I graduated two weeks ago with an engineering degree! But..

now I am very lonely...the loneliest I've ever felt actually.

Every day since finishing exams, all I do is wake up, cook breakfast, watch some TV shows in bed, occasionally going to the gym in the building, then taking the car for a short spin.

No one has asked about me since we finished, not even my roommate, who moved out. I have already, as always, faded from everyone's memory...and it absolutely crushes me. I mean nothing to anyone...

At night (around this time), I get depressed....I see people partying and having fun and I realize, because of the isolation I've been in, I can't even have that fun if I were in there shoes. I am incapable of being part of that social dynamic.

I'm honestly tired of feeling sorry for myself, but when you spend as much time as me alone, doing nothing, that's all you can think of....I want a way out...I want to feel accepted by society...

before you can be accepted by society you have to be accepted by yourself. start doing things by yourself, enjoying it, and being grateful for what you have. seriously? there are starving people in the world, disfigured people. be grateful for what you have.

Its a little normal after such a big thing like graduating. Dont worry.

Dottie is right. You cant be accepted by society until you first accept yourself - better or for worse, good and the bad. But that takes some work. I did what you did for more than a while and am getting out of it. For almost 3 years after some bad stuff in my life I just yeah... but it's a CHOICE too...

A way out is putting yourself out... accept yourself. Doesnt mean you like what you accept at that point. I accepted I was older, not at all where I wanted to be, put off graduating for my fears, avoided many opportunities, squandered things due to SA and thoughts BUT that was the past, I need to live in the NOW - at a certain point its an excuse. REAL feelings, REAL suffering, biological things going on YES but...

I wasn't doing what was necessary. To REALLY fight it, take ACTION - RISK myself... and get help I needed. Most importantly I accepted I just that, that I NEEDED/NEED help; cant completely do it on my own and this is a PROCESS. And it will be hard and scary to go through. But there's light at the end of every tunnel, even the longest.

You can too; it feels hopeless like out of our control but thinking "I cant" and "ill never" is catastrophic thinking. You CAN. It can be in control.

It's so easy to get complacent with our misery - it becomes our only familiarity. It doesn't make logical sense but sort of does; it's nature to seek routine; familiarity whether it's good or bad we never like change even if its change we want. I accepted how screwed I up with that paradoxical thinking and my actions... ergo needing help lol.

Right now I am struggling with ups and downs, I still get into these troughs of depression and self doubt and pity and so easy to get stuck down there; esp as I near my own graduation. I know it's been hard, will be hard, and not always fun but I am determined change wont fall on your lap you gotta go out and get it. Just got to set yourself on the path and do it. =)

When I graduated in 1998 (Cybernetics), I was determined to get out & earn some money. I left home and all my kit there, for my friends, and they had a bit more space.

I was sucked up by a graduate scheme. It was all just as exciting as life was when I started my degree. I hated office life immediately. As with anyone, I did not give up. I had to get used to it, and not bother about the side-effects. I expected all my school & university environments would be just the same as this, but it took me several years to realise that life will never be as good as before. While alone, and apart from the social events I loved, it gets worse. If you don't do something about it now, it gets worse, faster.

Other people went in different directions. My best mate on the course decided not to work, while I grabbed hold of my opportunity. He spend the next 10 years not working, living in squats, and travelling with bunches of others, partying in trucks, across Europe - the equivalent of squatting, in a truck... pikey? gypsy?

In the last 2 years, he started a new degree. I was determined to make money. It's not going well. My best job was delivering Domino's Pizza on a moped, while I was a student.

Life = luck + effort. This has been my motto for 10 years. Luck is everything. Some effort is needed. Keep it above 0.

Right now, this is your time. From what I know, you'll have a good life, if luck comes your way - a break... someone else gives you something. Right now, make more effort than you've ever made or ever will have to again, ever again.

DO IT NOW!! You have to

zav943 said:

No one has asked about me since we finished, not even my roommate, who moved out. I have already, as always, faded from everyone's memory...and it absolutely crushes me. I mean nothing to anyone...

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Have YOU asked about them?

What I mean by asking this, is that a lot of people here expect people to care about them, listen to them, ask them if they are fine, and if people don't do these things, they get depressed and conclude that nobody likes them. But this is not how the world works, for people to care about you, you need to care about them and show it, really, people care about those who makes them feel good and important. So if you are the cold and distant kind, people won't think you care, so they won't care back. If you don't show to people that you would like to keep contact, why would they assume you want to? It is a normal thing to lose sight on school friends when school is over.

I hope I didn't make you even more confuse with that last paragraph. Besides this, you have some very good advices in the other posts ::

Pacific_Loner said:

Have YOU asked about them?

What I mean by asking this, is that a lot of people here expect people to care about them, listen to them, ask them if they are fine, and if people don't do these things, they get depressed and conclude that nobody likes them. But this is not how the world works, for people to care about you, you need to care about them and show it, really, people care about those who makes them feel good and important. So if you are the cold and distant kind, people won't think you care, so they won't care back. If you don't show to people that you would like to keep contact, why would they assume you want to? It is a normal thing to lose sight on school friends when school is over....

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this is truly outstanding advice for all of us

thank you

Pacific_Loner said:

Have YOU asked about them?

What I mean by asking this, is that a lot of people here expect people to care about them, listen to them, ask them if they are fine, and if people don't do these things, they get depressed and conclude that nobody likes them. But this is not how the world works, for people to care about you, you need to care about them and show it, really, people care about those who makes them feel good and important. So if you are the cold and distant kind, people won't think you care, so they won't care back. If you don't show to people that you would like to keep contact, why would they assume you want to? It is a normal thing to lose sight on school friends when school is over.

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abso-freakin-lutely. very well said!