agoraphobic and helpless

#1
I am new to any forum, but desperate for help. I have been agoraphobic for many years but am able to go out if accompanied. There's a big problem with that though as I have alienated everyone who knows me because they have no understanding of my illnesses and act like they don't care. Over the years I have also developed a fear of using a phone and have had social-phobia for years also, so I feel totally alone. Because of all this, I cannot go to a doctor and a doctor WILL NOT come to me. I have other illnesses which I am positive that medication would help. I feel utterly helpless, worthless, desperate and most days I feel like I'm just waiting to die.
 

Facethefear

Well-known member
#3
I was almost agoraphobic in my twenties. I didn't want people to look at me so I wore bland clothing, sunglasses and a hat. I carried a magazine to read on public transportation. I had lozenges to suck on so my mouth would not go dry. I got to work and home like that. It can be done. It might be scary to walk out your door but take the first step. Now I have no problem.
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
#5
Take small steps, but for your own sake at least take them. Let's say you can't even fathom the idea of going outside. Start by opening your front door and just standing at the entrance, looking out. Then close the door if it gets too overwhelming, take the time to relax, and do it again. Keep doing this until you're ready to take a single step outside, and acknowledge the fear that you're feeling without letting it take control of the situation. Tell yourself that everything's okay, and convince yourself that that's the real truth. Keep taking more and more little steps, enjoying the world around you and the things that you'll miss if you stay inside the house.
 

Monkish1

Well-known member
#6
The world is a confusing place. I miss that connected feeling I used to have with people in elementary school. Like having extended family even with the painstaking shyness. As an adult, it feels like everyone is a stranger. People are hard to know, and socializing seems dubious.

Definitely been there, through about age 5 until college. Avoidant behavior makes one invisible, it's true, and limits social resources. My fear of going out seems to have improved with time and perspective, and was based in paranoia, so I don't know if you are similar. It sounds awful, but the flip side of people not caring is that it is generally true. You can go out and assume that no one cares. With family though, it might mean that they simply cannot relate, not that they mean to be cruel.
 
#7
Thank you all for your comments. I live in aberdeen, scotland. I think I would be able to attend doctor if accompanied (I used to be able to, but that was a long time ago and I have developed further phobias since, so I'm not sure)... but the major problem I have with this is that I don't have anyone to rely on that would take me to the doctor on a regular basis> I have to pay "friends" to take me anywhere and this kind of friendship makes me dislike them a lot at times, so I pull away further and fall out with them very easily
 
#8
Thank you all for your comments. I live in aberdeen, scotland. I think I would be able to attend doctor if accompanied (I used to be able to, but that was a long time ago and I have developed further phobias since, so I'm not sure)... but the major problem I have with this is that I don't have anyone to rely on that would take me to the doctor on a regular basis> I have to pay "friends" to take me anywhere and this kind of friendship makes me dislike them a lot at times, so I pull away further and fall out with them very easily
Is there someone who does this as a service that you could pay? or is there a volunteer organisation that could help you? or is there a community nurse type thing you could use? just throwing some ideas around :]
 
#9
Is there someone who does this as a service that you could pay? or is there a volunteer organisation that could help you? or is there a community nurse type thing you could use? just throwing some ideas around :]
I'm currently "subscribed" to a community mental health service. Every week or so sby comes out to check on me, chat, & can take me to chemist/doctor/etc if i need.
It sounds like you could do with sth similar?. Maybe if you could get to the doctor one last time via a "friend", then you could ask about subscribing to a (free/govt) mental health community service. And they'd be able to also get you onto medication/s that could help with some issues you have.
 
#10
I was assessed years ago by a psychiatrist who said he would try and help me but his attitude was beyond terrible (he had sent the first 3 letters to a previous address, then came down really hard on me for missing those appointments!). I have also been seen (many years ago) about maybe getting a CPN but that idea was almost immediately dismissed - not by me. I am pretty sure this is all because I usually put on a show of not being as needy and helpless as I really am, and many years have passed since any "offers of help" and I have steadily got worse since.
 
#11
I was assessed years ago by a psychiatrist who said he would try and help me but his attitude was beyond terrible (he had sent the first 3 letters to a previous address, then came down really hard on me for missing those appointments!). I have also been seen (many years ago) about maybe getting a CPN but that idea was almost immediately dismissed - not by me. I am pretty sure this is all because I usually put on a show of not being as needy and helpless as I really am, and many years have passed since any "offers of help" and I have steadily got worse since.
So if these were from years ago, maybe leave those behind and have a fresh think about what could be helpful for you now? :thumbup:
 
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