Anxiety about making mistakes, even while no one's watching but myself.

[Agon]

Hey all. I just wanted to know if anybody can relate to this and how it can be overcome. Basically, I'm really scared of anything, ANYTHING, that could lead to me making a mistake. Some people like writing (poetry, fanfiction, original stories, the works) or, you know. Pole dancing. Whatever (I hear it's really fun, and it gives you killer muscles).

I just can't bring myself to do anything, even if it's just drawing by myself. I did draw a lot back then, and I did ballet, but now I'm just in a place where all I want to do is read a lot and watch TV a lot and listen to music a lot. Passively absorbing stuff isn't as fun, but neither is putting yourself out there and finding out you don't measure up to others, or even your own standards. I'm scared of being mediocre. I'm so scared that I don't think I even know what my real interests are, because I haven't tried enough stuff to figure it out.

Have you ever been like this? Been so scared that you couldn't experiment with hobbies, even without the social aspect?

 

[jc972]

Is it better to live in fear of failure or to try your best and be proud of yourself for trying? Anyone can't help being scared. Millions of people each day feel mediocre but they don't stop living over it. I hope it gets better for you.

 

[Agon]

Is it better to live in fear of failure or to try your best and be proud of yourself for trying? Anyone can't help being scared. Millions of people each day feel mediocre but they don't stop living over it. I hope it gets better for you.

It genuinely boggles my mind how I can be proud of myself for trying my best and failing, when that essentially means it's all I'm capable of?? Like it confirms me being a sub-standard person with nothing good to offer.

 

[jc972]

It genuinely boggles my mind how I can be proud of myself for trying my best and failing, when that essentially means it's all I'm capable of?? Like it confirms me being a sub-standard person with nothing good to offer.

Not what i meant.

 

[jc972]

I'm not the absolute best at my job, but should i quit? I'm not the world's best father but should i put my kids up for adoption? I'm not the most attentive husband so should i divorce my wife? I say no to all of that. As humans we're not perfect but i think we should try our best and take comfort in the fact that we tried to the best of our ability.

 

[Gieky]

I totally relate. Sometimes we can be our own worst critics. The predicament is, you won't get really good at anything unless you put many hours of being terrible or so-so at it.

 

[Agon]

I totally relate. Sometimes we can be our own worst critics. The predicament is, you won't get really good at anything unless you put many hours of being terrible or so-so at it.

I knowww. It's totally ridiculous. Argh, what I wouldn't give to magically lower my standards. Mentally it's easy to understand that failure is inevitable, but it's still depressing as hell when it does happen. How did you find hobbies (and continue doing them) despite this?

 

[Agon]

I'm not the absolute best at my job, but should i quit? I'm not the world's best father but should i put my kids up for adoption? I'm not the most attentive husband so should i divorce my wife? I say no to all of that. As humans we're not perfect but i think we should try our best and take comfort in the fact that we tried to the best of our ability.

I see your point. Maybe it's just a matter of making it a habit to try hard at something so I can rly internalize feeling proud despite whatever happens after.

 

[Kiwong]

I make many, many, many mistakes every day. That would be a hard life to live Agon, because if you try to live without failing, it is not possible to live.

All winners are people who have failed and kept trying, until they win

I like Samuel Beckett's quote. Every try, Ever fail. Never mind, try again, fail better.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Just out of curiosity, can you remember having some kind of traumatic experience related to making mistakes, like your parents yelling at you constantly when you do something wrong, etc?

 

[Gieky]

How did you find hobbies (and continue doing them) despite this?

If you are really embarrassed of yourself, even when alone you can try destroying your stuff until you get good at it. You mentioned drawing - maybe shred it after you are done until you get better and create something you want to keep. If you write, delete it, etc. If you want to pole dance, go to a class. If you fall, laugh at yourself, that sh*t is funny - look up pole dance fails on youtube. Just try whatever. You don't have to stick with everything. Get a feel for whether it is something you will eventually get good at or never will and go off of that. The most important thing is that you are enjoying yourself. If all else fails, you can go back to zoning out watching tv since you are good at that. Although you have competition because I think I am truly the best at it when I put my mind to it

 

[Lexus199]

Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.
C. S. Lewis

I can relate. I feel self-conscious about not being at the same place or level that a lot of people are. That being said success often involves learning to accept and learn from failure. What are you wanting to try or to get back into?

 

[aceofspades21]

I know how you feel Agon. The fear of failing has stopped me from doing a lot of things. I am trying to be better about getting out of my comfort zone, but it is difficult. Like you, I have tried various hobbies that do not have a social aspect, but I quit them fairly easily because I am just like, well I am not good at this, so I am pretty much failing at it, and quit. I really hope that you can find something that you really enjoy that will either get you back in to an old hobby or in to a new one.

 

[nicole1]

I understand completely. I suffer with this to the point that I can't do anything at all. Even the things I use to enjoy and have a passion for.