People talking around you?

HeadFace

HeadFace

Well-known member
I'm not sure if it's just me... But when you're in a group, do you ever feel like the whole time that they're talking around you? I mean, a majority of the time I feel completely left out when in groups. Like they're all just hanging out around me, even if they're the person who invited me. Which is why I tend to clam up in groups... I just think that when I'm around them, they don't care about my input or comments. Unless they talk directly toward me.
Though, I think the only exception to this is if I'm with only two or something other people. Or if I'm with people whom I'm extremely close to (which is like no one lol).
 
just wanna b normal

just wanna b normal

Well-known member
i know exactly how you feel just came from my nephews birthday party & there where lots of people there adults teenagers i wanted to socialize with them but dont know how or what to say. & i was nervous self conscious thinking negatively. i just dont know how to act in social situations! GOD i hate this! i missed out on alot opportunities cuzz there was some cute girls there or i could got to know some people & make friends! see i get lots of opportunities but the problem is myself im my own worst enemy!
 
HeadFace

HeadFace

Well-known member
just wanna b normal said:
i know exactly how you feel just came from my nephews birthday party & there where lots of people there adults teenagers i wanted to socialize with them but dont know how or what to say. & i was nervous self conscious thinking negatively. i just dont know how to act in social situations! GOD i hate this! i missed out on alot opportunities cuzz there was some cute girls there or i could got to know some people & make friends! see i get lots of opportunities but the problem is myself im my own worst enemy!
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Ah, yeah... I know what you mean. I always talk **** to myself, when I'm being quiet. But I've been to nervous to talk, too. Like I start thinking "what if it's not funny?" Or "what if they dont care?" and stuff like that. But when it's one on one, I feel a lot calmer. And just talk about anything.
For example, Friday (a couple days ago), I was hanging out with a friend, and some of her friends. Originally it was just me and another friend who wanted to meet me. But then it was me, my friend, and two other people.
Even in that situation I felt completely nervous and awkward. I didnt even know what to say. But whenever I was just with one of them it wasnt really quiet.
And then when they all left except one of them, it wasnt akward or quiet at all, we talked for a good hour or so.
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I know exactly what you mean. I'm the same way in groups, even worse when it's a group of people I don't know. I always hold back what a want to say because I end up thinking things like "What if they make fun of me for saying that?". Usually I end up not saying a word, then I feel stupid for just sitting there not saying anything while everyone else is talking :p It's weird because I'm much more calm if it's just me and one other person. I still feel anxious, but not nearly as bad.
 
JamesSmith

JamesSmith

Well-known member
HeadFace said:
I'm not sure if it's just me... But when you're in a group, do you ever feel like the whole time that they're talking around you? I mean, a majority of the time I feel completely left out when in groups. Like they're all just hanging out around me, even if they're the person who invited me. Which is why I tend to clam up in groups... I just think that when I'm around them, they don't care about my input or comments. Unless they talk directly toward me.
Though, I think the only exception to this is if I'm with only two or something other people. Or if I'm with people whom I'm extremely close to (which is like no one lol).
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Most people on this site have this happen to them when they are in groups. You aren't imagining anything. I've had a bunch of experience in groups, mainly friends where this happened to me. I believe the reason they don't talk to us is mainly because it is hard to talk to us. Why talk to us when they have people that are easier to talk to around them. People that are alike, meaning people that are outgoing are going to tend to talk to eachother, that's the way life works. If it makes you feel any better, a man named Albert Einstein was terrible at social situations and communicating with people. And he was one of the smartest people ever.

It's interesting you brought this topic up. The thing i hate most about hanging out with people is exactly that: most of the time it's me sitting there listening as people chat around me. It's just one never-ending conversation that is usually lame and pointless. I think many people are egotistical, they talk about every single thing that happened to them that day, yet they are rewarded for talking by others just because they are merely talking. I've found that it doesn't matter what kind of person you are if you are very shy, because as long as you don't talk, even the arrogant, self-centered prick of the group will get more attention than you and will get talked to more. All the strong qualities we were told to have as children don't really matter much with our social lives: being humble, being respectful, listening, not saying mean things, these things don't matter much. It turns out, you just have to like to talk to enjoy being around people.
 
SonicMan

SonicMan

Well-known member
HeadFace said:
I'm not sure if it's just me... But when you're in a group, do you ever feel like the whole time that they're talking around you? I mean, a majority of the time I feel completely left out when in groups. Like they're all just hanging out around me, even if they're the person who invited me. Which is why I tend to clam up in groups... I just think that when I'm around them, they don't care about my input or comments. Unless they talk directly toward me.
Though, I think the only exception to this is if I'm with only two or something other people. Or if I'm with people whom I'm extremely close to (which is like no one lol).
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Exactly. I feel the same.
 
Richey

Richey

Well-known member
Yes this happens to me everyday at lunch and its actually kind of odd. SO there might be 3 people who are a clique, they hang out tohether alot they sit down and suddenly they are different and use inside jokes that i have no idea what they are refering to, they tend to become wittier then usual as if they are switching on the group charm ...it sort of baffles me in a way, to be honest the really chatty girls tend to trigger this from my experience anyway ...they will come in with something gossipy and funny and then everyone will join in ...its not something i am used to at all but it annoys me when everyone talks around me but to be honest i am getting used to it alot. there are times when i join in but people dont react all that well so i think it depends on the types of people.

to be honest i usually have no idea what they are on about which merely proves we either dont have alot in common or i am just out of the loop in terms of gossip and the humour they are using.
 
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HeadFace

HeadFace

Well-known member
Hey everyone, I've been neglecting this forum quite a lot recently - so, sorry about that.
Richey said:
Yes this happens to me everyday at lunch and its actually kind of odd. SO there might be 3 people who are a clique, they hang out tohether alot they sit down and suddenly they are different and use inside jokes that i have no idea what they are refering to, they tend to become wittier then usual as if they are switching on the group charm ...it sort of baffles me in a way, to be honest the really chatty girls tend to trigger this from my experience anyway ...they will come in with something gossipy and funny and then everyone will join in ...its not something i am used to at all but it annoys me when everyone talks around me but to be honest i am getting used to it alot. there are times when i join in but people dont react all that well so i think it depends on the types of people.

to be honest i usually have no idea what they are on about which merely proves we either dont have alot in common or i am just out of the loop in terms of gossip and the humour they are using.
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To be honest this is how I feel most of the time when I'm with a group (bold).

And as for your other point, I can relate to that. It's like I'm talking to a really good friend, then when another person walks over I completely clam up no matter what the conversation was. I'll just stand there awkwardly, wondering if I should ever come into the conversation, or just wait till they leave.

JamesSmith said:
Most people on this site have this happen to them when they are in groups. You aren't imagining anything. I've had a bunch of experience in groups, mainly friends where this happened to me. I believe the reason they don't talk to us is mainly because it is hard to talk to us. Why talk to us when they have people that are easier to talk to around them. People that are alike, meaning people that are outgoing are going to tend to talk to eachother, that's the way life works. If it makes you feel any better, a man named Albert Einstein was terrible at social situations and communicating with people. And he was one of the smartest people ever.

It's interesting you brought this topic up. The thing i hate most about hanging out with people is exactly that: most of the time it's me sitting there listening as people chat around me. It's just one never-ending conversation that is usually lame and pointless. I think many people are egotistical, they talk about every single thing that happened to them that day, yet they are rewarded for talking by others just because they are merely talking. I've found that it doesn't matter what kind of person you are if you are very shy, because as long as you don't talk, even the arrogant, self-centered prick of the group will get more attention than you and will get talked to more. All the strong qualities we were told to have as children don't really matter much with our social lives: being humble, being respectful, listening, not saying mean things, these things don't matter much. It turns out, you just have to like to talk to enjoy being around people.
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Ah man, I have thought that plenty of times. I mean, why would you want to spark a conversation with some awkward guy who doesnt get out enought instead of some other social butterfly?

And yup. I hate it when I'm in a group like that. I expect it to be me and another friend or two, then when I get there it's about 7 other people. I just try to be around the friend that I'm closest to - though that doesnt work enough. But yes, I think I've noticed that to. It doesn't matter if the other person is talking about something completely crappy and boring - as long as youre shy you'll probably barely get spoken to the whole time you're with the group.

Phoenixx said:
I know exactly what you mean. I'm the same way in groups, even worse when it's a group of people I don't know. I always hold back what a want to say because I end up thinking things like "What if they make fun of me for saying that?". Usually I end up not saying a word, then I feel stupid for just sitting there not saying anything while everyone else is talking :p It's weird because I'm much more calm if it's just me and one other person. I still feel anxious, but not nearly as bad.
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I can identify with you. 1 on 1 conversations are never completely awkward for me. I'm always bound to spark some sort of conversation no matter who it's with (even if it is a short-lived conversation). And when in groups I'll just sit there thinking or listening to everyone else chat up a storm.
 
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