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deleted #89
Guest
lol good one.
Mourning and focusing on the "negative" is counter intuitive people !
lol good one.
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deleted #89
Guest
It can be hard to change your thinking I agree BUT when you never challenge those distorted thoughts that you may have how can you even start changing? In a social situation if you always come to the conclusion that people wont find you interesting then that's what will happen in your head. Its a self fulfilling prophecy...
KiaKaha
Banned
Yeah I know. I have always agreed with the sentiment that there has to be a will to change - because if you dont have that will, nothing will change - and I know that some people wont understand this. The thing that I have problem with though, is that sometimes peoples realities are so incomprehensibly different from ones own - and that there is this idea that if it makes sense to you, then it HAS to make it sense to everyone else...
So what if you dwell on the negative? Is it counter productive...? Maybe... but does that mean that they cant be helped? No... it just means you need a different angle, a different approach. There needs to be a deep sense of understanding of the reasons WHY without invalidating the way someone feels.
In my opinion.
The end.
So what if you dwell on the negative? Is it counter productive...? Maybe... but does that mean that they cant be helped? No... it just means you need a different angle, a different approach. There needs to be a deep sense of understanding of the reasons WHY without invalidating the way someone feels.
In my opinion.
The end.
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deleted #89
Guest
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
So, if I assume out of my own negative thinking, that people judge and conclude things about me (of course I have no control over that), then they actually will? Even if they didn't necessarily to begin with?
Ya I guess negativity doesnt help productivity, but I just don't buy my own uplifting motivational self talk mumbo jumbo. Once, I was advised to "push out the negative thoughts" and all that zen goodness. Needless to say, I no longer speak to the person who lavished upon me, that precious gem of wisdom
WeirdyMcGee
Well-known member
haha
oh, yes.
I've been instructed to make lists of positive things in my life.
It seems impossible when you're stuck in an endless spiral of depression and self loathing, but really it's the only way to dig yourself out.
...it's just hard.
oh, yes.
I've been instructed to make lists of positive things in my life.
It seems impossible when you're stuck in an endless spiral of depression and self loathing, but really it's the only way to dig yourself out.
...it's just hard.
gustavofring
Well-known member
It sucks up a lot of energy to convince a tired and unmotivated SA/depression brain to be positive. Mind over matter can only go so far.
I have often watched motivational tapes, to plant these ideas in my brain of positivity but when you wake up every day feeling the same again, in the same boat, you realise it's nothing but a temporary feeling. Denying negative thoughts is almost like emotional supression.
I do agree however that giving up hope and just trying to dwell in negativity doesn't really help either. I think there should be a combination of realism and positivity. It often helps to set realistic goals of working towards something. That gives you purpose.
I have often watched motivational tapes, to plant these ideas in my brain of positivity but when you wake up every day feeling the same again, in the same boat, you realise it's nothing but a temporary feeling. Denying negative thoughts is almost like emotional supression.
I do agree however that giving up hope and just trying to dwell in negativity doesn't really help either. I think there should be a combination of realism and positivity. It often helps to set realistic goals of working towards something. That gives you purpose.
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sullyS25
Well-known member
So, if I assume out of my own negative thinking, that people judge and conclude things about me (of course I have no control over that), then they actually will? Even if they didn't necessarily to begin with?
That is exactly what I am saying. If you view yourself as socially awkward you will act accordingly and others will see you that way. That has been my experience. But hey it isn't for everyone and mocking people that try and help always helps as well. That is why we are on this site right? Because our ideas worked so well?
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deleted #89
Guest
montejocarlo
Well-known member
i really appreciate this thread. i'd rather people push me to get on with my life than throw me a pity party. i'm sorry if this would sound rude, but honestly, anybody who says it's ok to be sad and to dwell on negative thoughts is deluding himself/herself. you know as much as anyone that it isn't true. you would be lucky to have someone who kicks your lazy butt out of bed when won't get up.
there's no fixed meaning in life. the only meaning there is, are the ones we put on things. people become defensive when someone tells them, "don't be sad." it scares them to know that they have a choice. once they accept it, they also accept the responsibility that comes with it, and then they can't point fingers anymore. at least not on anyone else but themselves. i agree btw: it's easier said than done. i myself have a hard time doing it, but it doesn't make it any less true.
there's no fixed meaning in life. the only meaning there is, are the ones we put on things. people become defensive when someone tells them, "don't be sad." it scares them to know that they have a choice. once they accept it, they also accept the responsibility that comes with it, and then they can't point fingers anymore. at least not on anyone else but themselves. i agree btw: it's easier said than done. i myself have a hard time doing it, but it doesn't make it any less true.
The Observer
Well-known member
Good input, I agree with you.
I think they get scared because they have been that way for so long its all they know and the longer things continue the harder it is to change them as they become habits which then become big parts of their personalities and then their identities.
Asking to change, would almost in a sense, in my opinion be like asking them to change who they are (lose their identity) and I guess thats a scary thought. I think what might help people better deal with that would be for them to become aware that everything they think they are or tell themself is not true i.e (the bad negitive stuff)
Your right its, its very easy to sit here and say it and a lot harder to do. It can be done as there are examples of people on this very forum who have overcame their SA.
Prestonator
Well-known member
I absolutely agree with MR.Wonderful here....
Focusing on the negative will get you no-where in the way of progressing. SA is not something that you are born with, it is actually quite normal. Everyone has some form of SA its just that if it causes you to avoid certain situations then it becomes more extreme. Take the example of crossing a road: Everyone becomes anxious and aprehensive of crossing a road because there is a chance of getting ran over, but that anxiety doesnt stop people from ever crossing a road because of it. That level of anxiety is what is seen as being normal. The avoidance of situations through anxiety is seen to be a more extreme form, often crippling. The feeling of anxiety becomes much more intense. It is not something that cant be sorted out though, through therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) these feelings and reactions can be easily sorted out. These reactions are just learnt behaviours and as my therapist says: Anything that has been learnt can be unlearnt. This is very true. Though it is hard to do on your own though.
But back to the first post on this thread, thinking negative is neither good nor healthy. It is much more important to look at the positives in order to progress through SA. If you have made a small step through progressing, you should try to always look back on this if you are at a low point.
I used to suffer from crippling anxiety until about a year ago when I decided to go see a therapist. One year on, I am much more able to do things, more confident that I can do things, and more importantly do not get phased by things so much anymore. Okay yes sometimes I do find situations hard, but you just look back at all the positive experiences you have had, and boy it makes it so much easier. You should try it!!
Focusing on the negative will get you no-where in the way of progressing. SA is not something that you are born with, it is actually quite normal. Everyone has some form of SA its just that if it causes you to avoid certain situations then it becomes more extreme. Take the example of crossing a road: Everyone becomes anxious and aprehensive of crossing a road because there is a chance of getting ran over, but that anxiety doesnt stop people from ever crossing a road because of it. That level of anxiety is what is seen as being normal. The avoidance of situations through anxiety is seen to be a more extreme form, often crippling. The feeling of anxiety becomes much more intense. It is not something that cant be sorted out though, through therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) these feelings and reactions can be easily sorted out. These reactions are just learnt behaviours and as my therapist says: Anything that has been learnt can be unlearnt. This is very true. Though it is hard to do on your own though.
But back to the first post on this thread, thinking negative is neither good nor healthy. It is much more important to look at the positives in order to progress through SA. If you have made a small step through progressing, you should try to always look back on this if you are at a low point.
I used to suffer from crippling anxiety until about a year ago when I decided to go see a therapist. One year on, I am much more able to do things, more confident that I can do things, and more importantly do not get phased by things so much anymore. Okay yes sometimes I do find situations hard, but you just look back at all the positive experiences you have had, and boy it makes it so much easier. You should try it!!