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- Thread starter spider04
- Start date
If you're not a talkative person then you're not a talkative person. You shouldn't have to pretend to want to talk a lot just to impress her.
However, I've been in that situation before when dating, and every guy would comment on how quiet I was. So, my solution was to just ask a ton of questions whenever I went out with someone new. I wouldn't have to talk much, but I still came across as interested. Since you two are still in the first stages of your relationship, it won't be awkward for you to come out with random questions to try to get to know her better.
However, I've been in that situation before when dating, and every guy would comment on how quiet I was. So, my solution was to just ask a ton of questions whenever I went out with someone new. I wouldn't have to talk much, but I still came across as interested. Since you two are still in the first stages of your relationship, it won't be awkward for you to come out with random questions to try to get to know her better.
sullyS25
Well-known member
If you try and be someone you are not you will come off as unauthentic. If you force conversation it will be awkward. You can not be something your not and you dont NEED to be talkative.
Be confident in the fact that you dont talk much and dont doubt that that is part of your personality. That way the conversation will be more authentic and you will show her the real you.
Tuco
Well-known member
I am glad things are going well for you, so if being yourself is working in your personal relationships, keep doing it. But I think most of the time this doesn't work for people like us and if we want to improve our social lives we have to start acting different. Take me for example, I have been myself all my life and I am completely alone.
All the talk about being yourself reminds me of this scene from Community (one of my favorite shows):
Community - Abed (the vampire) needs to date - YouTube
Ignace
Well-known member
She can't force you to talk more, it wouldn't work anyway if it doesn't come naturally. Tell her you just can't talk more, especially not under pressure, she should understand this. You don't Need to be more talkative, if you wanna get to know each other more, let them ask the questions. 
If you can come up with something then do so, but don't break your head cause you can't figure something out to tell/ask.
If you can come up with something then do so, but don't break your head cause you can't figure something out to tell/ask.
YellowBird
Well-known member
that's amazing!i'm so happy for you whatever you do,don't run from it and don't listen to your fears,the girl seems to have empathy,maybe later help her understand that you struggle.don't think about what you have to say at all,no one does and yet they talk,there isn't a moment that we don't hear that little voice in our heads"talking",we always have stuff to say and you will have stuff to say when the time comes,you just have to stop worrying about them,it's anxiety's fault we"can't think of stuff to say".this probably isn't the best advice,but it's kind of practical,maybe you could take half a xanax(ask a doctor ofcourse before,and about the doses,because it's could be too heavy for some)or try anything that will help you relax,a bath,exercise,reading a book,just as long as you feel calm and remove all the negative thoughts you may have.may the force be with you!
whatever you do,don't run from it and don't listen to your fears,the girl seems to have empathy,maybe later help her understand that you struggle.don't think about what you have to say at all,no one does and yet they talk,there isn't a moment that we don't hear that little voice in our heads"talking",we always have stuff to say and you will have stuff to say when the time comes,you just have to stop worrying about them,it's anxiety's fault we"can't think of stuff to say".this probably isn't the best advice,but it's kind of practical,maybe you could take half a xanax(ask a doctor ofcourse before,and about the doses,because it's could be too heavy for some)or try anything that will help you relax,a bath,exercise,reading a book,just as long as you feel calm and remove all the negative thoughts you may have.may the force be with you!
YellowBird
Well-known member
awesome!don't force yourself too much,you are doing beautifully.
Duzmiu
Well-known member
no-one was born to be alone its human nature to be with someone you can love and care for. its just finding that person is the thing you need to focus on, you will have good and bad relationships is just the way things happen.
ive only had 4 girlfriends and all of them were sl**s. they all cheated on me, one even was dating 4 people at once, at first i thought it was because of me but after spending along time thinking about it ofc one guy isnt enough for her is shes willing to put out within knowing them less then a day, a few hours in one case.
ive had nothing but bad experience when it comes to my own relationships but ive always been told im good at helping others
im the similar to you im not a very talkative person i prefer to listen most the time but get on a subject i know a bit about and i can hold a conversation for hours.
an old friend told me something before "i may be shy and rarely talk but when ever i do speak its always something worth listening too" maybe your the same as me just dont realise yet, as it was said before dont push yourself to talk, only talk when your comfortable doing so. if you push yourself to talk it could make you stress about what to say which is never good, if you dont know what to say just nod and smile.
also may i ask did she say she wants to be just "friends" or do you think that as a result of a bad day?
if she didnt say it then apolagise to her even if you did nothing wrong an apology goes a long way
think i rambled on a bit there