Am I shy or is it social phobia?

[blink12]

Hey, I just wanted to know if what Im feeling is social phobia or shyness. Im in grade 11 at high school, now, I do have a fair bit of friends (although a lot of them I've previously known at different schools, I haven't made a lot of NEW friends in high school).
Ok, so here's where a bit of confusion on the 2 come in: Each time I get called in class to say something or present, or whenever Im under pressure to say something, I usually: have troubles speaking, sometimes I even stutter a bit, I start sweating a lot, and my heart starts beating very rapidly, I feel like you do when adrenaline starts kicking in. BUT, I DONT have troubles talking to people who I dont see every day (like people who go to my school, I see every day) such as people who work at stores, library assistants, help desks at malls etc. I think it's mainly because when Im around these people, I usually have something SET to say (where can I find this item?, do you have this book?, where can I find this store? etc).
But whenever it's just something like small talk I can't really relate well to other people and it's very hard to speak my mind.
And also, often if I know that I'll have to speak a lot in class (say, do a presentation ALONE - I feel better presenting with other people), I'll have second-thoughts about actually going to that class, so sometimes I skip classes on purpose if I know I'll have to do a lot of socializing.

Is this shyness or is it a form of social phobia? (Note that Im not as bad as some people, such as the people that can't even go into a public place such as a store and ask for help, I can do these things fine just like a normal person). Thanks

 

[Hussein]

hello blink,

I would not know if u have either but I see that you do not suffer from things that I suffer from and I am "shy". I think you are in a good place. Not everyone can be confident 100% of the time.

I think the best way to gauge how shy you are is to see how shy u get in front of girls. I find it extremely difficult to talk to girls. When it comes to one on one talking to a girl I fair much better but if you find it very difficult to talk to a girl then I would say that u are probably shy rather than have SA.

If you find it easy to talk to girls then I would say you have SA.

Cheers,
H.

 

[B]

Doesn't sound like social phobia. Wasn't 'fear of public speaking' ranked above' fear of death' among most people or something? I went to Toastmasters and I've seen how freaked out 'non-shy' people get with public speaking, and I personally know blatant extroverts who couldn't stand having to read from a book in front of the class.


Also, a lot of non-shy guys get VERY nervous in front of girls. Self-consciousness is a wierd thing.

 

[B]

A good rule of thumb is :

DON'T LET PEOPLE ON AN INTERNET FORUM DIAGNOSE YOU

 

[blink12]

lol heh good rule dude, I'll follow that one for sure.
Im thinking that Im gonna wait until Im 18 (maybe it'll go away by then also), so I can talk to someone about it (Psychiatrist, counsellor etc) without my parents having to get involved.

 

[Remus]

A good rule of thumb is :

DON'T LET PEOPLE ON AN INTERNET FORUM DIAGNOSE YOU

like you just did in your previous post :lol:

 

[B]

Naa, I didn't diagnose anybody. To the 44 year old guy, I didn't say anything about opinions, I mentioned diagnosis. Get that anger checked :wink:

In response to remus, you wanna clarify a little? What diagnosis did I offer? Just kidding, buddy. Forums tend to run a lot more smoothly when people manage to stay on topic without getting petty. But then, I do realize a big problem here is lack of social skills.

A distinction I was taught to make was between social anxiety disorder, which is an actually illness, from extreme shyness which is not. The symptoms seem the same at first. I self-diagnosed. That self-diagnosis was "verified" by unqualified people on the internet, and then officially diagnosed as SA. The diagnosis was wrong.

So you really would be best to check with the professional, blink. Nervousness (or even terror) with giving solo presentations is no strong indicator of SA. That's a fear most people have. Likewise choking in front of the opposite sex.

 

[B]

8)

 

[Chilling__Echo]

people, wtf is going on???? everybody put down your weapons!! i think there's alot of misunderstandings going on here! we're not here to bring each other down. everyone chill with the defenses please! now everybody give everybody a hug (((hug)))

ok i feel better now.


anyway, to the poster, i think the best way to find out if you have a problem with anything is if it starts to affect how you live your daily life, then you have a problem and you'd be better off seeing a doc.

SA does affect people in many different ways. it's most commonly characterized by a vicious cycle of fearing bad things happening in social situations, but it varies person to person in that we all attach different things to different occurances. those who easily blush, then fear blushing. others studder and thus won't speak to people they don't know. it all depends.

all in all, if it's keeping you from living a normal life, see a doc and see what they think. b/c i have SA but i can speak publically (not easily, but with enough preparation, i can). it varies. i can talk to strangers no problem. but i've also been to alot of therapy an dgone through CBT and all that jazz. you may have a mild case or you might be really really shy. i couldn't say. take care

 

[blink12]

ok thanks for all the replies so far.
Honestly, I really don't even know if it's affecting my life. It does affect me in the sense that I can't speak my mind or just talk about anything (like other people can) as easily as I would like to. It makes it hard for me to meet people. It doesn't affect me in the sense that I can still go out and do things (such as go to a store, buy something, ask for help, participate in sports, etc).

 

[B]

blink12: Speaking what's on one's mind is tough for a lot of people.
Could it be an assertiveness thing, maybe? I'm glad you don't have any problems without going out or anything like that. If you were afraid you might have SA, then not having problems with going out and doing things and having a life in general is a good sign

Masterpiece2: Shyness is not an illness. You might be frustrated beyond words by it, but it's not an illness. Did shyness lower your self-esteem or was it low to begin with? Shyness, however extreme, can and has been overcome without the use of medication. SA requires medication for any real degree of normal social functioning. The topic of how much words matter interests you. What effect do you think telling yourself that "shyness is an illness that I have" has on your self esteem?

And now to clarify something, because this is starting to annoy me. I did not accuse anybody of diagnosing anybody. In so many words, yetis responded to the original post with "sounds like social phobia". This was after I had said "doesn't sound like social phobia". As a second thought, and because of the immediate contradicting opinions offered, I simply said "a good rule of thumb is: don't let people on an internet forum diagnose you". yetis seems to have taken offense to it for whatever reason and made an issue of it. There is no issue here. I stand by my advice to not let unqualified people in a forum diagnose you, but I think the discussion is past that anyway.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

there's so many different degrees of SA, i've been on and off meds, i'm in the process of getting off them now, i'm keeping my fingers crossed that i can stay off them for good!

but i don't think everyone neccesarily needs to be on meds. i think the therapist that says that is just prescription happy.

 

[saskman]

Definition " A disorder that results in extreme anxiety in social situations. Those who suffer from social phobia experience intense and disabling self-consciousness in these situations. People with social phobia have an intense and persistent feeling of being watched, judged, and evaluated in a negative manner."

The last sentence is the key. These are irrational thoughts, but very real to someone suffering from Social Phobia. I've suffered these feelings for 30 years. If you find yourself avoiding situations for these reasons it's a good bet you have Social Phobia

 

[kiwi]

A distinction I was taught to make was between social anxiety disorder, which is an actually illness, from extreme shyness which is not. The symptoms seem the same at first. I self-diagnosed. That self-diagnosis was "verified" by unqualified people on the internet, and then officially diagnosed as SA. The diagnosis was wrong.

So you really would be best to check with the professional, blink. Nervousness (or even terror) with giving solo presentations is no strong indicator of SA. That's a fear most people have. Likewise choking in front of the opposite sex.

I've always understood that social phobia is just the clinical term for extreme shyness (as opposed to common shyness, which is not as debilitating).

Do you have any web sites that you could point me to that explains the difference between social anxiety disorder and extreme shyness that you mentioned?

The following sites seem to suggest they are one and the same:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/social_anxiety_support_symptom_causes_treatment.htm

http://www.socialanxiety.com.au/sad-facts.htm

 

[kiwi]

Each time I get called in class to say something or present, or whenever Im under pressure to say something, I usually: have troubles speaking, sometimes I even stutter a bit, I start sweating a lot, and my heart starts beating very rapidly, I feel like you do when adrenaline starts kicking in.
<snip>
But whenever it's just something like small talk I can't really relate well to other people and it's very hard to speak my mind.
And also, often if I know that I'll have to speak a lot in class (say, do a presentation ALONE - I feel better presenting with other people), I'll have second-thoughts about actually going to that class, so sometimes I skip classes on purpose if I know I'll have to do a lot of socializing.

Is this shyness or is it a form of social phobia? (Note that Im not as bad as some people, such as the people that can't even go into a public place such as a store and ask for help, I can do these things fine just like a normal person). Thanks

I think, and I stress this is just my unprofessional opinion, that this is a clear case of social phobia. The key points being:

- "have troubles speaking, sometimes I even stutter a bit, I start sweating a lot, and my heart starts beating very rapidly, I feel like you do when adrenaline starts kicking in."

- "second-thoughts about actually going to that class, so sometimes I skip classes on purpose if I know I'll have to do a lot of socializing"

People who are just shy experience some anxiety, but it's not as extreme as you describe. If it's bad enough for you to avoid certain situations, then it's SP.

 

[gg]

:arrow: i think it could be the begining of social phobia! i remember when i was at school in year 8 or 9 my english teacher would make us do oral presentations every thursday. i fucking hated it !!!! i done a couple that didnt go so well, so every thursday after that i would skip school. but apart from that i wasnt shy or nervous about anything else. as the years have gone by though i have gotten much worse. so what I'm saying is sp has to start somewhere & prehaps this is the begining of that. if i could go back to the past i would go get some help asap. that is my advice 2 U. :lol:

 

[Reholla]

In my opinion you either have extreme shyness or the beginning stages of social phobia.

ONCE AGAIN, im not professional or a Dr., at least as far as I know So definitely dont assume this to be your "diagnosis".

But You remind me a lot of myself a few years ago. I thought i was shy and will just overcome it, but if i knew it would get worse I would have probably gone to see some one sooner.

I felt "safe" around my close friends. I was still happy, but I was living in a bubble. I could only do certain things, and what I knew I couldnt go threw I avoided (presentations) or if there was no way of getting around it, I would say as few things as possible to get it over with.

Up until a few months ago I could go to the grocery store, and shop just fine. But the thing with anxiety is that it can snowball into bigger things pretty quickly.

Dont let this scare you, and furthermore let me reiterrate that you really might just be shy. Either way, if you are wanting to be more extroverted, just do things every day to work towards this goal. ("Do something everyday that scares you") I would also watch carefully and if you feel anymore anxiety symptoms you may find it best to talk to a counselor about it.

Doing more research could help too. Just google social anxiety and read more about symptoms and see if they apply to you. Best of luck to you!!

 

[Vero20]

Hey there blink 182. I can relate with ur situation, I think we have a similar problem. I'm not afraid of talking in public but I do find not so easy to talk to people I don't know, though I do it. I have a problem to speak my mind and relationate with people, but I have a normal life I guess. Though people can't tell but I'm suffering in the inside.

 

[KevinA]

Blink, everything you described is the same with me, comfortable around people you know, have alot of friends, but all from previous years, havent made effort for new ones, and able to talk to store clerks, because its Set" I have trouble making eye contact with people cause I worry that they might think Im weird.. I dunno, I wonder what people think about me all the time its hard...

 

[xLonewolf]

Hey can someone tell me if I they think I have social phobia-

I dont have an intense fear nessesarily but I get uncomfortable, nervous, and awkward. I dont have any friends (since my last two moved) and I feel I cant carry on a conversation. I fear that people think negatively of me or just view me as weird or unimportant. I feel very uncomfortable in social gatherings and my heart races when about to call someone, or I avoid it. I get nervous when people stare at me in the eye for longer than a second. I wish I had friends but at the same time I prefer to be alone and unseen by people (at school).