anyone have a HUGE relapse? pls respond


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starting a new topic is weird... anyway, has anyone seen Ghost World, where the girl says she wants to pack up and move away in the middle of the night and leave everyone she knows behind and never see them ever again? i feel like that.

i have been seeing a therapist for the past few years and i have been making good progress (i thought) with CBT for my SP and OCD (so many acronyms). i'm not the most social person in the world, but I thought I was a lot better than I used to be. I talk to people at work more, I initiate conversations (small ones) and am okay with groups of people. I have even gone to a few parties and formal dinners and stuff. i am able to control my intrusive thoughts most of the time and haven't thought of harming myself for a long time, and no more nightmares at all for a long time.

so the other day my gf and I got in a HUGE fight and i told her we're through. i was right on the edge but still trying to cope and function and tell myself it's just a thing people go through. and then i start talking to this friend of a friend on the internet. i made a joke that he took the wrong way (i didn't mean to be mean to him at all) and he just says "You sound like an asshole, don't talk to me anymore." and it affected me so much, i thought about it all day at work and am still thinking about it, my stomach is in knots. i think he will tell my friends that i am an asshole and they will all agree with him.

i never thought i would have suicidal thoughts again ever for the rest of my life, cuz i was making such good progress with the CBT but now I have those thoughts! and I am now having other bad thoughts and having trouble talking to people and looking at them. it's like 3 years of progress was undone in two days! i feel like i am back to the very beginning again! it is so frustrating! will it take another 3 years before I'm back to normal? cuz I don't know if I can do that.

does my brain just want to think negatively even when I give myself stupid "positive affirmations" in the mirror everyday for 3 years?

i'm not on meds. should I be?

sorry for the vent. please respond.


Awr dude im so sorry to hear that,but when things go wrong with the person you love/care about its the most painfull thing ever... even if you know its both for the best it doesnt stop it hurting like hell because sadly you cant just turn how you feel off :( And yeah it makes you wanna give up totaly.

And yeah that dude saying you was an arsehole was another blow which you didnt need.I think IcarusUnderWater2 hit the nail one the head with what he said.Anyway you have done so well by the sounds of it...and in all honesty splitting with your gf.. it is gonna kick you back to rock bottom again.Doesnt mean all your hard work is undone again tho.I know you must feel very self destructive right now... but try and not give in.I mean have you talked to your gf since... is it deffo over,is there nothing you can do to sort things out?Cos sometimes in relationships just as in life.. these sorta things can make your relationship stronger aswell cos you dont always realise how much you had untill you loose it.

Even if things are over between you and her tho... its gonna hurt like mad for a while :( Thats just a normal way to feel for anyone,its just worse when you have depression and anxiety because they tend to mean so much more to you.But with time it will get better.Just try and stay strong dude.Maybe speak to your therapist yeah and maybe medication might help by just giving you that little lift you need to carry on.


I know this can be a rough time for you bc of the relapse and all and it may feel like you are starting all over again but the truth is that you dont have to wait another 3 years like before.

I have OCD too or I did have it. I had obsessions about very evil things that tormented me for about 4 years. I had relapse after relapse and I feared them so much. I never got on meds becuase I knew there was another way out. So I went to church and learned how to control my thoughts and prayed aaaallllootttt! I have peace now and everynow and then a bad thought will come to my mind and the fear process wants to emerge and tell me that I am going to be tormented for the rest of my life (scary huh?) but you know what? It's not true. I have trained my mind to believe that the thoughts are not of God and they are not true. Thus, fear loses and I win. My point is, when you relapse, you just have to pick yourself up from where you left off and keep going. We may fall off track sometimes yes.....but don't be discouraged. You can have peace again.

Okay, I do not know if your religous and do not want to offend you but I want to share with you what really helped me. I kept this in my purse and read it out loud 24/7 everytime a bad thought came to mind and it works., But you have to believe it when you read it. Put your faith in God sweety. Here is the link. It is called "Prescription for a Sound Mind".


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I have relapses all the time. I could be making progress and all of the sudden i will sink into depression/anxiety again.


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"Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes..."

I really feel for you. From reading the comments beneath your post, a lot of people can certainly relate to what you're feeling right now. Anyone with a history of depression will be prone to the occasional relapse. We're sensitive people, after all. Just never stop trying.

If I unintentionally hurt someone with a careless comment or action I always write them a carefully worded letter or e mail expressing how I really feel or what I really meant to say.
Yeah I just had a huge relapse it sucks!! I was doing so awesome and was even starting conversations. Then one day for no reason at all my anxiety came back like a slap to the face and I'm back on square one :(

I think we all need to stop being so sensitive! Just because someone calls you an ass or an idiot or something at one point in time it doesn't mean they're always gonna think that...I've called my cousin annoying and I tend to be kind of rude to him at times (This is the only way to get through to him I've found) but he knows I like him and I know he likes me. We could all learn from him he doesn't let ANYTHING that anyone says to him bring him down!


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I had a relapse too, I thought I finally was dealing with it and an anxiety attack came back just like old times.I felt suicidal. I have now increased meds and am feeling better.


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hey, thanks everyone for all the kind words.

my gf and i worked things out, but i can't shake the feeling that she is still mad at me and hates me and that this fight has changed everything (we hardly ever fight) and that she'll never be able to see me the same way ever again. it's a terrible feeling. i'm glad she's still here though. but she came along at a very strange time in my life (sorry for all the movie references lol, but it's true).

i told my other friends about the guy calling me an asshole. i pretty much said he's a complete douchebag and all i wanted was for my friends to agree with me, but they were a bit apathetic about it. they were kind of like, "well what did you to piss him off?" when I felt they should have said, "What? How dare he call you an asshole?" but... meh... I guess I can't force people to think a certain way, right? It seems they didn't really care one way or the other which is okay with me. I've started to forget about it, now. I've kind of tried to see the humour in it and just laugh it off.

Icarus: you are very right. I care SO MUCH what people think of me and I need to stop. It is easier said than done though. I just really want people to like me, and when they don't I can't stand it. Even if I don't like them! which is really weird.

I really like this: "you did what you thought was best at the time and that is all anyone can do."

It's very logical and realistic. I'm not perfect, but I did the best I can. Thank you for giving me that. Good mantra for life, really.

Danfalc: yeah we're still together for now. medication scares me and I've been on a lot of them before to no avail, but I'm thinking that maybe my outlook is so negative that CBT and all that won't work without meds. I dunno. I am definitely gonna talk to my therapist. tupac rules

Prissy: thank you for that link. I am somewhat religious I guess. I like to take a little bit from all religions.

recluse: does anything happen before your relapses? or you just relapse for no reason?

gloomysunday: yeah, true. actually that's what I did in this situation, sent her an email explaining how I felt. I think a lot of the fight was a result of miscommunication and misunderstanding of what the other person was really trying to say.

freestyle: i agree with you, but like i said to Icarus it's easier said than done, right? I mean, I told myself over and over exactly what you're telling me. like "Who cares what that guy thinks? He barely knows me, therefore he may think I'm an asshole but he doesn't know that for sure," etc. but it didn't work for me. I just kept thinking about it and thinking about it until I eventually concluded that he was right, and I am an asshole. I feel a little better now though, but yeah I have to learn how to not care so much about what others think.

spaz: what meds do you take? just curious.


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I relapse for no reason. Even if things are going great and i should be happy i can sink into anxiety at any time.