mind seems so crowded with thoughts

[cowboyup]

I can't think or even form a sentence that at the moment I feel like just keeping quiet and out of sight for a while.

Does that make sense to anyone?

I keep thinking about all the things I 'should of, would of, could of' done with my life - I'm going to be 43 soon and I'm just stuck - stuck in life. I don't know which way to turn to improve my life.

See, I am re-reading this post and I feel like I can't even form a sentence that makes sense.

maybe it's a mid life crisis combined with pms, rolled in a sugar filled scoop of perimenopause caught in a marshmallow center of adrenal fatigue.

awesome, now I'm hungry

 

[EitherOr]

I can't think or even form a sentence that at the moment I feel like just keeping quiet and out of sight for a while.

Does that make sense to anyone?

I keep thinking about all the things I 'should of, would of, could of' done with my life - I'm going to be 43 soon and I'm just stuck - stuck in life. I don't know which way to turn to improve my life.

See, I am re-reading this post and I feel like I can't even form a sentence that makes sense.

maybe it's a mid life crisis combined with pms, rolled in a sugar filled scoop of perimenopause caught in a marshmallow center of adrenal fatigue.

awesome, now I'm hungry

I get moments like that. I find they happen a lot more when I'm very stressed (almost like a panic blank) or when I'm depressed (mind's a blank state). In those states, finding a word, never mind an entire sentence, feels like an absurd task.

It sounds a bit like a mix of things, but then again, I often feel similarly and I'm 21. It could just be an existential moment--I get those rather often.

 

[cowboyup]

I get moments like that. I find they happen a lot more when I'm very stressed
It sounds a bit like a mix of things, but then again, I often feel similarly and I'm 21. It could just be an existential moment--I get those rather often.

I like to think it's more of an existential moment. When stress, worry, anxiety, etc. virtually take over ones' life, I think it'd be safe to assume age has nothing to do with what one is feeling.

whew! took me a bit to come up with that sentence

 

[Srijita52]

I get those moments too. Is there something that's bothering you in particular?

 

[Opaline]

It makes perfect sense. I find myself in that state quite a lot lately. I honestly thought I must be one of the only ones who experiences this, so I'm surprised there are others. Very surprised actually. I kind of thought it was just a result of my neuroticism and emotionality.

When I get those moments, I feel panicky because I think I am getting behind on what I'm "supposed" to be doing at my age right now, and then on top of that I beat myself up for past mistakes and I worry and agonize and obsess. And then I try to think of solutions to bring myself some peace through a plan of action, but then I shoot down my own solutions based on past negative experiences. All this craziness in my head renders me incapable of forming coherent thoughts that will move me in the direction I would like to go. I feel that there are no answers anywhere, like I'm in a torturous limbo of choices but nothing is clear and I'm full of anxiety.

Is that what you mean, or am I way off?

What you described really sounds like how I feel a lot, though, and have a hard time describing to others.

 

[cowboyup]

I get those moments too. Is there something that's bothering you in particular?

I feel like nothing really in particular, but then again, everything. I know it doesn't make much sense but Maybe just everyone here from SIL's family is kind of getting to me. They are nice people and we get along fine, but maybe too much stimulation...??

 

[cowboyup]

It makes perfect sense. I find myself in that state quite a lot lately. I honestly thought I must be one of the only ones who experiences this, so I'm surprised there are others. Very surprised actually. I kind of thought it was just a result of my neuroticism and emotionality.

When I get those moments, I feel panicky because I think I am getting behind on what I'm "supposed" to be doing at my age right now, and then on top of that I beat myself up for past mistakes and I worry and agonize and obsess. And then I try to think of solutions to bring myself some peace through a plan of action, but then I shoot down my own solutions based on past negative experiences. All this craziness in my head renders me incapable of forming coherent thoughts that will move me in the direction I would like to go. I feel that there are no answers anywhere, like I'm in a torturous limbo of choices but nothing is clear and I'm full of anxiety.

Is that what you mean, or am I way off?

What you described really sounds like how I feel a lot, though, and have a hard time describing to others.

Beatrice, You could not have explained it better! Thank You! That is exactly what I feel like - wow! Yes, it is very difficult to explain to others.

 

[Srijita52]

I feel like nothing really in particular, but then again, everything. I know it doesn't make much sense but Maybe just everyone here from SIL's family is kind of getting to me. They are nice people and we get along fine, but maybe too much stimulation...??

I understand and it does make sense. Maybe taking your mind off things for a while can help? Maybe you can spend a little time by yourself doing something you like or going for a walk by yourself. Just try not to concentrate on those negative thougts. Most of it might be just the depression talking and not what you really think. So what if you're 43, I'm sure things still can get better. Hang in there.

 

[BlueDays]

I feel like nothing really in particular, but then again, everything. I know it doesn't make much sense but Maybe just everyone here from SIL's family is kind of getting to me. They are nice people and we get along fine, but maybe too much stimulation...??

This may very well be what is causing the feelings you described. I know that my brain can reach a certain point from too much social interaction where it just shuts down and does not want to co-operate anymore.

When I get those moments, I feel panicky because I think I am getting behind on what I'm "supposed" to be doing at my age right now, and then on top of that I beat myself up for past mistakes and I worry and agonize and obsess. And then I try to think of solutions to bring myself some peace through a plan of action, but then I shoot down my own solutions based on past negative experiences. All this craziness in my head renders me incapable of forming coherent thoughts that will move me in the direction I would like to go. I feel that there are no answers anywhere, like I'm in a torturous limbo of choices but nothing is clear and I'm full of anxiety.

^Omg, I could have written this word for word Beatrice. It is such a relief to read that others go through the same thought processes too.

 

[JuiceB]

It makes perfect sense. I find myself in that state quite a lot lately. I honestly thought I must be one of the only ones who experiences this, so I'm surprised there are others. Very surprised actually. I kind of thought it was just a result of my neuroticism and emotionality.

When I get those moments, I feel panicky because I think I am getting behind on what I'm "supposed" to be doing at my age right now, and then on top of that I beat myself up for past mistakes and I worry and agonize and obsess. And then I try to think of solutions to bring myself some peace through a plan of action, but then I shoot down my own solutions based on past negative experiences. All this craziness in my head renders me incapable of forming coherent thoughts that will move me in the direction I would like to go. I feel that there are no answers anywhere, like I'm in a torturous limbo of choices but nothing is clear and I'm full of anxiety.

Is that what you mean, or am I way off?

What you described really sounds like how I feel a lot, though, and have a hard time describing to others.

This is a perfect explanation to the feelings I've been having for awhile. Been seeking a positive solution that will really keep me motivated and moving in one direction without stopping to ask 'what if'. I found this site and know I'm not alone butit still feels like its just me somedays.

 

[Hastings & Main]

I can't think or even form a sentence that at the moment I feel like just keeping quiet and out of sight for a while.

Does that make sense to anyone?

I keep thinking about all the things I 'should of, would of, could of' done with my life - I'm going to be 43 soon and I'm just stuck - stuck in life. I don't know which way to turn to improve my life.

See, I am re-reading this post and I feel like I can't even form a sentence that makes sense.

maybe it's a mid life crisis combined with pms, rolled in a sugar filled scoop of perimenopause caught in a marshmallow center of adrenal fatigue.

awesome, now I'm hungry

Same here, but more guy-oriented. I just turned 43 and I still feel 20 (actually, the other week a co-worker of a friend thought I was in my 20's! so that felt good : , probably because the SAD has stopped me from doing all the things I should have over the years & I'm still looking forward to them. That makes sense, right?

Anyway, my mind is usually a blur-whirlwind of thoughts, and I have to think that many of us here are undergoing the same thing.
Our thinking is geared towards worry: about what others are thinking of us at all times, what's that guy smiling about, why is she avoiding looking at me, what are they laughing about etc etc.

Now add to this: "Why can't I be normal? What do normal people think about? I should be married with kids by now! Why do I not have as many friends as these other people? Do I look stupid? Is the way I'm dressed making people not want to talk to me? If I were (friend, famous person w/e), how would I be taking care of this situation?" and more etc.

And for me, add a couple songs being stuck in repeat in my head, a little white noise, and the emotional fun-ride of being ME, and it's just chaos up here in the skull. And it almost never stops.

In one of my first posts when joining, I mentioned that some years ago, I went for 2-3 months of "normality": no worries, no SAD, no anxiety in any form AT ALL. It just snapped off one morning and I was free. It very slowly crept back, though. (no drugs, therapy or anything was going on to make the SAD stop suddenly. Still a mystery)
In that time, I had "normal" thoughts, which was basically, nothing. I actually had to fill my head with things to combat the sound of silence. I had to start whistling to occupy my mind. It was very bizarre, really. From a head full of noisy worry to "...wonder what I'll eat tonight...." and nothing else.

It was actually really boring. But I'd take it again over this crazy mess.

Speaking to others (and writing in forums I'm not totally comfortable with, or emails to new people) scrambles my syntax up and produces that "mind going blank" trauma most of us get, but when I am totally comfortable with the people (really just a couple friends & their families), I open up & the words flow nicely, but there's still a bit of a struggle. Oh, and alcohol has a wonderful way of relaxing a person and loosening the tongue.

Sorry, that was pretty long!

 

[montejocarlo]

i think a lot of people on SPW can somehow relate to this. we're all on the same boat no matter how different the specific life situations are.

i used to get this feeling often when i was still in school. my college years had been extended mostly because of my SAD. right after my batch-mates and friends graduated, i felt everything in the university seem alien in a way - like i don't belong there anymore. i started to feel regret for not trying hard enough. at the same time, i felt scared and anxious about how slowly i was moving forward and how i was already getting left behind. i wanted to jump into the future and get a really nice job like my classmates did.

the biggest problem here is that past and future are a bottomless pit. they have no end. if we dwell in past and future, we would be in a continuous loop, because reality is: we can't do anything to change them. we can spend our remaining days thinking about how bad our past had been or how dreadful our future is going to be, but truth is that they're beyond our reach. the only thing we have true power to affect is the present. and every moment we spend regretting or worrying is a wasted opportunity to make the necessary move in our lives that would steer us in the direction we want to head. if for example you are at home, busy regretting how stupid you acted the other day, then you came to work the following morning suddenly remembering that your boss asked you to finish an important document to be submitted that day, you will have another thing to regret the next day. and the cycle continues. once you wake up, you'll see that you've spent your life circling around the same place, unable to go elsewhere. past and future are an unnecessary baggage that burdens our present moment in which we make decisions and actions that ultimately determine our life situations.

this is easier said than done of course, but we always need to start somewhere.