Deleted.

FollowMe

Active member
You've stated that you always feel left out. You also mentioned that most of the time you have no idea how to jump into the conversations.

I ask you to look further into the situation. Why do you feel left out? Why do you feel that you have no idea how to jump into the conversations? Do you think that your input doesn't matter or do you have nothing to say?
 
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laure15

Well-known member
Yeah, I have this problem too. I'm good at asking people questions and responding to people's questions. But when it comes to commenting on people's responses or making jokes, I suck at that. Sometimes I wonder how people can think and talk so fast, as if they just blurt everything from their heads without reflecting on it first.
 

FollowMe

Active member
Do you guys really think you're too slow to say something?

The answer to one of the main questions in this thread has already been pointed out, ironically, by someone who is confused about the same question.

"as if they just blurt everything from their heads without reflecting on it first"

This is the difference. If you don't mind me generalizing, you guys reflect too much for conversation. It's not that you think too slowly, you just reflect too much. Either learn to reflect quicker (this can be accomplished) or learn to reflect less. That simple. Don't worry.
 

FollowMe

Active member
In my experience if I don't think things through I tend to offend people by mistake

Can you think of an example of this? Do you think that maybe this has happened a few times and that those few times have stopped you from saying things altogether? I would love to see you in action in a chatroom if you ever want to set that up. I don't know where chatrooms are located or anything like that, but if you're up to it and aren't embarrassed by my proposition, I would really like to see you in action. I could comment and critique Logically afterwards.

If you have good thoughts and intentions in your head, your words will reflect those intentions (generally).
 

laure15

Well-known member
Do you guys really think you're too slow to say something?

The answer to one of the main questions in this thread has already been pointed out, ironically, by someone who is confused about the same question.

"as if they just blurt everything from their heads without reflecting on it first"

This is the difference. If you don't mind me generalizing, you guys reflect too much for conversation. It's not that you think too slowly, you just reflect too much. Either learn to reflect quicker (this can be accomplished) or learn to reflect less. That simple. Don't worry.

I think it's more complicated than this. I used be in a class where discussions are held frequently. During the discussions, there would usually be 1-3 people who dominated the discussion and kept on talking. And when they're done talking, another person would butt in. It's hard to contribute to discussions when these people kept dominating. Not to mention the social anxiety holds you back. It's like a race; when there are people who can think and speak faster (and more eloquently) than you, you get left behind.

It's also hard to contribute to discussions that don't interest you. I personally don't keep up with sports so when people talk about this, I have nothing to say.
 

FollowMe

Active member
I think it's more complicated than this. I used be in a class where discussions are held frequently. During the discussions, there would usually be 1-3 people who dominated the discussion and kept on talking. And when they're done talking, another person would butt in. It's hard to contribute to discussions when these people kept dominating. Not to mention the social anxiety holds you back. It's like a race; when there are people who can think and speak faster (and more eloquently) than you, you get left behind.

It's also hard to contribute to discussions that don't interest you. I personally don't keep up with sports so when people talk about this, I have nothing to say.

I think it'd be difficult for most people in that classroom situation. It's always difficult to out-talk people who are talking constantly. Not only that, it's also difficult to formulate ideas of your own when you're trying to concentrate on multiple other ideas. Even so, that shouldn't keep you from talking in normal, every day conversations. From what I have noticed, when two people are speaking quickly to one another, they generally aren't revealing the greatest insights in the world. They aren't trying out for the "intellectual conversation trophy", if you will. Nevertheless, it does take practice to talk in conversations. You can't be afraid to try and hone your conversational skills; you have to start somewhere or else you will get nowhere.

As to having nothing to say to people who talk about sports. If you really felt it was worth the conversation then I imagine you would learn a little more about sports. You have decided in your head that you would rather not talk about sports than have to learn about sports. This is a choice you made. The good conversationalist will either have the information beforehand or will learn to steer the conversation in another direction. As for people, groups of people, who tend to only talk about sports... That's just the worst. Try to find people who don't always talk about sports.
 

FollowMe

Active member
I'm the same way. I feel like I can open up more when it's just one other person.

I sympathize with this. In groups I find that people tend to judge more harshly or think more shallowly because they're looking for laughs and approval. In groups people also tend to steer the conversation in such a way that most of the group can be involved. In a private conversation you don't have to bend the conversation in so many directions. You can feel free to share more direct, personal experiences and thoughts without having to adhere to the preferences of more than one person. You can't be judged harshly in that instant because it's only you and that one other person.

Being alone is when the best conversations happen. ;) haha

What do you want me to say? "I am in the chats right now?" Because by the time I say that you might log out or I will log out.

Sent you a PM on the subject!
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Offline, yeah, I feel too nervous to talk and participate. Just too uncomfortable. Online, if I'm interested I'll join in....if not, I won't (no big deal)
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
You are welcomed to say it is because people over the internet are not my friends. But when I go to a chatroom I always feel left out. When I sit in a crowd of people I feel left out. Most of the time I have no idea how to jump into the conversations. Another odd thing is most people seem to talk about topics that I have little or no interest in. Mainly because they are events that I haven't had the opportunity to be apart of. Or if it is something like sports, I am not good at them anyways. I don't think there is much I can do about it. I just wanted to write this to get it off my chest!

I've read your posts here on SPW. You seem like a pro at jumping in topics and explaining your point of view. It's a little more difficult (as you stated) when the topic is something you have no interest in. I guess the best approach is to wait for an opportunity to hijack the conversation and steer it in a direction you know a lot about.
 
...you guys reflect too much for conversation. It's not that you think too slowly, you just reflect too much. Either learn to reflect quicker (this can be accomplished) or learn to reflect less. That simple. Don't worry
Unless you've got Aspergers: "Speed and quality of social processing - Because they respond through reasoning and not intuition, AS individuals tend to process social information more slowly than the norm, leading to uncomfortable pauses or delays in response"
 

laure15

Well-known member
^This. I think I probably have asperger's, though wasn't officially diagnosed. There were times when people called me "slow" for being slow to respond to their questions. Now that I think about it, it does take some time for my brain to process social info.
 
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