I'm going to probably end up like my sister in a sad, tragic way

[tracey69]

My baby sister passed away in her 20's. Won't say how. I can see myself following in her footsteps. As a well as a long-term friend who I had a crush on also passed away young.

No amount of counseling is going to fix the emotional pain I have inside and have carried from when I was a kid. I have NO friends (Relatives and family friends don't not close to any of them anyways), NEVER been asked out on an official date where the guy pays. I have the emotional maturity of a 12yr. old, possible autistic or aspergener's traits though never been tested. Its nearly impossible for me to hold a conversation. I barely ever smile, laugh or say anything funny

I've only been intimate with 1 guy in my life and that has sort of ended. We're still sort of friends only because I think he feels sorry for me. I'd love to tell him how I feel about my life and that I'm gonna end up like my sister and a mutual friend. I don't want to make him feel guilty although I don't think he'd care.

I've NEVER been close to my family and siblings growing up. Always felt like the "black sheep"


I've tried and tried without trying to be desperate to get men to ask me out and I don't want to be a "booty call". I do work full-time and an odd shift sometimes weekend. so it makes it harder for things I want to do. Living in a rural area and having poor night vision doesn't help.

 

[Feathers]

hey hun ((hugs))

I live in rural area too and it can suck, yup.. any events or organisations you could join?
Any autism/aspergers support groups in your country? Maybe daylight events you could go to?
Or maybe evening courses or cooking classes or such you could take? (something interesting!)

Sorry to hear about sister and friend pass away young, I've lost friends who were young too.. It can be painful. And sometimes time is the thing that heals most.

I don't know how old you are, but I had some years in my twenties when I've been asked out and 'hit on' less than in my 30's...

Official dates are overrated, I had way more fun on some 'inofficial' ones where nobody paid anything Or just eg hiking trips or such.. It doesn't have to be money involved...

You do work full-time and seem like a caring person, so for many men you are quite a catch!! Maybe they just don't know yet that you exist!! (Someone online also wrote she was waiting for 'the divorce wave', when guys who were in relationships get divorced - where I live some have divorced/split up already... So it may happen where you live too...)

There are things you can learn about communication and how to make men interested... I was clueless at first and then learnt at least a little bit more... So you CAN learn too!!

 

[DeadmanWalking]

My baby sister passed away in her 20's. Won't say how. I can see myself following in her footsteps. As a well as a long-term friend who I had a crush on also passed away young.

No amount of counseling is going to fix the emotional pain I have inside and have carried from when I was a kid. I have NO friends (Relatives and family friends don't not close to any of them anyways), NEVER been asked out on an official date where the guy pays. I have the emotional maturity of a 12yr. old, possible autistic or aspergener's traits though never been tested. Its nearly impossible for me to hold a conversation. I barely ever smile, laugh or say anything funny

I've only been intimate with 1 guy in my life and that has sort of ended. We're still sort of friends only because I think he feels sorry for me. I'd love to tell him how I feel about my life and that I'm gonna end up like my sister and a mutual friend. I don't want to make him feel guilty although I don't think he'd care.

I've NEVER been close to my family and siblings growing up. Always felt like the "black sheep"


I've tried and tried without trying to be desperate to get men to ask me out and I don't want to be a "booty call". I do work full-time and an odd shift sometimes weekend. so it makes it harder for things I want to do. Living in a rural area and having poor night vision doesn't help.

I'm sorry about your sister and friend; I know what it's like to lose someone to whom you feel close. You really do sound like me though, down to the autistic tendencies; of course, I haven't been tested either. Of course, the only difference between us is that you've had an intimate encounter.

You're right; no amount of counseling will be able to heal your emotional scars. YOU have to be the one who does that; all counseling is supposed to do is be the catalyst for the cure. No one can fix your life for you; you have to fix it yourself. It sounds like those deaths have caused a wound in your heart that hasn't closed yet. Find some form of resolution to it; remember them not for their death, but for their life which you were blessed to be a part of. I'm sure they felt happy to meet you as well, so live on with that knowledge in mind. Live a happy life so that, once your time has come, you can meet with them once more and share life experiences.

It's great that you don't want to be a "booty call," that's a very attractive quality in people. It shows that you have respect for yourself and refuse to lower yourself. If one guy has been in a relationship with you, then there's another out there who wishes to be in a relationship with you. All you have to do is live your life, do the things that you enjoy and time will bring you a partner. I hope I helped in any way.