Am I a Bully?

G'day Darryl - I read your post, its very similar to how I can react.

Kids fight > dad wants to sort it out > dad goes into policeman mode > dad over reacts to what's happened, maybe sees some injustice and gets angry > everyone gets upset > dad still angry but remorseful and guilt ridden > dad drives off to water views to calm down > at home mum fixes all > dad slinks home.

That's me, not so much now - more so when I was depressed

Are we bullies? Only in the sense that an angry dad can be really scary to kids and partner, so its a good idea to realise what triggers anger and have a plan - maybe shut the door and let them sort it out? It would save on petrol :p
:)
 

Darryl

Well-known member
Thanks phocas.

The trigger well that's the avoidance, which I'm working on.

I'm going to just point to the bathroom from now on as they know what pointing in that direction means, come back later and talk to them the same as I usually do.

And the fuel remark... Champagne!!!
Thats something that Coyote would say, you sure your not the same person?!!?

Regards Darryl
 

Feathers

Well-known member
Hey Darryl, I think you handled it really well..
separating the kids, showing your son what he's done, and he was sorry..

Maybe this book could benefit you:
Siblings Without Rivalry -How to Help Your Children Live Together - So You Can Live Too Books They're also on Amazon.
I haven't read it yet, I really like two of their other books for communication (How to Talk so Kids Listen)

I would also never allow my kids to play with guns, I guess, especially in small confined places, maybe outside with lots of space would be better..
There are lots of games where the focus is co-operation, working on something together, creating something good together.. I would prefer to focus kids on such games.. Is there anything they like that is more friendly and cooperative? Even some family games like this exist these days..
 

coyote

Well-known member
Kids fight > dad wants to sort it out > dad goes into policeman mode > dad over reacts to what's happened, maybe sees some injustice and gets angry > everyone gets upset > dad still angry but remorseful and guilt ridden > dad drives off to water views to calm down > at home mum fixes all > dad slinks home.
this describes the relationship with my family perfectly

i'm still beating myself up for losing my patience and temper so often

it doesn't help when your wife expects you to be "policeman" all the time, when all you really want is to be their big buddy
 
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