Neighbour troubles

Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum, and I joined just because I am desperate for help in this situation.

I have lived in my house for 10 years now, and my next door neighbour has become increasingly worse in that time. It started out that I'd go out and work on my garden, and she'd make little back handed remarks... and ask when I was going to fix something on my house. It kind of bothered me, but I just smiled and took it. She became increasingly bossy, and nosey, to the point where I just fear going outside because I could bump into her.

Whenever someone would come to my house she would stop them out front and tell them all of the "bad" things I had been doing.. such as sleeping until 11 am, and buying pizza for dinner the night before. (I was working nights at the time). She told my aunt that if I didn't answer the door she could show her how to get in my back door.

All of this really got to me, but I just let it go to keep the peace.

Well now things are just awful. I have become so afraid of being confronted by her that I do not take good care of my property anymore, and she calls the city on me every chance she gets. I was outside today trying to clean up, and when I came inside I heard her from my window calling me a "Messy damn person". What she doesn't understand is she is the one creating the situation by constantly harassing me, and being so confrontational about things that I do anything to avoid her.

I do not know what to do, and I am so afraid she is going to call the city on me again. I feel so depressed whenever she talks badly about me, and/or confronts people coming to visit me about how awful I am. It makes me feel horrible, which causes me to develop worse symptoms. What can I do??? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Can't you report her or something? She has no rights to do all of those things, she's just a neighbour, not even a relative. Even if she was a relative she still has no rights to act that way.

I wish I could figure out something she is guilty of, but she isn't breaking the law as far as I know. We tried telling the guy from the city what she is like, and his answer was just clean it up and she'll leave you alone... but she doesn't, and it is never good enough for her standards.

maytiger said:

I wish I could figure out something she is guilty of, but she isn't breaking the law as far as I know. We tried telling the guy from the city what she is like, and his answer was just clean it up and she'll leave you alone... but she doesn't, and it is never good enough for her standards.

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Well... she's guilty of bothering you all the time, isn't that enough? I don't think it's legal to do that to your neighbours. She's being a sicko.

maytiger said:

I wish I could figure out something she is guilty of, but she isn't breaking the law as far as I know. We tried telling the guy from the city what she is like, and his answer was just clean it up and she'll leave you alone... but she doesn't, and it is never good enough for her standards.

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Is the housing your in rented or anything?If it is it might be worth going to the housing association which owns it.You might have to have some sort of proof before they take you seriously though.::

I don't normally advise people to be horrible to other people,but this person is just a bully.They feed off putting other people down.I know it's hard to do when you are not confident in yourself..but you need to just tell her to mind her own business. Ridicule her like she done to you and see how she feels.Just turn round to her and tell her to piss off,and ask if she really is that sad that she has nothing better to do than pretty much stalk you.Tell her you don't swing that way,because no normal person would show this amount of interest in someone else for no reason.

If she is bugging your friends who come to visit,ask one of your friends when they get approached,to say something like "Oh you must be that crazy lady so and so told me about,who has nothing better to do than approach random strangers trying to gossip like an old lady"

I know that all sounds a bit petty and childish and I guess it is,but I don't think this person is the type who is prepared to be mature.

How about a fence?

In all seriousness, 'keeping the peace' isn't a viable solution. If listening to her whine makes you feel terrible, why not confront her? I agree with Dan - it doesn't sound like she's going to be mature about it - but otherwise she's not going to back down. It's time to stand up and fight.

You have to be assertive in this. This is your home you're talking about. If you can't feel safe there where can you?

From the sound of it this lady is beyond talking to. As said before she is nothing more then a bully. She also seems to be bordering on being a stalker. How does she know things like what time you wake up and even more frighting how does she know how to gain entree to your house through the back door? I'm guessing she either watched you as you went in that door and noticed some trick to get in or she went over to the door herself when you weren't around and figured a way in. Either way it's not something to take lightly.

As said before it's best to stand up to her, but in subtle ways. She has alot of experience staying just on the right side of the law. She also has no problems at all calling the police for any issue. Going toe-to-toe with her would not be the best course of action. But ignoring her is not an option at this point.

If you feel that you cant talk to her face to face i would write her a polite letter explaining how she is making you feel and ask her nicely to stop if that doesn't work then i would call the police and tell them that she is harassing you and you feel unsafe in your own home because she has told someone how to get in your back door which would mean she has done that at some point, even if they don't take it any further they may go next door and have a talk with her which might shut her up.
Also tell your visitors to say to her that its none of her business if she starts to tell them stuff.

She just sounds like an old woman who has nothing better to do than be in everyone elses business. She's probably bored and lonely. I wouldn't think anything of her. If the worst she can tell others is that you order pizza and sleep in late then you've got nothing to worry about. I'm sure they know what the woman is like. By the sounds of it she's a little off her rocker. Keep your yard clean and give her the cold shoulder next time she complains to you. Or, even try to talk to her. Ask her about her life...She might like that. Maybe the only reason she's pestering you is because it gives her some excitement?

i agree with sara on writing her a friendly letter. if that fails and she responds aggressively you should file a police report. it may sound extreme but her misconduct should be documented. can you get her on video harrassing you? thats solid evidence there as well...stories like this make me grateful for the neighbors i do have...theyre not the best but still..

Drivemycar said:

She just sounds like an old woman who has nothing better to do than be in everyone elses business. She's probably bored and lonely. I wouldn't think anything of her. If the worst she can tell others is that you order pizza and sleep in late then you've got nothing to worry about. I'm sure they know what the woman is like. By the sounds of it she's a little off her rocker. Keep your yard clean and give her the cold shoulder next time she complains to you. Or, even try to talk to her. Ask her about her life...She might like that. Maybe the only reason she's pestering you is because it gives her some excitement?

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That's what I was thinking, bored, lonely, attention seeking old lady who likes a bit of conflict. I'd probably just ignore her completely, or if she starts to talk just cheerfully say good morning and walk off. She probably want's an argument or to get a reaction out of you. I would try not to let her see that she is wearing you down this will take some power away from her.

hmmm its a tough one ... id probably say look do you mind im not poking my nose in your business am i , why dont you get a life and if you keep on i will report you to the police , she sounds like a right pain in the asse .... this may sound a little extream but couldnt you just move lol and what the hell is it to do with her what time you get up or what you eat jezzzzzzzz some people

What the hell? Your life is NONE of her business, whatsoever.

She does sound like a potential stalker.

Can you invest in a really tall fence?? One of those privacy ones?

fk the neighbours

Oh my gosh, you slept until 11am and ordered pizza for dinner??!! I'm calling the authorities.

Maybe you could check for some sort of mediation/ conflict resolution service? Police or local council may offer avenues for resolving problems like this. It sounds like she has nothing better to do than stick her nose in your business. Unfortunately that is unlikely to change but the last thing you want is to escalate the situation. If she has no hesitation in showing people how to get into your home then she obviously has no respect for boundaries.