An extremely helpful word of advice: We like our illness

[Walk]

I remember somone talking about shyness, social anxiety, and fear in general.

Instead of telling everyone that they were so poor and meek and wished them to get over their emotional problems, he pointed out a fact that describes and explains some of our psychology.

There is a part of us that we don't like to admit very often. It's part of our "dark side". And part of it enjoys pain. It enjoys playing the victim and deriving attention out of it. We've all known drama queens/kings and they exemplify this trait very clearly. But we also might have it in ourselves more than we would like to admit.

I know that a big part of life can definitely be considered melancholy, but we should realize how much of life's pain is caused by our very actions and choices.

It's painful being in a position of fear of people, of women (or men), and of the agony in thinking of the wasted time in our lives. But try to catch yourself getting other people's pity and attention by your tales of sorrow, or in believing we're better off just because we suffered more. I think it's okay to have someone feel sorry for you, but when you are seeking people's pity over and over and over again and not doing anything to help your situation, then you're probably feeding off your negative events in life in a way that isn't help you or anyone else.

I think that pointing out drama-addiction would be a good step in getting us out of SA. Not everyone may have this, but I have slipped in that mindset a few times in the past. Not useful.

 

[PeacefulEva]

I have not told anybody in my family about my SA and I rarely talk about my feelings so I don't believe I am trying to derive attention.

I admit that I do feel sorry for myself and I do derive some comfort from that feeling. I am my own worst enemy because it is the train of thoughts in my head which are controlling me. The world is not preventing me from living a decent life I am preventing myself. But I have tried and tried to make my life better and each time I have failed, the SA will not go away.

I think that you should also realise that rejection is a huge thing to take for people with SA. For me its like my whole world falling apart, sometimes it takes me weeks just to get over one negative comment. And everytime I go out and try to improve my life I am risking rejection.
So going out and facing my SA is a big deal.

 

[GloomySunday]

There is some truth in what you say, though I'm sure it doesn't apply to everyone. I have certainly encountered people who seem to love the attention that their million manias a day brings to them.

If I could press a button and make the melancholy side of my nature disappear forever, I'm not sure that I would. I have learned to live with that part of me and choose to channel it into creative writing as a way of expressing how I feel.

I also enjoy reading books of an intensely emotional nature, and listening to songs too. My user name is the name of my favourite song, for example. I love it so much because I can relate to it completely. Melancholy is incredibly seducitve and so very real. To lose the ability to feel something that intensely would make me less of the person I am, I think.

I've said before that this condition can be both a gift and a curse, it's all down to how you use it. Wallowing in pity for pity's sake and for attention can be tiring for everyone, but channelling it creatively or for the greater appreciation of art as a whole can be the most liberating thing.

 

[lettypagb]

thats so true ,were all drama/king queens . 8O and yet we prefer being normal.

 

[strawberrybrunette]

I don't think i'm trying to get attention from my anxiety - but the thing about enjoying pain? I'm not sure if i am completely guilt-free in that respect. There are many masochisitic elements of my personality. And i've always considered suffering and melancholy etc etc. more artistic and more in tune with the way i am than happiness and sunshine optimistism etc etc. and all that crap. The worlds a pretty fucking miserable place - and, yeah, i guess sometimes i do enjoy being miserable - that sense of being a martyr to life or something.

 

[Day_Tripper]

I don't tell people I have SA. But I don't deny that part of me likes feeling like a misunderstood hermit than an average member of society.

 

[bleach]

I have told... let's see... 1 person about my social problems. Who I have not talked to in over 4 years. Drama king just does not fit my personality at all. I do the opposite and cover up my problems and hide my anxieties from everyone. So can't really agree with this.

 

[Kamen]

When I am in melancholic moods, I listen to more and more introspective music, I try to deepen the condition and accept it. I don't avoid it.

P.S.: I like very much the song Gloomy Sunday, as well.

 

[Walk]

Oh for sure, melancholiness is a huge part of life. Like gloomysunday stated, it can be a good thing. But the fine line between "authentic" melancholy of life as opposed to that of willingly creating one's own downfalls can be a fuzzy line to define.

My point is just that many times, we create our own problems and not do anything about them; in fact, we do them over and over again. The reasons are many, but sometimes it's because we seek attention or we "secretly" want to feel the "poor-me" victim emotions.

In the bigger scheme of things, I'm sure all of life is a melancholy trip, but I hope I'm making myself clear in my distinction between drama addiction and real life events in which we have little or no choice over.

PS This word, "melancholy", doesn't change when you use it as an adjective. Funky word.

 

[nofriends34]

I don't try to get people to feel sorry for me. I have never told anyone about my problems except my mother and one of my aunts and I never told them again. (it didn't seem that they liked the topic much, plus they didn't believe me and marginalized it.)

I don't like imposing myself upon other people. I don't want to make other people mad or be a burden to them. It makes me feel guilty. Everything I do is for other people, not myself. I do what I think other people would like for me to do so that I don't make them angry or inconvenienced (even you, I don't want to make a post that will upset you and I hope this one doesn't).
I hope I am not coming off as arrogant or something like that.

So in conclusion this problem is mine and mine alone and I blame no one and do not want pity from anyone. No one knows about it and no one cares. (I hope this doesn't sound like I'm felling sorry for myself because that is not the intention)

 

[Argamemnon]

This does not apply to me at all. I didn't chose this illness, neither do I enjoy it.

 

[roseycheeks]

i dont like to admit it but i believe there's truth in what you're saying.
I dont do the whole 'poor me' thing but I have a habit of unnecessarily apologising a lot. this is a never fail in gnerating 'poor me' responses.
i've realised how something so seemingly small can be so damaging because it also always leads to me thinkgin 'im at fault' all the time.

 

[TheWall]

I disagree.

 

[dpr]

I remember somone talking about shyness, social anxiety, and fear in general.

Instead of telling everyone that they were so poor and meek and wished them to get over their emotional problems, he pointed out a fact that describes and explains some of our psychology.

There is a part of us that we don't like to admit very often. It's part of our "dark side". And part of it enjoys pain. It enjoys playing the victim and deriving attention out of it. We've all known drama queens/kings and they exemplify this trait very clearly. But we also might have it in ourselves more than we would like to admit.

I know that a big part of life can definitely be considered melancholy, but we should realize how much of life's pain is caused by our very actions and choices.

It's painful being in a position of fear of people, of women (or men), and of the agony in thinking of the wasted time in our lives. But try to catch yourself getting other people's pity and attention by your tales of sorrow, or in believing we're better off just because we suffered more. I think it's okay to have someone feel sorry for you, but when you are seeking people's pity over and over and over again and not doing anything to help your situation, then you're probably feeding off your negative events in life in a way that isn't help you or anyone else.

I think that pointing out drama-addiction would be a good step in getting us out of SA. Not everyone may have this, but I have slipped in that mindset a few times in the past. Not useful.

I would admit that there is some comfort in mental illness. Some may use it as an excuse at times for why they can't try harder.

But I have to pretty much disagree about the whole attention-getting aspect of SA. I can't speak for everyone, but most people I have met didn't even know they had SA until it was pointed out by a doctor or until they read about it, they just knew there was something wrong. A lot of times it manifests as physical pain or whatever. And I would bet that most SA sufferers tell as few people as possible about their disorder, if anyone at all. If anything, most SA sufferers want to feel normal and be treated like everyone else, rather than have attention called to our problem. we HATE attention, actually. that's what I really don't get about your post. being the center of attention is pretty much an SA sufferer's worst nightmare.

i can also say that being a male SA sufferer is very embarassing, since guys are supposed to be strong, in control, and not care what others think of them. what guy would want the attention commanded by telling others something like, "I cry when I think people are being mean to me."?

 

[Hoth]

we should realize how much of life's pain is caused by our very actions and choices.

For someone suffering, there's nothing more depressing than knowing that you're responsible for all your own failures. I'd say it's healthier to wall off a part of yourself, label it a mental disorder and blame it as though it isn't you. Or even to blame society, human stupidity or whatever other target. Better a victim than a loser.

If your social phobia is something you know you can fight through, then by all means, put the responsibility on yourself to make it happen. Otherwise, though, it's a huge gamble which will crush you when you fail.