any 40-50 year old Avoidants on here?

bsammy

Well-known member
#1
just curious, im in my 30s and the future seems shaky..im curious how the older avoidants are hanging in there, what there life has like...has your condition improved or gotten worse??
 

April72

Well-known member
#2
Hello, bsammy!
I'm 42. I want to give you some hope. I look back and I recall how much I suffered. Seven years of self-isolation. Therapies, meds, depressions, fears...mainly fears.
I have accepted my disorder as a part of me. I accept it in a natural way. Don't shame in saying to someone that I have some problems to conect with people.
I now have a better self-steem bc I accepted myself with my valúes and my faults. I'm moré open to people and see them in a less rigid way than I used to see them.
I can tell you that I'm now living the best moment in my life.
I know I could better myself before if I were going to therapy before. I waited up to be 24 bc I didn't want to charge my parents with my problems and we haven't got many money.
 
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#3
I'm 63 and just realizing I have Avoider tendencies. And the weird thing is that I've been in sales most of my career. I HATE calling people with a passion due to fear of rejection.
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
#4
just curious, im in my 30s and the future seems shaky..im curious how the older avoidants are hanging in there, what there life has like...has your condition improved or gotten worse??
I am 50. I am not aware of any improvement. Perhaps it has gotten worse, but I am not sure. The problem with growing older is that bad experiences accumulate, and one's self-esteem continues to collapse.
 
#5
I'm 43. Over time I've learned to deal with some things better.
I've made a great deal of effort for that improvement. I think some things I've just learned to accept better which in itself has been an improvement,

Don't let age alone determine how things turn out. Many many things contribute.
 

arjuna

Well-known member
#6
I am 50. I am not aware of any improvement. Perhaps it has gotten worse, but I am not sure. The problem with growing older is that bad experiences accumulate, and one's self-esteem continues to collapse.
What about good experiences? Don't they accumulate too? Maybe if you told us what part of socializing you struggle with, we could help you.
 
#7
I am 48 have had SA all my life,have always avoided everything I could,think I was just used to it until the dreaded work programme got its hands on me,my anxiety and panic attacks went through the roof and now I am worse and on esa but if that hadn't happened I wouldn't have got worse.
 

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
#9
I'm not 40-50 but my grandma has is it and she's older than that... I don't see how someone can't have lots of anxiety anyway... they're lucky
 
#11
Well I am 51 and I wouldn't say life is rosier. I am single, don't have any friends or romantic prospects and don't really want any, work at a job I don't really like, and am watching my only friends (my parents) go to hell due to failing health. On the plus side, I have a new car, my modest house is paid off, and I am 5 years from minimum retirement.

I developed hyperhydrosis (excessive sweating) around 22 years of age just in time to join the stress of working towards a bachelor's degree in engineering, and that's when my avoidance of all things social started. I turned to the bottle to combat my anxiety, but that only led to going to jail for DUI, and graduating with a less than respectful GPA. I did land a job but the stress of it gave me another malady; irritable bowel syndrome. All I cared about was where is the next beer and where is the bathroom. During all of this my parents were like, "Oh you have it made, you should have grown up in the depression".

At 30, I really started drinking when my fiancee left me because she got tired of all the excuses of why we don't go out, was probably less than impressed with my sexual prowess and she found a widow with more money. I was never really good with women because having a minscule penis I never had any confidence.

At 35, due to base closings I got a new job in IT. I decided to get quit drinking and get ETS surgery for hyperhydrosis. The doctor said you won't sweat from the chest up anymore. He was right for about six weeks then I started sweating profusely everywhere below my waist. I am constantly wet on my back, legs, seat of my pants to this day. Around this time I started taking anti-depressant/anxiety meds prescribed from a general practitioner to alleviate stress. The irritable bowel syndrome did improve. The pills made me lethargic, non orgasmic, and gave me an overall attitude of I don't give a **** anymore. I don't think I am as suicidal as I was but I sure don't feel like doing much.

Around 40 I decided to go see a psychiatrist because I had thoughts of suicide. It was around this time my father almost died do to a stroke during a knee replacement operation. The really sad part is that my mom wanted him to die so she wouldn't be burdened with him. It was about this time that I decided I no longer trusted medical professionals nor women.
 
#12
in my younger years, I don't know how I coped interacting with ppl, although I was already socially inept then. As years passed, the more I became a recluse, living only with my parents, depending on them in social situations, as I have become more awkward dealing with ppl, I embarrass myself. I practice talking to ppl in grocery, drugstore, fast foods, I do fine, but in conversations with ppl, I'm very bad.
 
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