Has shyness ever made you turn down a woman who wanted you?

[italia2007]

Does anyone experience symptoms when they are in the presence of a girl they are really attracted to?

Not being able to look at her (in the eyes) when she speaks to you, getting red in the face, heart beats way too fast, the feeling that you need to flee cuz you are so self conscious

And if you KNOW she wants you too, do you still feel like you are NOT good enough and hide...you try to avoid her (we work together) and eventually TURN HER DOWN bcuz you don't want her to know the real you; shy, inexperienced with women, afraid of intimacy?

Knowing you are are truly infatuated with her and have to see her everyday but she thinks you are not interested now cuz when a friend surprisingly approached you about her...you just said "No...not interested!" because of fear she won't except the real you and low self esteem!!!!

Any and all replies will be appreciated thanks!

 

[Vancouver]

Dude, go get her back!! Just explain yourself to her, and I bet she'll listen and forgive you. Dude, she already likes you. She might think you don't even like her. You've got control over this one - just be yourself and don't let it slip through your fingers.

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

Unfortunately if thats was all there was to it He would n't be posting on this site and would of already done that.

I and many others on these site have had to listen to that well intention advise for all of our lives. "Just go and do It" we are told.

I and most of us Know what we should be doing like (standing up to the bullies) but when the time comes..........well I dont think I need to tell anyone on this site what usualy happens.

 

[flake__]

Well I'm female but i've done this quite a few times with a guy. It's so ridiculous! It's like shooting yourself in the foot! But i understand exactly why you're doing it.

All i can say is i regret letting him 'slip away', and if i had a second chance i wouldn't let it happen again! And i feel bad for hurting him--cos it's not just your feelings involved here! You are rejecting her aswell and she will see this as a personal reflection on her. You see her as superior to you but she does not see it this way.

If you let her go you will always think, what if... why didn't i just take the chance...

You have nothing to lose really. If you go out with her and your (remember irrational!) fears do come true and she dumps you, atleast you gave it a go. Something's always better than nothing.

 

[blackcap]

No, I've never had this problem. No woman's ever been interested in me!

 

[italia2007]

Its not that easy

God i wish it was that easy.

Its just not fun. I haven't been able to control my anxiety around her. I would get so scared and freak out when she was around to the point i'd have to leave the room, look away, pretend i was taking to someone else, find another exit/entrance so not walk by her, look out a window before speaking to her, etc.

Turning her down was terrible because the woman (coworker, nice lady) who approached me was like "You act differently around her, you don't treat her like the rest of us, you never give her crap about stuff and never tease or play jokes on her...are you sure you don't like her, she's such a pretty girl?"

All i could manage to say repeatedly is that I wasn't interested. When she didn't seem to believe me (i don't think even SHE does either) i started saying thinks like "Oh i am dating now" and "Nah..i can't i'm seeing people!" it was horrible! Than the woman came back and was like "Ok, well i told her what you said and she said than that would be it, she won't bring it up again and she will just forget about it and move on..." and that was on Wednesday.

Ever since then...she won't look at me AT ALL...i said "Good Morning" to her on Thursday & Friday and she couldn't look at me just kinda gave me a 'hey' with her head down and quickly walked passed me..practically running away. I looked her right in the eyes (not an easy thing for me b4 i was approached) and she just looked like she was going to die!!!!!She will probably try to avoid me all this week. Itried hanging out when i saw her but she seemed more annoyed by me than anything else.

I had heard rumors that she liked me for sometime...she told a few people i guess, i imagine she is shy in her own way and very conservative as well. She's obviously hurt now. I just don't know what i'm supposed to do. I can actually say 'hello' and 'Good Morning' to her NOW (lol) with ease even though she doesn't want me to obviously but i just can't seem to do much else. NO ONE knows how i feel about her, i don't do that sort of thing, apparently she tells people she likes me, at least she did! I think she hates me now.

What should i do?

 

[bandit]

over the last 3 years, shyness has made me turn down more than six beautiful girls who had a crush on me. I coundnt answer back when the spoke to me, i ignored them all the time to pretend that i wanst interested.
Every sunday, i see one of the girls who i turned down three yrs ago, i known she still likes me but i cant look her in the face, and if possible, i hide myslelf from her. I like her but I havent got the confidence or courage to approach her. last time, she said hi to me and i pretended i dint hear her.

ur not alone my friend... :lol:

 

[flake__]

you may go no!! but maybe try explaining your shyness to her? To whatever extent you want. Girls can be very understanding, especially if she likes you, and she will probably be very relieved that you actually like her and didn't reject her for the obvious reason

 

[italia2007]

I just wish i could approach her without feeling like i am going to pass out, looking at her is hard!!!!!

I can be "normal" around her when i am talking to somone else and she is there (i won't look at her unless she addresses me) or a group of people (i turn alittle to see her walk) and she comes in or is already in the room for whatever reason then i am great but as soon as her attention is turned towards me or she asks me for something (i do maintenance in the buiding) i am quick to help her out - immediately - but i just can't look at or talk to her anymore...i just go on ahead and do what she asked for as quick as i can...when i can handle being in her room that is.

That was pointed out to me as well..."Hey if you don't like her, than why do you jump to help her...the rest of us you make wait or give us a hard time about it!!!!"

Before the "talk" with the coworker she asked me to fix the intercom/door ringer outside her classroom, i said i would as soon as i got a chance and then the "talk" took place..but i still made sure when she got in the next day (she avoided me) thatthe intercom was fixed...she NEVER said thank you aftwerds! She ALWAYS says thank you when i fix things for her or replace supplies for her always!!!!!!! So....i knew then she was hurt!!

Of course my eye contact and comfort level has gotten better since i turned her down (go figure) but i read that its cuz the pressure is off me cuz she knows i am not interested...she thinks anyway and she is giving off the signals of not wanting to be bothered...she's withdrawing from me big time...and i know she likes me!

So i guess now i have some confidence but its not in the way t i wanted it, i do want confidence but not cuz she's hurt or mad at me.

I just don't know which way to go with this anymore...i created this :x

 

[recluse]

I've never had girls being attracted to me...Well not obviously attracted to me, but i seem to have this sign on me saying ''Keep away from me girls!'' because that what it feels like. I feel i have no charisma o'r good looks and body which would make girls be attracted to me. Oh well! Life sucks

 

[italia2007]

i ALWAYS have my gaurd up if i suspect the girl is interested, in this respect though, i liked wat i saw "physically" (with this girl) and i guess i gave that off cuz she started liking me, which i normally try to avoid.

 

[jayo]

This always happens to me.
Now just the fear of talking to the woman, but the fear of going for a coffee, talking about personal issues, previous partners (!), friends, social life and so on.

Then you'd have to meet her friends and try to explain that years of anxiety have left you an emotionally crippled wreck.

How difficult would all of that be?

 

[SocialRetahd]

I've never had girls being attracted to me...Well not obviously attracted to me, but i seem to have this sign on me saying ''Keep away from me girls!'' because that what it feels like. I feel i have no charisma o'r good looks and body which would make girls be attracted to me. Oh well! Life sucks

In america, girls are sluttier.

 

[steviegerrard489]

Re: Has shyness ever made you turn down a woman who wanted y

Does anyone experience symptoms when they are in the presence of a girl they are really attracted to?

Knowing you are are truly infatuated with her and have to see her everyday but she thinks you are not interested now cuz when a friend surprisingly approached you about her...you just said "No...not interested!" because of fear she won't except the real you and low self esteem!!!!

Any and all replies will be appreciated thanks!

Join the club mate, join the club! This has happened to me dozens of times. However, part of the reason nothing ever happens is because I lack self belief and assume that I must be imagining the girl's interest.

You are lucky that there are some people who can tell you that this girl is genuinely interested. When I have tried asking the friends of these girls I get nothing, no feedback at all, despite the fact I know that they talk about all the guys in the office (ie checking them out, saying which ones are hot/not etc)! Believe me, not being talked about is worse than being talked about.

The other day a girl in my office probed me for information as to whether I was interested in any of the women in the office. I'm not sure if she was trying to get info for the womens secret chats they have.

I think you need to find a moment to talk to this girl but don't mention anything that has gone before. Just go to the coffee machine when she does and make general chit-chat. Maybe you could go for a walk during your lunch break.

I'd concentrate on trying to be friends first. Easier said than done..

 

[SocialRetahd]

...

 

[steviegerrard489]

I've never had girls being attracted to me...Well not obviously attracted to me, but i seem to have this sign on me saying ''Keep away from me girls!'' because that what it feels like. I feel i have no charisma o'r good looks and body which would make girls be attracted to me. Oh well! Life sucks

Maybe you could start at the gym...

Perhaps look at the guys who get girls, wear clothes like they do (if you aren' t already).

Get a decent haircut? (again, I don't know you so this may not apply!)

I did these things about 7 or 8 years ago. It helped in the attractiveness stakes for sure...

Unfortunately, I'm still struggling to find any charisma!!

 

[recluse]

I've never had girls being attracted to me...Well not obviously attracted to me, but i seem to have this sign on me saying ''Keep away from me girls!'' because that what it feels like. I feel i have no charisma o'r good looks and body which would make girls be attracted to me. Oh well! Life sucks

In america, girls are sluttier.

You are generalizing there, i mean there are slutty girls wherether you go in the world.

 

[jamez]

No, I've never really turned down a girl except maybe one but I was really into her. But I've lost a lot of opportunities I guess in the past.

 

[AnxiousGuy]

Ho hum...this is my very first post today as I just registered here moments ago. I can relate to everyone on this thread except the guys who feel women aren't interested in you. Most times it can be difficult to read a girl's subtle messages. unless she tells you straight out..."Hey, leave me alone". How do you know she isn't interested in you unless you strike up a conversation.
But, thats why we're here cause the nervousness and all that stuff is just overwhelming. I know, believe me! I'm a very good looking man and yet everyone has this misconception that its a cakewalk for us guys. I've avoided beautiful girls I knew were interested in me but I just couldn't control the heart thumping nervousness. Gads! :x i've tried baby steps and try to come off as real smooth and then a tightness in my chest and the moment she senses my nervousness its a turn off for them cause then they feel awkward.
Yada, yada, yada. Whats a guy to do, right? I think you can get by with shyness around a girl if your still in grade school but society tells us that its the man's job to make the girl feel comfortable first and if you can't do that then you've got problems. I love women but they want to know their in the presence of a man who can control his emotions. this was long for a first post. I had to get this off my chest,
And of course, thats why we're all here, right! :wink:

 

[bella1968]

Did you just give up then? Didn't you ever want to talk to her, tell her the truth and let her be the judge? It might have made a difference AnxiousGuy