How to make friends

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DaveJ

New member
How do you make friends?

I have never had luck making friends. I talk to a few people in my college classes, but I'm not close with any of them--we only talk about school things. And in most classes, I don't talk to anyone. I talk to a few people at work, but once again I'm not close with any of them--we only talk about work.

I have no idea how to move beyond this level or to meet people in other areas. It doesn't help that I'm a 31 year old undergrad and so I'm about 10 years older than everyone else in class. It also doesn't help that I live with my parents, although I could probably hide that fact for a time. I also dislike many foods, so eating out is problematic because at anything except a "generic" American restaurant I am unlikely to find anything I like.

I'm afraid that I'll seem weird in asking if we should hang out somewhere or boring if we were to hang out. I have no idea what we could do, and I'm afraid I'd stick out like a sore thumb.

So what works for you? Any advice?

Thanks,
Dave
 
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Joh

Joh

Well-known member
hi, i dont know my reply would helpful for you or not but let me share my personal exp about same matter.as time goes on i have learn too many things from life. mostly peoples attracts if you are BEAUTIFUL or WEALTHY .. but having good friend is also depends upon LUCK !
may be your experience and knowledge would greater than mine coz i am just 23 but believe me dont run behind any thing ! i believe Age does not matter in friendship.i have too many friends who are 10 to 20 years older than me.
dont expect anything from anyone just because may be they dont need friend or they dont have time to spend their time for friendship. as tips improve your behavior if you dont behave normally. improve your attitude and body language, be a good man and be polite with others.
i hope it will helpful...
 
Ms Cloud

Ms Cloud

Well-known member
Oh no, Dave! When I saw the title of this thread, "How to make friends", I thought it was going to be a set of instructions. I was all set to take notes.

I had a friend once, at college. Neither of us was interested in going to restaurants or clubs. We just walked around a lot, especially at night. Urban exploring, I guess. That's always fun.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
"MAKING friends" is a misnomer

you can't create a friendship

friendships develop as two people share their time and interests with one another

they are each as different and unique as the people involved

the key element is having common interests

so join clubs or go to meetings, seminars, talks, etc, about things that interest you - and you'll be likely to encounter other people with the same interests

strike up a conversation - you have something to talk about - it's the reason you're both there
 
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Dex Dorrey

Active member
Ms Cloud said:
Oh no, Dave! When I saw the title of this thread, "How to make friends", I thought it was going to be a set of instructions. I was all set to take notes.

I had a friend once, at college. Neither of us was interested in going to restaurants or clubs. We just walked around a lot, especially at night. Urban exploring, I guess. That's always fun.
Click to expand...

i know right! i was all excited like maybe this will actually help me....i really do need help, i only have 1 friend who i barely hang out with and i dont even really remember how we became friends
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
People seem to identify with other people who remind them of themselves, so if you put yourself in an environment where you have something in common, the chances are you will have something to talk about, and from there, a friendship may develop. It's a process that takes time.

There are lots of variables though, and its not as easy as it seems, especially for those with limited social skills.
 
M

Marlow

Member
Hey DaveJ,

Our lives are parallel, except add 2 years (I'm 33). I didn't start going to college till I was 30. Didn't really connect with the folks coming straight out of high school. I'm a picky eater as well which can be a major social obstacle since so many use eating together as a social activity.

If you have a hobby that others are into, you could try to find a group/club/whatever centered around that hobby. Or pick a new hobby, something that you've been interested in but haven't tried before and find a group or hangout where other folks interested in that hobby are. While focused on learning or doing something with others instead of thinking about potential friendships, the friendships may develop gradually/naturally without trying to make it happen. Like, for example, if you and a bunch of people are out on a Photowalk, or whatever photographers call it where a bunch of them stroll around an area snapping shots and chatting, you focus on the activity itself to get your mind off of trying to make friends and before you know it maybe a few of the people you meet end up contacting you again, inviting and including you in their plans for future photography/whatever events and then it goes from there.

Trying to connect with folks that are 10 years younger might be more trouble than it's worth in the long run.
 
Ms Cloud

Ms Cloud

Well-known member
coyote said:
not only that, but the more people you ask, the better your chances are

you have to play the numbers
Click to expand...
I agree... I think compatibility occurs randomly. You can't really engineer it; all you can do is improve your odds by doing more stuff and talking to more people. All those things that come naturally to outgoing people, and are hard work for nervous/shy people.
 
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mike876

Member
I dont have any friends myself. Maybe you should check out the book how to win friends and influence people by dale Carnegie. It might help.
 
Necrucifer

Necrucifer

Well-known member
Do you do any activites? If so try talking about that certain activity with other members since it interest the both of you. Do you have any places you go into town and hang out? Bars I guess can be a good place, there seems to be some people that go there by themselves can always start a conversation with them maybe?

Its more easier to go up to someone by themselves also than if they are in a group so if someone interests you that you would like to be friends with go up to them and introduce yourself when you find them alone, ask them what classes they take if they are not in the same class or what they are taking there classes for etc...

I admit I live at home to even though I am 10 years younger but it is embarassing and I can agree with that what would people think. I always lie though and say I had to move back and take care of my mom (she had half of one of her lungs removed) or that I got screwed on one of my jobs and had to move back home for a bit...I am not saying lie about it but if no one asks about it then just dont worry about it.

Do you know what they like or what they are into? have you heard them in on conversations with other people and hear something they may have liked? Say...video games or something. Go up to them one day and ask them if they heard about so and so coming out etc or that what kind of genre's do they enjoy most etc.

I hope some of this helps...I cant talk to a soul at all but I know how to start conversations its just I am afraid of people...I also tend to talk to girls easier but I think thats because I grew in a house with 3 sisters and my mom with just my dad whom I barely talk to for specific reasons I think I have a more feminime side...so I do not know hope that helps I cant even take my own advice though sadly haha...
 
Porto

Porto

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http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/33/How-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.jpg/200px-How-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.jpg
 
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