Always Alone </3

[punklove]

I really need to vent right now.
Lately I've been realizing that I basically have NO friends.
I just want to hang out with someone and NOT my bestfriend Katie because she's really annoying which I know isn't nice to say but I really don't have any fun with her... We just do the same things all the time and she always expects me to follow her and do what she says, like she's the boss of me or something.

All the friends I used to have don't even care about me anymore.
Am I that boring and pathetic that people just stop talking to me ?
I feel like cutting so badly right now but I know if I do that I'll eventually feel even worse about myself.

I need friends :'( Stupid f*cking anxiety is just ruining my entire life.. my entire future... everything's going down the drain for me.

Honestly I miss school. I haven't been to school for like 2 and a half months (due to anxiety) And I do pretty much nothing all day. I know that if I go back to school I'll be overwhelmingly anxious and I hate that. I feel like such a failure and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm in tears now and I can't shake the feeling that I'm worthless. What am I contributing to the world? Nothing. There's no reason for me to be alive. I know this is all so overly morbid but this is just how I'm feeling.

I'm 16 years old and I feel like my lifes already over... That it just can't get any better for me.

I'm sick of trying. I don't want to be here. The only reason I'm still here is because I couldn't leave my boyfriend I'm so in love with him and he's the only thing that's holding me up right now. But if he wasn't in my life I know that

I would be dead.

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

Hang in there. That's all I can say. ::

I've been going through the same thing since your age or even before that. It's a miserable life but I've grown accustomed to it.

I hope it works out for you..

 

[mint]

I think I know how you feel until a year or two ago I had only a few friends and they either lived far away or were always too busy to hang out.
Do your bestfriend or boyfriend have any good friends? Maybe you could try to hang out with a group of them sometime. I personally find it easier to talk to new people if there is someone familiar with me.

 

[xlottiex]

I could of easily of wrote that, i didnt know i had SA until i had some therapy at the beginning of september, since then everything i have felt has made perfect sense....

I recently split up with my partner of 7 years after seeing how horrible and actually abusive he was to me! - and i have never felt so alone in my whole life - even tho, im not and people keep telling me i have lots going for me....where?? i dont see it?? a guy who i really like and i have been texting and its really sent me crazy - i over analyse everything he says and does - its mad, and i know its the anxiety!! i jsut wish i could break away from it and enjoy texting him, not worrying about if hes gonna go sleep with every other girl he knows!!

Im always scared to meet new people, fear of rejection - i had a group of friends at work - i dont keep in touch with them, i met a group of friends at my sons school.....i decided they didnt like me and i distanced myself from them....

i would love nothing more than a few more friends, somebody other than my best friend of 11 years to call up and say hey fancy going shopping, or hey fancy coming over or having a group of friends i could have over

the guy im hoping im going to start seeing in the future has got lots of friends , which has recently made me feel more like this, because im like well he hasnt got time for me he wont see me, he will meet somebody else in his friendship group, i mean i went wierd on him when he told me his friends were trying to set him up with somebody but hes not interested....i literally took that as it was because he was interested in me, but then that little voice crept in and said hes lying!!

Ive been trying to think of ways i can change my life....i want to go back to college, and i want to learn to drive - these 2 things could be the positive change i need right now, yet im like you wont do them, you cant do them!!

i dont want to live like this anymore!! not to the point where i want to do something harmful to myself, i just wnat to believe i am good enough for this guy, i am good enough to drive a car, and i am good enough to make friends

 

[joyce]

I have friends my mom and despair soul (despair soul rules)
I really hope you find a friend punklove oh wait ill be your friend

 

[DespairSoul]

Hello Punklove,

Your post remind me of me if i was younger,im not that old but still older ten years then u are. I know how that feel overhelming anxious in the school not clicking with much people only with few. But u know what?Always is better have few good frends as buch of bad ones and only hanging with them out because u dont have other ones i would better be alone as with bad frends. I think u also. Go out from school isnt solution, because i did the same and now im feel i did really big mistake in my live that i wasnt stronger,now i feel even less worth it that i dont graduate.But in this time i really break down and i couldnt go school anymore. I had suicidal thoughts wich chasing me till now.
But this isnt about me but about u hun. School is future and u know this as well as i do.
Try go school back if u will feel better. And u will see maybe will be there bright days?

If your frend act bossy try talk to her,that sometimes u like do something else as she wants. Thats is work of the team and she and u are team,maybe write some list of things what u would like to do with her and show her that list. Say to her that frenship is about tolerance and doing stuff what both like and make some compromise. Tell her that isnt fair that every time u meet her is the same. Tell her lets be spontaneous. Make some progress. Because isnt only about her but also about you.

I have yet idea u can find frend on internet as well and later meet up. I guess this can be also dangerous if u dont know that person, but if u meet always between a lot of people in public. Maybe joining to some activity like art class, karate, yoga or anything else what u like could be helpfull too because after time u have high chance find there frends. The same in some part time job. Take care i cross my fingers, only dont cutt your self because this isnt solution u will only relax for few minutes and later u will feel anyway the same even worse but this u know alone right?