Any regrets telling others?

[cowboyup]

Anyone else have regrets telling someone you have SA (or depression, etc.)?

Let me explain:
I grew up with a household of people who lied. Meaning my parents lied to just about everyone they came in contact with and I saw this growing up. (No need to go into 'grand story' about the whys right now)

OK, with that said, when my mom passed away and I had to quit my job, move, etc., everything changed for me. Some for the better, some I am still trying to muddle through. So, upon meeting others, through work, school, etc., even though I was shy, socially awkward, I did try to make an effort to push through and meet others. Well, upon doing so, I feel like I 'exposed' my weakness to them and in turn they used that against me or excusing me for my behavior because I would always tell the truth. Maybe more than I should. Well, not maybe, I am learning I should have never said anything about having SA to other people.

I know there is no way to really 'undo' what has been said, but I sure wish there was something I could do to prove I am not this weak, feeble, scared girl trying to hide from the world and needs meds to get through a day.

But has anyone experienced similar and if so, how do you react when or if others throw it in your face?

Maybe the person is not 'knowingly' doing it to make you feel bad, (or maybe they are) but my point is, I've had someone do this more than once during conversation and when I try to not make a big deal of it,(like it's under control) they just throw something up from the past and tell me that was my excuse for doing ___ or saying ___.

I hope I am articulating this so you can understand as it's a bit difficult to write it all out.

Anyhow, if you have any thoughts, suggestions, etc. It'd be nice to hear!
Thanks.

 

[cowboyup]

I forgot to say that now if I meet someone I never divulge information about SA - I take a more vague approach. And the reason I told anyone in the first place was because I felt I was living a lie - literally - for just about everything and I was sick and tired of lying all the time about stupid stuff.

I don't know if that's good or bad, or just 'is'...

I don't seem to know much these days, it seems...lol

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

:question: Hmmmmm....I told my best friend and he was totally cool with it. So, I don't regret that. When I get a new job, I do plan on telling upper management during my interview about it. I mean, THEY'RE GOING TO KNOW. It's not like I can hide it and it has caused problems in the past like when I'm unable to give eye contact while someone is talking to me. That behavior in companies, causes problems. Co-workers and upper management are left very perplexed.

I don't think I'll tell anyone else except "potential" girlfriends and two other very close friends that I have. Other than that, I would rather not talk about it.

 

[Musiclover3230]

Massive regret telling my best friends since pre school that I cut and I was feeling depressed but I hadn't gone to a doctor. I thought they would help me but they jut laughed in my face and called me attension seeker. After that I almost cOmmited suicide but didn't and they will never know anything else about me ever again.

 

[Luna1740]

I'm dealing with something similar right now. Personally, my psychology doesn't really get along well enough with this whole "life" thing for me to keep it a secret from anyone that I plan on spending any real length of time with. I can say though, that as frustrating as it can be to be different, I'm honestly happy that I have no choice over whether to keep it secret from those close to me, because (although it's scary telling someone every time) as far as my anxiety is concerned, the second that everyone around me is aware of it, it loses a large portion of its control over me.

 

[jc972]

I forgot to say that now if I meet someone I never divulge information about SA - I take a more vague approach. And the reason I told anyone in the first place was because I felt I was living a lie - literally - for just about everything and I was sick and tired of lying all the time about stupid stuff.

I don't know if that's good or bad, or just 'is'...

I don't seem to know much these days, it seems...lol

First off, let me say how sorry I am you are going through this. I don't think it is a lie unless somebody says "hey, cowboyup, do you suffer from SA?" and you say "no". Even at that point it's none of anybody's business. I understand that you don't want to lie to anyone but when it concerns info that could be used against you I'd lie. My immediate family and my very best (only?) friend know about mine but they didn't judge. People really should respect boundaries and not ask personal questions.

 

[paintedblue]

I never tell anybody about it. Even my best friend, although I think he's smart enough to have figured it out by now. The reason i don't say anything is because people get ideas, they have preconception of what it might mean for a person to have SA and once you tell them they attach those preconceptions to you, even though they may or may not apply to you. I think that's what happened in your case. I don't like the idea of people making assumptions about me when they don't even know me, i guess that's what it comes down to.

I used to be upfront about my drug use, and again people have assumptions about what that means. So they thought I might be a certain type of person, they prejudged attached their preconceived ideas to me without knowing who I really was and dismissed me. I no longer do that. I think its best to not divulge certain things upfront, at least with certain types of people.

 

[Amitush123]

I have not, yet, and probably won't, although I know I should
Not only that I feel angry, sad, empty and miserable all the time, I just want it all to end! I curse every couple I see or anyone who seems to have a normal life
And I'm afraid I'll hurt myself again...those pills could've gotten me killed

 

[Abby]

years ago, when i told one of my sisters, she said i was "just looking for attention." (WTF?) of course, i was very hurt by her words. needless to say, we didn't talk much after that...

until about two years ago, that is, when her daughter was diagnosed with the very same "attention craving problem." these days, she's always asking me for advice. funny how life works out sometimes.

 

[Unverstellt]

o god yes. i told an extended family member and i wanted to pretty much drop down dead after wards. i dont even know why all that came out of me, we were in the car and i was feeling so uncomfortable, there was so much silence and i guess i wanted to fill that. she told me about her being depressed and i told here EVERYTHING, much much more then i should have. i wanted to kill myself while i was saying all those things but one thing after the other just came out. and i really really regret it. i wish i had never said anything or at least kept it to a minimum. i feel that she will gossip about it and that i will be looked down upon from now on.

 

[rosewood]

i regret not knowing what to look for when a little information about myself elicted the wrong type of reaction. i really regret trying forge ahead in explaining myself instead of looking at what i heard and saw in the reactions and backed away at full speed.

there is plenty but here is the most recent one: there is a man i have known since 2000 that has shown interest in me. he lives pretty far away and because of that we have never become a couple. recently he has asked me to come to his state and find work there. i had mentioned that i was receiving help for my ptsd and sa over the phone. his reaction was very disturbing. i could easily hear the irritation and disgust in his voice as he told me to read the book of job. (for those who havent read it... story about a man who loses EVERYTHING) as in, job suffered way more than everyone else in the world, so you have nothing to complain about. stop whining, cowboy up.

i havent called, texted, or emailed since then.

i am so exhausted from the ignorant responses. i am so grateful for the people here in this forum. thank you, guys.

 

[Saga]

Nope, not at all. =) It was a good decision, actually, I've been able to get help and improve my thinking patterns.