I Don't Fit In

Foxface

Well-known member
I'm trapped with a curse. A curse of misery. Everyday is the same, I rather die. It sucks, alL this time, you are hoping. You wait, like your building up a dream. Then one day, you realize, that was didn't exist In the first place.

You realize that eVerything you did was for nothing, a failure. I kept looking for a friend, someone who understands mE, someone with a good personality. Someone different from everyone else. Someone to make me happy. Someone with hove and happiness and wants to share it. The person in my dreams is only in my dreams.

All the pain and nights of crYing yourself to sleep was for nOthing. You can't fit in anywhere. YoU feel awkward all the time. Only time you feel normal, is in youR safe haven, away from everyone and everything.

There is nothing worse, then realizes years of waiting and hoping was for nothing. I see a girL who fits my type of personality, realize she judges me, and that doesn’t like me, even after just one look at me. I have no attractions, so I am nothIng. I thought there was love, I thought I did have a Future. I don't. I don't stand a chance with a girl, never have and never will. It's painful. When I see someone I like, it hurts. It bothers me. I know that I can never be with that person, and no doubt she already has a girlfriend. Most girls do, and they don't realize how lucky they are. I'd give anything to be thEm.

Everyday is the same. Even though I do different things everyday, it still feels the same. No one knows what it's like, everyday for me. No one has a clue, most don't even care. I guess that's all I have to say. If it's anything it's that. I hope someone can understand that, and maybe someday, someone would finally understand me.

Just someone misunderstood.

Bud "Aspie" Borden.
 

MNM322

Well-known member
Hey Bud

I feel ya. Really, I do. I like "marching to the beat of my own drum" in some ways... but in most ways, I feel like an outcast, even in my own family.

All my life I have wanted someone who really understood me and I could trust and be myself around... and people I end up "chummy" with, are just good with laughs but when it comes to me needing them, they are no where. Like today, was the second entire day I went with 0 phone calls or texts.

I met this AMAZING guy a few months ago and I thought my life was gonna change, finally, the kind of person I'd been dreaming of. we got along so well and he was so good to me and accepting. Then last week, I made a stupid error and a misunderstanding happened and now we are not talking. It kills me... because I am 30 years old and I am not kidding but its the only time my entire life I had that kind of connection with another person, now my heart feels so lost.

I am not sure what to do about it, I wanna try to fix it but I dont know how. I am just grateful for my dogs...or I may of killed myself years ago.

I am more than happy to talk to you ANYTIME about anything.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
It's very tough. Being a guy with SA is the worst. We have to deal with the whole gender role thing and it's easier for us to be seen as a loser.

I can relate to the nobody knows what it's like to be me thing. Yeah, I don't have any friends so the only people who know what it's like to be me are the women I date.

That's the way the world works though, if you aren't in a clique then the world just views us as invisible.

As MNM said, I'm here for you too.
 

Diend

Well-known member
If you don't kill yourself...you're gonna die anyway from old age. Cell-death. I know your feeling. "****ty" is a good adjective to describe it. "Pure ****tiness". Take a risk to solve your problem. Hey...just waiting for something to happen isn't really solving your problem...is it? I would say that a good friend would be someone who is also socially anxious. If neither of you are social butterflies, you'll be loyal to each other. You'll always hang out with each other! I'm sure there is somebody in your town who is also social phobic. Regardless of your background, if you're both willing to accept each other, the two of you will become best friends. Misery loves company. Good luck. Fight until the death?
 

gg1978

Member
hey, chin up things are not always as bad as they seem. I have social phobia and I only have a few friends and I only talk to one of them on a regular basis so I know what it feels like to want more friends. I've never been one of the 'in' crowd, I'm an outsider so if you want a friend here I am!!! xx
 

Daniel089

Well-known member
Try to think like this: be yourself & be proud of it, and sooner or later girls will start to like you. You just need to try and not give up. I just saw the movie "Remember me" it's a romantic one. It's message to me was the Gandhi quote that was mentioned in it: "Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it". Why? I realized that from the other part of the movie: because time is money, you don't have infinite time but your chances are limitless...
Anyway I'm like you, I lack of friends, yet what I desire the most is simply to love someone. I registered on a dating site and otherwise I decided to keep my eyes open for anything.
 

Foxface

Well-known member
If you don't kill yourself...you're gonna die anyway from old age. Cell-death. I know your feeling. "****ty" is a good adjective to describe it. "Pure ****tiness". Take a risk to solve your problem. Hey...just waiting for something to happen isn't really solving your problem...is it? I would say that a good friend would be someone who is also socially anxious. If neither of you are social butterflies, you'll be loyal to each other. You'll always hang out with each other! I'm sure there is somebody in your town who is also social phobic. Regardless of your background, if you're both willing to accept each other, the two of you will become best friends. Misery loves company. Good luck. Fight until the death?

I agree. It is most likely, that whoever is (place correct word here) with me, would have social anxiety. That way, they'll understand me better.

Thanks everyone else for your post.
 
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