22 years old, I need serious help please.

BuffDoctor

New member
Hi guys. I just want to first start off by saying I'm glad I found a place here where I know there are other people like me. It really makes me feel good that I'm not the only one out there that has this problem. I recently decided that enough is enough and I want to fix my social phobia issues and I was wondering if you guys could really help me out with that?

I'm 22 years old. I recently graduated from college. I've had social anxiety since starting high school and it has gotten a lot worse since then. I'm not sure what happened because before I was always the most talkative person in class throughout elementary school and junior high. I had tons of friends and was generally well liked by all of my peers. Anyways something happened and I somehow became nervous around people in high school especially girls. Whenever I would have to do a presentation in front of the class I would dread it because I always felt that people were judging me. In college it came to the point where I was skipping class because I was paranoid about what others would think of me because I felt that I looked ugly. Sometimes when the professor would call on me to answer a question my voice would shake and I'd get really nervous if I was put on the spot. Just a few weeks back I was called in for jury duty. I got placed into a trial with about 20 other potential juror candidates. The judge went around and asked people to tell everybody else about themselves and their life. My heart started beating so fast as I became closer and closer to being picked. When I was picked I answered all the questions although my voice was still shaking. When I got it all over with I realized I felt a little better. I told myself it wasn't that bad and if I had a do-over to do it again I would be able to do it a lot better. Thinking back at this situation I realized how dumb it was of me to get so anxious at such a small event. But idk how to stop it because the anxiety attacks just come out of nowhere where my heart starts beating really fast and I can't think properly if I have to talk to people. I just want this to stop!!

When I meet somebody for the first time and especially if it's a girl I'm talking to and she's really attractive I get very anxious and nervous because I always feel like they're judging me. I always think that the other person is thinking like why is this person even talking to me. I just want these thoughts to get out of my head, because I know if they do I won't have these anxiety attacks. What should I do?

I always attributed my anxiety to me being a skinny ugly kid in high school. That's when I decided I wanted to change myself for the better because I couldn't handle it anymore. So i started lifting weights for the next 6 years and I got really good at it. Now sitting here as a college grad I have a really good body, people always tell me that. Whenever I go to the gym I'm easily the biggest and buffest guy at the gym and I know that because people look and tell me that. However, whenever I go out in public I always second guess myself and tell myself I'm still that same fat skinny guy from high school. I don't know how to get myself to get these negative thoughts out of my head. I really need your guys' help on this.

I don't want to take any prescription medicines because I honestly just don't believe that they are safe in the long term. I was wondering if any of you here have ever cured yourself of these anxiety attacks by some natural way?

Thanks for your advice guys!!! I really do appreciate it!
 

dallasthekid

Well-known member
hey dude welcome to the forum :) and yes this is a great place to meet and talk to people just like you.i have social anixety as well, and yes i do take medication which i think helps (i think). thats ok though if you do not want to take meds. maybe you can see a therapist and talk about his stuff? i hope things get better for you, if you need to talk to anyone you can hit me up.
 

savagewisdom

Well-known member
It may sound like a crock of sh*t but I recommend daily self-affirmations. I also find that meditation helps too. Just keep reminding yourself that you're worthwhile.
 

Luckylife

Well-known member
I suffered from Aspergers when I was younger - I still have to fight the body spasms (repetitive motor behavior) - and AvPD. What still affects me is if I have been isolated for a while I develop this self-loathing where whenever I look in the mirror something is wrong. I know not to do anything about it and if I look twice it is gone or different. When I spend time with someone this negativity goes. Not only that but when I am at a club I can have trouble with identifying people or their gender at times if they are wearing unisex clothing, again its the same thing.
What helps is accepting the confusion, having a drink or two and being affectionate to old friends. When I go to a bar the first thing I think is "I hope *C* or *E* aren't there" and its silly but I push on and if they are, make a point of greeting them and showing interest. The one thing an AvPD is good at is snap judgement about personality and they are usually right but it isn't constructive and doesn't allow time for change.
What I also do is Karaoke singing - sounds impossible I know but it gets you in the frame of mind to concentrate on the job at hand (communicating) and not what you look like to others. I sang in front of 150 people last week and for a few minutes you can honestly believe you are the most important person in the room.
 

Odo

Banned
I've noticed that sometimes things from the past get processed when you're not thinking about them and manifest later on. You've probably pushed them down or not dealt with them and so they've come bubbling back up to the surface, and it has nothing to do with how you look or how you are now and everything to do with unresolved issues.

If you want to deal with them you need to confront them and find out what's causing them.
 
Find out on your own what works and what doesn't. People will tell you what works, but that never helps because you don't know if that works unless you try it on your own and will likely dismiss it as is it beyond your comprehension.

With that said, I'll tell you what to do: Find out what happened that started your social anxiety (maybe many things.) Put yourself mentally in that situation - you notice that you'll feel anger sadness, fear, etc. Instead of being upset about what happened, see if you can laugh about it instead. For example, in middle school I had just started learning English and I was in gifted classes already and doing better than most students there, but I didn't know how to pronounce a lot of things. I was doing very well, until I had to spell something (got it right) but mispronounced one of the letters and one kid started laughing to humiliate me, the rest of the class laughed (this had never happened before, everyone was cool with my misprononciation). Anyways, I didn't understand what was happening and reacted poorly to it - I was mad and frightened (what had happened? why was this guy being a **** to me? why had everyone else laughed?) Now, I realize that that kid was just being jealous and insecure and that the rest of the class was laughing because it was a little funny and probably had sometime or other wanted to laugh but didn't out of respect (most people are respectful). So i find it hilarious that that kid was jealous of such a silly thing and understanding of the rest of the kids... so I'm cool with that situation, it no longer bothers me and I'm no longer triggered in similar situations. This is because I mentally went back to that situation, felt the terrible emotions and had a good laugh about it instead and it "washed" the uncomfortable emotions away. Do this with every situation that made you feel insecure or even bad "time-periods" that you had in your life. You'll notice that you experience less social anxiety.

I've noticed that sometimes things from the past get processed when you're not thinking about them and manifest later on. You've probably pushed them down or not dealt with them and so they've come bubbling back up to the surface, and it has nothing to do with how you look or how you are now and everything to do with unresolved issues.

If you want to deal with them you need to confront them and find out what's causing them.

Wow! Good advice Odo, didn't even notice your post! That's exactly what you have to do...
 
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Lavinialuna

Well-known member
I have chemical sensitivities and can't take antidepressants, so I have had to fiddle with non-prescription ways to cope. For me what helped the most is Vitamin D. I live in the Northern US so mine was low, but most of us have low D. It totally changed my outlook. Also make sure you are getting enough vitamin B (all of them) and iron. Magnesium is a must. If your diet isn't right, you can be deficient. I never would have believed deficiencies could make that much of a difference on my mental health unless I discovered it for myself.
yoga has been incredibly helpful. Not the really athletic kind, but a more gentle kind that helps you relax and get in touch with yourself. It brought me to levels of relaxation I didn't know I could reach.
I feel better when I don't eat processed foods, so I try to eat whole foods. I have sensitivities and that can mask it'self with symptoms that mimic anxiety.
I also have stomach problems like gerd with a hiatal hernia. I didn't put two and two together until recently but when my acid is up, so is my anxiety, and after I eat if my hiatal hernia is full it pushes against an artery that goes to your stomach and causes increased heart rate, which associated with anxiety. Check your physical symptoms and make sure that there isn't another cause for symptoms.
Since our gut is our second brain, be sure you have enough probiotics in your system. Eat sour kraut or kefir, or take supplements.
I have tried natural things like Valerian root with no good results.
Otherwise I just try to keep my life simple and not to stress myself by over stimulating myself.
I do take anti anxieties if really needed, I wouldn't be afraid to keep some in case of severe symptoms. Hope some of that helped!
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
I've just started Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, not with a therapist but with a book. It actually seems to help, which is surprising because nothing else ever did. I'm 49.
 

anthonykell

Member
Hi BuffDoctor,

Firstly, let me say you are way ahead of most in that you realize the issue and are actually determined to confront and solve it. Realize that this is a huge step in itself. Congratulations.

I actually went through similar stages in my life. I was very talkative and confident (even cocky) at school. Then, once I entered university the anxiety started. Now, thankfully, I have it more or less under control.

One thing that really helped me is this: other people feel the same when it comes to presentations, speaking in public and meeting new people. Everyone gets butterflies, feels worried, nervous or scared. We are no different! It's how we think we are perceived by others that is the difference. When we feel those butterflies or nerves, our brain says "people can see your scared and nervous." This causes a vicious cycle and causes you to feel more scared and shaky.

The thing you must start to do is control that thought process in the moment. Breathe deeply and think to yourself "everyone else has this feeling to: it's normal!"

This does take practice but it works. It won't change overnight, but just keep in mind that everyone has the same feelings you do but their way of dealing with them is slightly different.
 

R3K

Well-known member
I was wondering if any of you here have ever cured yourself of these anxiety attacks by some natural way?

there's no "cure," you can't think of it like a disease or disorder. it's kind of like a handicap that you have to adapt to and morph your life around. ultimately, if you keep at it, you'll forget it's even there (the anxiety,) and it'll be more or less "cured."

come up with your own techniques and strategies for dealing with the anxiety, or take advice from the ppl on these forums.

when I feel anxiety of any kind beginning to clench its icy hands around my throat i'll defer a portion of my consentration to identifying the source of it (maybe i'm apprehensive of a customer at work looking at me,) and i'll focus all my will power on overcoming it.

one small battle at a time, little by little.
 
I feel better when I don't eat processed foods, so I try to eat whole foods. I have sensitivities and that can mask it'self with symptoms that mimic anxiety. I also have stomach problems like gerd with a hiatal hernia. I didn't put two and two together until recently but when my acid is up, so is my anxiety, and after I eat if my hiatal hernia is full it pushes against an artery that goes to your stomach and causes increased heart rate, which associated with anxiety. Check your physical symptoms and make sure that there isn't another cause for symptoms. Otherwise I just try to keep my life simple and not to stress myself by over stimulating myself. I do take anti anxieties if really needed, I wouldn't be afraid to keep some in case of severe symptoms. Hope some of that helped!
Wow! All this stuff is similar to what i have. And i think you have helped me discover why i get chest pains. GERD and maybe a hiatal hernia. I have had chest pains for ages and it gets worse based on my weight. Hiatal hernia explains everything. Stress also makes it worse and i have recently started noticing it getting worse with anxiety. I know that the chest pain gets worse when i bend over and it also causes decreased blood flow to my extremities. Specifically my feet. I think it's time i get this checked out. Does any of this resonate with you? And what do you do to remedy the GERD and hiatal hernia?
 

TrueFreedom

New member
Hang in there. I used to suffer from social anxiety terribly. What helped me was sticking to whole foods, breathing techniques, meditation, and physical activity. Spirituality helped me quite a bit too. Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk about it more in detail. Good luck!
 

BuffDoctor

New member
Thank you so much for all the replies everybody! Since the time I started this thread I really began looking at therapies and ways over come this. I came across Dr. Thomas A Richards (Overcoming Social Anxiety) Tapes and I have been listening to them this past week. I'm going week by week with the tapes and I think as long as I stick with it, I can do this!

Everybody was right here when they said there is no magic pill or cure for this. The cure is changing the way we look and I am going to try doing just that! You guys will be seeing me on here a lot more now! A month ago I came across this board in desperation because I wanted a quick fix, I now know (after lots of research) that treating something like SAD takes time and I AM GOING TO PUT THAT TIME IN. Enough is enough. I'm tired of letting other people dictate how my life is played. It's time to do something!
 
Don't lump your entire self worth on your looks. A person is more than just looks. Because people often want to be accepted and attractive to others they put everything they are worth on their looks, and in turn give all the power to others. What you need to do is know that you are worth more than that and that you define who you are and what you are worth. This way no one can ever make you feel inferior or unattractive as a person. Realistically, attraction is measured in a number of ways, not just looks.
 
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