dpr
Well-known member
starting a new topic is weird... anyway, has anyone seen Ghost World, where the girl says she wants to pack up and move away in the middle of the night and leave everyone she knows behind and never see them ever again? i feel like that.
i have been seeing a therapist for the past few years and i have been making good progress (i thought) with CBT for my SP and OCD (so many acronyms). i'm not the most social person in the world, but I thought I was a lot better than I used to be. I talk to people at work more, I initiate conversations (small ones) and am okay with groups of people. I have even gone to a few parties and formal dinners and stuff. i am able to control my intrusive thoughts most of the time and haven't thought of harming myself for a long time, and no more nightmares at all for a long time.
so the other day my gf and I got in a HUGE fight and i told her we're through. i was right on the edge but still trying to cope and function and tell myself it's just a thing people go through. and then i start talking to this friend of a friend on the internet. i made a joke that he took the wrong way (i didn't mean to be mean to him at all) and he just says "You sound like an asshole, don't talk to me anymore." and it affected me so much, i thought about it all day at work and am still thinking about it, my stomach is in knots. i think he will tell my friends that i am an asshole and they will all agree with him.
i never thought i would have suicidal thoughts again ever for the rest of my life, cuz i was making such good progress with the CBT but now I have those thoughts! and I am now having other bad thoughts and having trouble talking to people and looking at them. it's like 3 years of progress was undone in two days! i feel like i am back to the very beginning again! it is so frustrating! will it take another 3 years before I'm back to normal? cuz I don't know if I can do that.
does my brain just want to think negatively even when I give myself stupid "positive affirmations" in the mirror everyday for 3 years?
i'm not on meds. should I be?
sorry for the vent. please respond.
i have been seeing a therapist for the past few years and i have been making good progress (i thought) with CBT for my SP and OCD (so many acronyms). i'm not the most social person in the world, but I thought I was a lot better than I used to be. I talk to people at work more, I initiate conversations (small ones) and am okay with groups of people. I have even gone to a few parties and formal dinners and stuff. i am able to control my intrusive thoughts most of the time and haven't thought of harming myself for a long time, and no more nightmares at all for a long time.
so the other day my gf and I got in a HUGE fight and i told her we're through. i was right on the edge but still trying to cope and function and tell myself it's just a thing people go through. and then i start talking to this friend of a friend on the internet. i made a joke that he took the wrong way (i didn't mean to be mean to him at all) and he just says "You sound like an asshole, don't talk to me anymore." and it affected me so much, i thought about it all day at work and am still thinking about it, my stomach is in knots. i think he will tell my friends that i am an asshole and they will all agree with him.
i never thought i would have suicidal thoughts again ever for the rest of my life, cuz i was making such good progress with the CBT but now I have those thoughts! and I am now having other bad thoughts and having trouble talking to people and looking at them. it's like 3 years of progress was undone in two days! i feel like i am back to the very beginning again! it is so frustrating! will it take another 3 years before I'm back to normal? cuz I don't know if I can do that.
does my brain just want to think negatively even when I give myself stupid "positive affirmations" in the mirror everyday for 3 years?
i'm not on meds. should I be?
sorry for the vent. please respond.