yorkshirelass43
New member
I am hoping that you guys can help us as a family.
Myself and my partner have been together 5 years, I have 4 children aged 13 - 22 years old and my partner has 2 children 20 and 28. My 4 children and my partners 20 year boy lives with us.
The problem is with my partners 20 year old, he is very socially awkward, has no friends, very shy, nervous and can not hold down a job and we are at a loss in how we can help him. He rarely speaks to my children and thats only if they speak to him first, he doesnt instigate conversations, doesnt carry on a conversation if one is started.
Just recently he found a part time job at a fast food place, we were really proud and it seemed to be going ok or so we thought. He came home last Thursday and told us he had been fired as he was too slow, we didnt create or have a go, we said that that was fine and we would help him again secure a new job. My partner rang the fast food place to ask them about a uniform deposit return and we found out that he had actually been fired 10 days previous....he had still been catching the bus on some days but had had a few days off as he said he was unwell etc.
This is not the 1st time we have found him lying about college or work and even after telling him that it doesnt matter what job he has or how he feels, if he cannot be honest with us then we cannot help him....we as parents then felt bad as we just dont understand why he needs to lie when we are always very supportive and kind.
His dad wasnt very happy after he found out again that he had been lying and did tell him that he needed to sort himself out...he then spent the following day taking him out handing out cv's etc to try help him secure a new job.
My stepson has had a college course and dropped out after a few weeks, again not telling us and us finding out after 3 months he wasnt going.
We just dont know what to do - we are kind and supportive to all of our children, we have sat down with him and asked why he is so nervous, why when we walk past him does he jump out of the way, we have asked why does he feel the way he does, why does he lie etc and we just get no answers.
We dont trust him to do the things he says he is going to do, we dont want to treat him like a child as he is an adult. I am quite firm with my children, I ensure they are taught to be self sufficient and to deal with finances, that when they get their wages they pay their bills 1st and foremost and then whats left is theres, my partner sometimes thinks I am too harsh and maybe I am but they are all very sensible with money, they either go to school or work, I just cannot get this across to my stepson without feeling guilty...most of the time I feel he is treated like he is a 10 year old.
I hope you can help not only in how we get this young man to start taking responsiblity for his actions but how we can help him overcome his social awkwardness as this is affecting his job prospects and his life.
Myself and my partner have been together 5 years, I have 4 children aged 13 - 22 years old and my partner has 2 children 20 and 28. My 4 children and my partners 20 year boy lives with us.
The problem is with my partners 20 year old, he is very socially awkward, has no friends, very shy, nervous and can not hold down a job and we are at a loss in how we can help him. He rarely speaks to my children and thats only if they speak to him first, he doesnt instigate conversations, doesnt carry on a conversation if one is started.
Just recently he found a part time job at a fast food place, we were really proud and it seemed to be going ok or so we thought. He came home last Thursday and told us he had been fired as he was too slow, we didnt create or have a go, we said that that was fine and we would help him again secure a new job. My partner rang the fast food place to ask them about a uniform deposit return and we found out that he had actually been fired 10 days previous....he had still been catching the bus on some days but had had a few days off as he said he was unwell etc.
This is not the 1st time we have found him lying about college or work and even after telling him that it doesnt matter what job he has or how he feels, if he cannot be honest with us then we cannot help him....we as parents then felt bad as we just dont understand why he needs to lie when we are always very supportive and kind.
His dad wasnt very happy after he found out again that he had been lying and did tell him that he needed to sort himself out...he then spent the following day taking him out handing out cv's etc to try help him secure a new job.
My stepson has had a college course and dropped out after a few weeks, again not telling us and us finding out after 3 months he wasnt going.
We just dont know what to do - we are kind and supportive to all of our children, we have sat down with him and asked why he is so nervous, why when we walk past him does he jump out of the way, we have asked why does he feel the way he does, why does he lie etc and we just get no answers.
We dont trust him to do the things he says he is going to do, we dont want to treat him like a child as he is an adult. I am quite firm with my children, I ensure they are taught to be self sufficient and to deal with finances, that when they get their wages they pay their bills 1st and foremost and then whats left is theres, my partner sometimes thinks I am too harsh and maybe I am but they are all very sensible with money, they either go to school or work, I just cannot get this across to my stepson without feeling guilty...most of the time I feel he is treated like he is a 10 year old.
I hope you can help not only in how we get this young man to start taking responsiblity for his actions but how we can help him overcome his social awkwardness as this is affecting his job prospects and his life.
