Alone

[recluse]

I'm going to be alone all my life I know it! I'm never going to get a girlfriend bacause I am afraid of girls more than anything. I am inept at socializing and I have no clue how to talk with girls. It's driving me nuts because I would treat a girl right but sadly with my social phobia I have no hope of meeting that special lady. If I did have a girlfriend I would probably be paranoid that she would find me boring and leave me for another guy anyway. I have lost hope

 

[Starry]

One small point... You say you have "no clue how to talk to girls"...

We're not a different species, just a different gender lol... Talk to them the same way you'd talk to anyone else...

Of course, that doesn't help with fear, which is your main problem, yes?

So the obvious point is to get over the fear... Which is easier said than done... But all the fear comes from staying within your own mind. Thinking about possible outcomes, not thinking about here and now... Now, I'm a complete hypocrite, since I am hopeless.. Worse than you... I can't talk to anyone properly... (I'm more intimidated by males, but am more scared of judgement from my own gender.) People only get, "yes", "No", "Maybe", and General noises like "hmm" from me... I just can't converse well at all verbally. But even with me being like that, I still know that the way to disolve fear is to concentrate outwardly. Don't think internally, think externally, concentrate on what's going on during the moment, not on the hundreds of possibilities that may happen, but most likely won't. Don't think about how you're feeling, concentrate on the other person. Obviously that's easier said than done when you're filled with anxiety that's tearing you apart... But if you start off small it can be achieved...

Example, I have voice conversations with a guy I know online. As I said, I'm hopeless at conversing anyway, but if I don't think about myself and worry about how I'm sounding etc, it is easier, not a lot, because I automatically think about myself, and I find it difficult to not do so, but with practice it should get easier. I trust him a lot, so there isn't too much anxiety there, but I still have problems conversing... Give me a keyboard and I can type for hours though lol.

But back to you.

You're worrying about things that currently have no chance of happening... "If I had a girlfriend..." etc... Concentrate on just being able to converse with females, being friends with them to get over the fear of them first... And remember, different gender, not different species. :wink:

And never give up hope. You never know who is waiting just around the corner. You just need to work on your fear so that you're not too scared when she appears. It can be done though.

 

[Jegan]

Yes..this is the im feeling rite now..when im out there in the world..i juss feel like im nothing.. i just feel so lost and hope less.. its sooo bad..im just living to die..thats what im doing..

sorry man i cant help u. but ur not the only one..

 

[emmdee]

All i can say is don't. Sometimes i just want to say screw it too, because why does it matter anyways if we're all going to die?

And then i say to myself, it's because we have a chance to live. Right now.

Life isn't the best thing, but some things are just so amazing once you find them, that you forget about everything bad. That is love. In truth, in order to live at all you must find it.

And god wants you to live, right? Why would he be selective in who gets to live? Answer: He wouldn't. That is why there is someone for everyone. Even if it isn't necessarily a boyfriend or husband (or in your case, a girlfriend). It could be a best friend, a sister, a brother, a mother, a father, anyone really. The only thing that matters is there has to be someone who cares.

Even if there isn't a god, even if you don't believe in that - why would you let yourself not have someone who cares? Hell, you deserve it! And no matter how hard you try, it will come when you least expect it. But if you don't try - don't be expecting it at all. Those who don't try will never succeed.

And who knows...maybe it's right before your eyes.

 

[recluse]

All i can say is don't. Sometimes i just want to say screw it too, because why does it matter anyways if we're all going to die?

And then i say to myself, it's because we have a chance to live. Right now.

Life isn't the best thing, but some things are just so amazing once you find them, that you forget about everything bad. That is love. In truth, in order to live at all you must find it.

And god wants you to live, right? Why would he be selective in who gets to live? Answer: He wouldn't. That is why there is someone for everyone. Even if it isn't necessarily a boyfriend or husband (or in your case, a girlfriend). It could be a best friend, a sister, a brother, a mother, a father, anyone really. The only thing that matters is there has to be someone who cares.

Even if there isn't a god, even if you don't believe in that - why would you let yourself not have someone who cares? Hell, you deserve it! And no matter how hard you try, it will come when you least expect it. But if you don't try - don't be expecting it at all. Those who don't try will never succeed.

And who knows...maybe it's right before your eyes.

The love of a mother, father, sister etc is different. You expect them to love you don't you?

 

[recluse]

Yes..this is the im feeling rite now..when im out there in the world..i juss feel like im nothing.. i just feel so lost and hope less.. its sooo bad..im just living to die..thats what im doing..

sorry man i cant help u. but ur not the only one..

It's ok. Nice to know I'm not the only one though.

 

[Freedom_dreams]

Oh I am exactly the same. I come to sadly accept that there is and never will be anyone who can or would understand and care for me. I'm a complete misfit, no matter how much I try to fit in I feel like i never will and because of that I'll never meet anyone. Then even if I was to I cannot talk to people, like I just don't know how. My mind goes blank.

Hmm not sure what I'm trying to say here but you are not alone in your aloness. Just not sure what can be done about it.

 

[Joldo]

I know how you feel, I don't feel like I'm living life, merely existing.

I guess I have always hoped that someone or something special will slip into my life naturally. But as time goes by I am slowly coming to the realization that this might be all there is. I guess you just gotta try and cling on to any small shard of hope you've got left, any day your life might make an unexpected turn for the better.

 

[Butterflies]

OK Recluse - how can you say you've got nothing to talk about. I find your posts most entertaining.

You could be like some other people who have plenty of girls - changing all the time. But, when you're looking for something a bit special it takes a little more time and effort. It doesn't matter what it is in life we want - if it is highly prized and valuable it takes effort, patience, persistence and the right tools to achieve! Treasures are usually hidden - you need to dig for them. It's not easy.

What are you doing to slowly build your self-esteem? Are you looking in the right places? What have you done to get help in making conversation?

You might be in a real downer - but you can come up --- You might be too scared to talk to girls right now - but there are things you can do. You can work with it. Someone taught me a great formula once for making conversation - I use it EVERYTIME I have to speak to someone.

If you want me to share it with you - please email me [email protected]

 

[Legiac]

I'm going to be alone all my life I know it! I'm never going to get a girlfriend bacause I am afraid of girls more than anything. I am inept at socializing and I have no clue how to talk with girls. It's driving me nuts because I would treat a girl right but sadly with my social phobia I have no hope of meeting that special lady. If I did have a girlfriend I would probably be paranoid that she would find me boring and leave me for another guy anyway. I have lost hope

Treat her like dirt - she'll stick to you like mud. And I'm not kidding. The harder you dish out, the more and more she has to answer to YOU. In fact, I cheated on my girl 5 times already, and all I have to do in order to recover from it is slap her one. I can't believe you didn't know that one by now.

 

[sparky77]

get good at story telling

 

[coriander1992]

It doesn't matter what it is in life we want - if it is highly prized and valuable it takes effort, patience, persistence and the right tools to achieve! Treasures are usually hidden - you need to dig for them. It's not easy.

I love your way of explaining things Butterflies

 

[sparky77]

try asking a girl the time

 

[bleach]

I agree, recluse. I cant even say hello or make eye contact with a girl I dont know, even if Im not attracted to them. To a girl I am attracted to it is impossible to ever carry on a conversation, whether I know them or not, even if they want to talk to me. Im 23 years old and its probably never going to get better... or if it does get better, it will be when Im old and gray and missed my chance.

There is no point in living when you have no confidence in yourself... none. You will never find love, happiness, or success of any kind. and how can you have confidence when youve never known any of those things... when the whole world just reinforces how worthless you are?

 

[EveM]

Don't give up hope! You sound like a really nice sensitive guy, I wish I could meet a man like you!

p.s. I have that fear about people finding me boring too so I completely understand where you're coming from with that.

 

[recluse]

I agree, recluse. I cant even say hello or make eye contact with a girl I dont know, even if Im not attracted to them. To a girl I am attracted to it is impossible to ever carry on a conversation, whether I know them or not, even if they want to talk to me. Im 23 years old and its probably never going to get better... or if it does get better, it will be when Im old and gray and missed my chance.

There is no point in living when you have no confidence in yourself... none. You will never find love, happiness, or success of any kind. and how can you have confidence when youve never known any of those things... when the whole world just reinforces how worthless you are?

To love and be loved you have to love yourself first that's what they say........But how can i, when i hate myself!?

 

[recluse]

Don't give up hope! You sound like a really nice sensitive guy, I wish I could meet a man like you!

p.s. I have that fear about people finding me boring too so I completely understand where you're coming from with that.

Thanks Eve That's the problem with this social phobia; We are too preoccupied with what we think people see us to be.