Advice for those being bullied

[lonewolf31]

stand up for yourself and fight back. As hard as it will be it's the only proper way to deal with it or you'll never respect yourself years later. I know because I'm 33 years old and still regret not standing up for myself as a 14 yr old kid being picked on by other kids. Lately for some reason it's really been eating at me everyday. Events that took place nearly 20 years ago still haunt me. I even had a dream recently where I was humiliated (it was very realistic). I wish I can go back in time and give those two bullies what they deserved but I can't. And doing it now probably wouldn't do me any good either. But my life may be alot different now if I'd of stood up for myself back then and didn't retreat to my own little world and hide because of fear. I wound up taking my frustrations out on other kids, picking and choosing my battles. One kid beat me up when I was in 9th grade and another kid spread a false rumour about me that quckly spread around the school and around the town where I lived, amoung kids my age of course. My freshman year was nothing less than a nightmare. My so called best friend turned his back on me and basically took the side of the bullies. The next year he wanted to friends again but I told him to **** off. I think he wound up a herion addic in his adult life so I heard. But anyway, I had not a friend in the school. It was very traumatic for me I remember. I rode out the year at that school and wound up transfering to another one. But not after my reputation and self respect were taken away. After that I had a pretty normal high school experience in the new school. Many of my friends that I went to grade school with went there and it was an easy intergration. I was actually a pretty popular kid there (as i was before i went into 9th grade). I played sports in high school as well and was a decent athlete. Never took any crap from anyone since that year because I realized my mistake was how I reacted to the bullying. Weakness fuels the bully(s) fire. I beleive that the anxiety that started when I was 18, was caused by what I went through at 14 and is the cause of what developed into social anxiety as an adult. It's something that all could have been avoided , I beleive by facing my tormentors, not running from them. just my 2 cents

 

[hedgemaster1]

I think we all store alot of things in our subconcious that we don't realize. Things that later come out to haunt us down the road.I wish I could have changed alot of things about those years too. I was picked on because i was affraid of fighting back and being expelled. Now I work as a prison guard....lol Imagine that change! LOL

 

[nezul]

hahahah, hedgemaster you a funny one, i do love doses of irony. good one XD

sorry to say but in my opinion your advice is flawed, you right to say you should fight back, but not with violence. pretty much send a message saying BACK OFF.

fighting will usually do this but it will often get you hurt, its up to you if you think its worth it.

hell even my best friend turned on me when i was getting bullied. although we are in a neutral relationship now.

my advice, get good at a sport that will earn you respect, have some friends to talk to and careful what you say and what you do. the advice "be yourself" is terrible at school but strong, be pround, be confident and dont let people knock you around, also random acts of kindness and humidity does wonders.

although i will admit you you survive school nowdays you can pretty much survive anything in life.

thats my peice.

 

[MandyMo]

yeah, i struggle with the same thing...I was a straight A student...nice, gorgeous ( not to sound vain ), rich...until a lecturer started bullying me, and it just freaked me out. I was told that I was grosse, stupid, that I had to F%#@ off...I could have taken another subject...but I decided to be "strong" and "normal" and to stick it out. Everytime the lecturer saw me this person just flipped out and hated me. It was obvious the lectuere hated the job. I forgot about it, but after a while I just started getting scared and irritated. This issue was part of the reason I tried suicide, together with the pressures of being a new university student. I guess I crawled into my shell a little...I was getting depressed I guess...I did not finish my degree as an A candidate. I have lost respect and become less bubbly. I have to get a job now but im scared.

This life is tough, but I guess we must move forward. I think that if we keep our own side clean, we will never feel bad cuz of what happens to us cuz we did not cause it. People who bully are miserable and jealous, and maybe we should just let them be. They're wasting their own time...and we're all gonna leave this earth eventually. What will we leave it as?

Good Luck.

 

[nezul]

people bully for a number of reasons, to many for me to right down but those are the two bigs ones.

as for moving foward, thats no the problem, is moving foward un scathed, thats tricky. bullying can create permanant psychological damage which will affect you for the rest of your life.

schools tough, learn the rules (by god there are millions) and no harm will come to you.

 

[Jay Cataldo]

I beleive that the anxiety that started when I was 18, was caused by what I went through at 14 and is the cause of what developed into social anxiety as an adult. It's something that all could have been avoided

This may very well be true, but you can still take action and do something about it. Many therapeutic techniques exist that can effectively release the stored pain and anger from your childhood. Just because you can't go back in time and change the situation doesn't mean you have to carry around these feelings for the rest of your life.

 

[Cynic]

I fully agree with your advise! You have to hit the bully back HARD!

If its someone within your peer group, then I agree. The only way to stop a bully is to hit back twice as hard even if it means using a weapon.

However, if you're a man, and the bully is a 5'1", 7st. middle aged female boss, then hitting the bully hard isn't such a good idea then, is it?

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

i took ur advise on fighting back using words and not actions, and it worked for a while, he was shocked that i was 'fighting' back.
But once he relised that they were jst words, he beat me again.

 

[no1]

I have fought back.. but in my younger years, and it kinda made me still look like an idiot.

I guess it also depends on how you fight back.

 

[Cynic]

couple of audio/video recordings (=proof) and they will lose their job.

A couple of problems with this:

1) Is would be extremely difficult to film someone without being spotted.

2) Chances are that if you play back the video to the bully's bosses, they would either lose, destroy or simply ignore the evidence as hierarchies nearly always stick together.

Once you and the bully are 18 or 20 (dus adult age) than physical beating is not 'on the menu' and acceptable.

I see you're from the UK, but obviouslly you haven't been to the city centre on Friday or Saturday nights if you don't think that physical violence is the norm, because it is. Inner-city people on the whole settle disputes violently.

I have fought back.. but in my younger years, and it kinda made me still look like an idiot.

Why? In what way did it make you look an idiot?

 

[mitchellb999]

The worst thing is getting in trouble from the authorities for standing up to bullies. It's like the system is intentionally deigned to protect bullies.

 

[Sacrament]

Fighting back is always the best advice. If I had found the strength to fight back, I wouldn't have been as bullied as I was. Still, some of the worst bullying came from a guy who would find a way to kill me if I stood up to him. Very bad individuals.

 

[Jake123]

Fighting back physically is retarded. At least where I live, it doesn't matter who's bullying who or who started it, both parties get screwed. A bully isn't worth screwing up your life over.

 

[Honda]

I live in Dubai... I used to be bullied cuz i showed alot of fear and cowardice in school and university.. I was too scared of embarrasment that i didnt even dare play sport in school or uni.. I look good and talk nice to chicks, sure find it difficult to pick 'em up cuz i never dared to in the past from my fear but now im doing fine.. Still i fear bullies like hell and i am haunted by ideas 24/7, stuff that happened years ago.. Cant sleep well cuz its stuck in my head... Recently, a friend of mine sense fear in me and tires to mess around with me, other people take it lightly but he does it to me cuz i take with fear, confusion and anger.. It brings back old fears and memories and i try to fight back but hes more swift cuz i was never used to stand up for myself... I dont even dare to tell him to stop cuz i think he will push it harder and i dont want that cuz i will wind up doing something stupid and looking dumb... Im good in living life now even though seeing people doing sports, seeing bullies, dealing with bullies or friends from the past makes me nervous... Its destorys my confidence and judgement and people start seeing this fear on my face.. Peoply enjoy my company but judge me as a coward as most dont understand my situation and they assume i had a horrible childhood as a loser though i try to hide it but they just sense it from my behaviour and thinking...

I dont think like normal people do cuz i never lived a normal life due to my fear and misconfidence... Bullies see fear in you no matter how hard u try to hide and they play it around for their own good... People who see my weakness some of them might try to push me around or tease me about something cuz they know ill be quite like a coward about it... Im 22 years old and never hard a girl and i keep on feeling devastated no matter how good my life is..

I developed a passion for mechanics, cars and racing cuz i never had a habit so i met new friends in the process but street smart bullies are everywhere and once they see a tiny drop of weakness they will jump on u wherever you are..

My worst fear and weakness is answering back to offences.. A college friend of mine messes around with me and pushes me around with heavy jokes cuz they get me nervous and shortempered and he told me once that im a wuss acting like im on my period.. I know people treat u the way you want them to treat you.. He doesnt go too far but he exceed certain boundaries cuz he knows im too scared to stop him and not good in answering back.. Cant get it out of my head 24/7 for no apparent reason... & its not a big deal really...

I dont believe in psychologists to solve these problems people with bigger issues survived in this world..

 

[Honk]

I've been bullied, and I've been a bully.

And victims fighting back did never discourage me, ever.
So, how could I be stopped, back in the day?

1) ignore me
works best and fastest

2) pathetic resistance
I would loose interest then


What would get me started?

anything beyond 2)


I'm not saying that fighting back doesn't work, cause it allways depends on the bully.
I'm sure you can stop most bullys with physical violence. (Would have worked on me, but none tried)
But you might run into a real pscho, use your imagination...

 

[Honda]

I used to get attracted to the idea of hurting weak people.. It human nature, the small fish eats big fish.. but im upset that i dont use my brain properly in such situations and thats the best way to survive bullies.... not fights...

Mostly the damage u get is mental, i mean there is nothing wrong with u but it just beats u down whenever it comes to situations that remind u of the events.... I got a good life, good friends now and i good with chicks but still i got a mental trauma that eats my head at least once a day... I started to believe its a scar i should live with.. I mean all people got a problem or two in this world and i believe mine is a minor problem... I know i can defend myself but i get lost and confused in such situations which makes me an easy victim... Of course i got over alot of stuff and i can cope with people and situations better...

I look around me and i find that normal people feel the same but its just that i amplify my fear to the extent that it disables my ability to think or behave in such situations... Losing my cool which is the biggest mistake in extreme situations and can put u in deeper shit..

 

[Untamed88]

My advice is Dont Put Up With It. Im sure its hard fighting back but you will regret it forever if you just take the crap they are giving you like you deserve it.

 

[Honda]

Hey 1 thing forsure being afraid is natural so dont u ever deny it... But being the man is about facing the situation even if ur scared sh1tless and accepting that the world is not a perfect place... but dont be stupid, still use ur head.. If u surrender to fear then u lose ur cool and u wont think properly, just accept it and live with it, its part of your nature..

 

[shore_of_glass]

if I stood up to the bullies I had when I was about 14 yo, I'd get a group ass beating plus humiliation. If I stood up a little bit more maybe they'd pull a knife on me. The only way out to me was being a ****ed up retard like them and do the same to other people, but I would never do such thing.

 

[Honda]

Its been a long time since i experienced bullies and i still have a great fear from them. Even if someone is talking to be loudly or aggressively sometimes i freak out, i know its normal to be afraid, i used to deny it which was my mistake, but the mistake i still do is I let myself stick to my comfort zone and avoid situations where i feel scared or uncomfy... I feel like i dont mind anymore getting embarrassed or looking stupid infront of people for the least and i dont feel bad about taking the shot.. I want more, im slowly trying to push myself...

Im not sure how ill react when i get in a bad situation but i know ill be scared alot and there's nothing i could've preplanned or reconsidered for such situations, its never predictable... I might be humiliated or treated like **** but id want to be smart and try to get the situation to my own benefit.. Getting courage to face such situations isnt gonna be easy but i wana do it rather than feeling like a coward for the rest of my life.. Even if i get beaten up which is likely and isnt something nice or good, let me take it with pride and let me try a shot or 2 at them..