Addicting temptation???

[EscapeArtist]

Over the past two weeks something in me has changed.. I used to think I had a purpose and could change the world and in a short month I've decided this is what's putting all these heavy high standards on myself, so i've ditched the idea. Only problem I guess is that now I see myself as a nobody, I think I thought of myself as a future-world-changing-prophet as a defense mechanism, so that I didn't have to live for myself.

Anyways, over the past 1-2 weeks i've had very strong urges to get addicted to SOMETHING. I'm so used to having so much hope for the future and something to look forward to! It used to be living for a passion to change the earth, revert into fitting with nature... Instead now I get these strong temptations to use SOMETHING. Coke, heroin, mdma, oxycodone, alcohol. I haven't even tried many of these but I get into these moods where I am SO DESPERATE for something strong that will make me helpless, I rip apart my sister's room looking for MDMA even though she quit more than a year ago. If I didn't have social anxiety right now, I think I would have gotten into some serious ****, the thing I want the most is heroin (i've never done it, although i've done oxy, which i'm unable to get and hear is very similar if not the same high). I have a very, very addictive personality, i've been addicted to water, food, exercise. I need an addiction always, I recently have cut off my sugar addiction and right now I just want something to abuse.

This mood comes and goes only twice a week but right now i'm in it and I'm so unsure what to do! I really just want to call somebody up and ask for coke or something but thank god I have social anxiety. I just want something new to look forward to. Place I live has drugs everywhere.. How do I get rid of this need for an addiction!

(I may delete this post later because i'm very hesitant to admit this)

EDIT: I realise this mood has come upon me ever since beginning Zoloft. Coincidence? I can't drink on Zoloft or I sweat violently and pass out, but i'm still tempted

 

[Luna1740]

I used to be addicted to multiple substances, I began abusing drugs due to the same situation, ID romanticized drug abuse so much in my head that it was ridiculous, and now that i'm clean I can honestly say that it is not worth it, so your choices are either don't do it, or do it and **** up everything in your entire life, because I know that it is terrible now, but trust me, there is no bottom floor in hell

 

[Tangent]

Don't go down the path of heroin. It's too sad, too dangerous, too devastating, too ugly. Your life is worth so much more than that.

To anyone who considers trying heroin I would recommend watching the heart-wrenching story of Ben Rogers in the documentary, Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict. You can find it in five parts on Youtube. I haven't linked to it directly because it contains graphic images of him injecting into his groin and medium-level coarse language.

 

[worrywort]

you sound a lot like me....I have similar addictive tendencies.....but I've often noticed that people who have addictive personalities often have this exaggerated thirst for something greater, something spiritual, some kind of higher calling.....but when they can't find it in their lives, they turn to the easier places where they know they'll get a quick hit....i.e. drugs, sex, drinking, gambling, whatever.....I see this pattern in my own life a lot....when my art, or personal projects aren't going very well I begin to get this really strong desire to get some kind of hit from somewhere...I get this craving in my chest that I just need to satisfy somehow....whereas when my art is going well I feel much more at peace and relaxed.

I dont know if this is the solution for you, as I've never taken Zoloft, but the solution I've found works best for me is self control. I've found that it's possible to make your cravings work for you, rather than having them pull you around wherever they please like a slave. I try to focus on channelling my cravings into slow burning, long lasting avenues rather than the fast burning, quick hit options. And I try to always obey my head rather than my chest...if I know something will be bad for me, no matter how much my chest wants it, I obey my head and don't allow it....and I find that the more I practice this, the quieter my cravings become and the more easily manageable they become too.

so my advice to you would be to not give up on your dreams of changing the world...but if you're finding them too difficult, just try to break them into smaller pieces.....but don't quit fighting for your dreams....just try to channel all your energy into them.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Thanks all for replying!
I used to have this addictive attitude a couple years ago, but after an addiction to oxycontin I realised the horror of real addiction and that it was NOT worth it. This is why I find it so odd I want an addiction again.

I have decided it is the Zoloft, because what I crave most is alcohol, and I usually hate alcohol, i've only dranken alcohol around 5 times, so how odd is it that I have an OVERWHELMING craving??? The worst part is that a couple days ago I had 1/2 a glass of red wine and I thought I was going to die because I kept passing out and my circulation felt as if it just stopped. Yet, even now, I want a drink SO BAD.

I will be telling my doc about this....

 

[EscapeArtist]

Ugh. ****, people. I'm drinking but I know this is not safe in combination with Zoloft on me, but I can't stop myself, this is so wierd and not good.

 

[EscapeArtist]

MUST be the zoloft. I find this to be such a wierd side effect!! I'm also craving cocaine which i've never done and hope to never do. Little freaking wierd

 

[Psychedelicious]

Sparkling Insanity

I can't say I understand why anyone would want to be addicted to anything. Like is it more that you want to be actually addicted to that thing or just do it in the moment? You should stop taking the Zoloft. I think I used to take that, but it just had no effect on me. It's really not helping, so you should stop taking it. Plus if you're anything like me, once you start you can't stop. In one night I'll go from one drink to half a bottle of vodka in one easy, so don't start!