I just want a diagnosis of something!

tooshytosay

Well-known member
Sigh, I don't know.

I don't think I really have SA - I don't really feel classical "anxiety" as such, I feel like I just lack social skills, and any anxiety just stems from my past bad experiences due to bad social skills.

I've thought about Asperger's - whilst the social awkwardness part fits me, the other parts don't. I don't obsess over anything as such, I know what facial expressions mean, I have empathy.... well yes I know all these in theory, but in practice I'm just so... shy.

Have you heard of Avoidant Personality Disorder? (AvPD). Well this seemed to describe me quite well, but then again not many people seem to have this diagnosis - far less than SA / Aspergers. So I'm not sure, it seems to be quite an obscure diagnosis.

It's funny. I actually WANT a label to describe who I am, whereas many people seem to be like "hey, don't label me". It's just that I feel too different and out-of-sync with this world. Like I'm inhuman. So I just want a label to explain why I'm so different. Something that'll make me go "ahhhh... that explains everything". I'm getting sick of being so "unique", not fitting into this or that.

Yet paradoxically, I'm afraid of actually going to see a Dr / psychologist etc. I'm afraid that they'll diagnose me with nothing at all (that I am indeed just an "oddball"), or that they won't truly "get" me/understand me, so diagnose me with something wrong / not-quite-right. So yeah, I'm at an ambivalence here, I want a diagnosis, yet I am afraid to actually go and ask for one. :confused:
 

Felgen

Well-known member
Do you want a label because you need help or do you just want a label to feel special? You confuse the two terms empathy and sympathy; as a person with Asperger's, I can feel compassion, love, sorrow and all that, but I can't put myself in other people's shoes and see things from their perspective. Lack of social skills and lack of empathy are two sides of the same coin.

I understand that when a person smiles, he or she is happy. On the other hand, I have problems with more complicated expressions.

If you do not meet some of the criterias of Asperger's syndrome, do a little research on PDD-NOS. It's a far more common disorder and a lot of people with social anxiety would probably fall somewhere on the autistic spectrum.
 

DanFC

Well-known member
Wouldn't the best thing be then to visit multiple psychologists and psychiatrists, maybe even each with different backgrounds?

And since I haven't been to a professional myself (but for different reasons), someone else could answer this part better, but I at least closely know one psychiatrist, and I know that even if someone was not formally "diagnosed" with something, he would still help the person with whatever their problem is, as long as it has cognitive roots.
 
I understand how you feel, you just don't want to be considered a weirdo or whatever, you rather it be a medical diagnosis so then you can begin treating it eventually, and also so you can find support.
Its possible it may not be S.A. but you could be shy..which can lead to S.A. Basically if you think its a problem then it is. Or you could even be a loner or introvert, these aren't mental illnesses but if you think their a problem and you want to be more outgoing etc, then maybe talk to someone to work on your confidence and social skills.
I have AvPD, basically I put up walls and make it hard for others to get to know me, not really intentionally but I can't help it, also I avoid making new friends. If you do these things then you could have AvPD.
 

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
Yeah, you sound kind of like me. I don't really feel the "classic anxiety" symptoms either. I don't get uptight and panicky. It's more that I get really nervous and maybe anxious isn't quite the right word for it, or I just feel very uncomfortable and out of place in a lot of situations. But it's all the same triggers. The things that most people have no problem with. Sure, these things aren't causing me panic attacks, but they're causing me distress and causing me to avoid them anyway. As I read more and more into things, I realize how much I can relate. But sometimes I wonder if maybe it's not as bad as I think it is. And I worry that if I go to a doctor they might decide that no, in fact, it is not social anxiety. Then what? I find out I'm just painfully shy, but it's not a "disorder" so it isn't a problem? That's no good. I don't know if I really want a label though. I don't want to end up using it as an excuse. It's an explanation anyway, but they aren't the same thing. I might be trying to explain, but since most people wouldn't get it anyway, they'd just see it as an excuse or a crutch. An excuse to be lazy or an excuse to be miserable. I just think it's more of an explanation. But for now, all I need is just to know there are people who understand. That's good enough.
 

dottie

Well-known member
I don't understand. You say you experience distress but not anxiety. What's the difference?
 

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
I don't understand. You say you experience distress but not anxiety. What's the difference?

I don't even know. I guess I just mean a lot of things make me uncomfortable and I avoid them because I just don't want to deal with them. And then I feel like crap for it and end up getting depressed. But I'm not exactly on edge and unable to breathe either.
 
I don't even know. I guess I just mean a lot of things make me uncomfortable and I avoid them because I just don't want to deal with them. And then I feel like crap for it and end up getting depressed. But I'm not exactly on edge and unable to breathe either.

I'm the same way. I've never had panic attacks or anything close, but dealing with certain situations is just so uncomfortable that I've always instinctively avoided them. My problem is more about forming relationships than "performing" in certain situations, although there are some that make me a bit nervous. I'm pretty sure AvPD fits me to a T, even more than SA. I feel like I've never learned how to get comfortable with getting close to people, talk about my feelings, and open up in general. My walls are so thick, I don't have any close friends, and I would venture to say that the ones I thought I was close to in the past still weren't all that close, it was more about me listening to their problems and just joking around- I don't think anyone's really gotten to know the "real" me. I think I'm afraid that I'm just too different, or that I actually am inferior to everyone else.
 

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
I'm the same way. I've never had panic attacks or anything close, but dealing with certain situations is just so uncomfortable that I've always instinctively avoided them. My problem is more about forming relationships than "performing" in certain situations, although there are some that make me a bit nervous. I'm pretty sure AvPD fits me to a T, even more than SA. I feel like I've never learned how to get comfortable with getting close to people, talk about my feelings, and open up in general. My walls are so thick, I don't have any close friends, and I would venture to say that the ones I thought I was close to in the past still weren't all that close, it was more about me listening to their problems and just joking around- I don't think anyone's really gotten to know the "real" me. I think I'm afraid that I'm just too different, or that I actually am inferior to everyone else.

Yes. That's pretty much how it is for me. I haven't looked into AvPD as much though. I never let people get close to me and I feel like nobody really knows me. There's so much about me that most people just wouldn't get anyway. So I keep everything bottled up. I don't like to let people see me being emotional. I cry when I'm alone. I don't get overly happy but I wouldn't want to be seen that way either. Oh but the anger shows. Sometimes I just explode and get bitchy and violent. And then people just think I'm moody and need to grow up. I've never really had any close friends. Yes I've had some good friends and most have come and gone, but there's really no one that I've been super close with. I never had the sort of cliche best friend who I did everything with and could talk to about anything. I've only had one boyfriend and I wasn't that close with him either. I guess I thought I was, but looking back, I really wasn't at all.
 
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