm getting much better at stopping this and just enjoying going out or trying to take advantage of a situation when it's presented to me.
 
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