A Life of Fear

[Beatrice]

As long as I can remember, I've been afraid. Of talking to people, of stairs, escalators, street drains, roller coasters, standing on the top of the bleachers in choir, of failure, losing loved ones, being alone, not fitting in, tornadoes, cars, animals, riding a bike, swimming... the list doesn't end there. While some of these are normal to some degree, my fears were always overpowering and irrational - like a phobia. I've overcome many but find that fear still controls my life. I never fully realized it until this week.... my whole life has been ruled by fear virtually from day 1. And now that I'm older, I recognize it and realize the irrationality of it, but can do nothing to rid myself of the automatic anxiety that plagues me when it comes to so many situations. I just wanted to get it out there, it was on my mind..... FEAR. My greatest enemy. So far it's winning

 

[Graeme1988]

As long as I can remember, I've been afraid. Of talking to people, of stairs, escalators, street drains, roller coasters, standing on the top of the bleachers in choir, of failure, losing loved ones, being alone, not fitting in, tornadoes, cars, animals, riding a bike, swimming... the list doesn't end there. While some of these are normal to some degree, my fears were always overpowering and irrational - like a phobia. I've overcome many but find that fear still controls my life. I never fully realized it until this week.... my whole life has been ruled by fear virtually from day 1. And now that I'm older, I recognize it and realize the irrationality of it, but can do nothing to rid myself of the automatic anxiety that plagues me when it comes to so many situations. I just wanted to get it out there, it was on my mind..... FEAR. My greatest enemy. So far it's winning

I can relate there, Beatrice. Especially to the fear of failure, losing loved ones, not fitting in. So, if it helps in anyway, you're not alone in feeling that fear controls your life. I can't really offer you any advice, other than - stay strong and, more importantly, don't give up.

 

[planemo]

All I can say is that I'm the same. Irrational fear grips me in almost every facet of my life. I start worrying and obsessing over the smallest thing. This has always made me feel like an outcast coz i can see that everyone else around me does not experience life this way. I too felt this way from day 1. What a mistake!!!! But a mistake implies that I chose to be this way. But in all honesty - I didn't. I never wanted to be this way, it was something i just couldn't and still can't get rid of. All I can say is that living in so much fear makes it impossible to live a competent, worthwhile and complete life. Well for me anyway. :: You're not alone. Many of us here, are on the same side of the fence as you.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

You aren't alone, Beatrice, nor anyone else. Fear, irrational fear is the basis to everyone's phobias. Fear is the mindkiller. You've said you've overcame many of those fears. We're all struggling to deal with and control our fears... it sucks to to be ruled by them. Most of us didnt choose to be this way, but we can choose to fight. Choose to realize something can be done. Knowing and being aware and accepting is half the battle, the far more difficult half is the doing.

Believing there's nothing we can do about it or to rid self of the griping fear/anxiety; that's a choice. It feels that way... but this is a battle, fear wins today, but that doesn't mean it has to win all your days. I'm trying hard now to fight it... I realize I can't fight it everyday. But there's an adage, to treat every day like a new life. Tomorrows another day to fight, to make some ground.

All easier said than done; I come to realize I need more help I cannot do it alone. =) This place has helped me, but I need RL help - anyways. Dont give up.

 

[Beatrice]

You're always so positive, Lemur. Thanks

 

[Ryguy2598]

Best way to overcome any fear is to face it.

 

[Beatrice]

Best way to overcome any fear is to face it.

See, I don't believe that. Only because no matter how many times I force myself to do something I fear, I'm still just as afraid the next time. And the next time. And the next time. I used to believe that, but.... not any more.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

See, I don't believe that. Only because no matter how many times I force myself to do something I fear, I'm still just as afraid the next time. And the next time. And the next time. I used to believe that, but.... not any more.

It's like my quote, do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain. Except it's like a bad horror movies, the killer always comes back in the sequels =)

You have to do it, but believe in doing it. In yourself. Imo has to be some more going on than just simply "facing" the fear itself. Which makes it so confusing and difficult.

 

[coyote]

It's like my quote, do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain. Except it's like a bad horror movies, the killer always comes back in the sequels =)

You have to do it, but believe in doing it. In yourself. Imo has to be some more going on than just simply "facing" the fear itself. Which makes it so confusing and difficult.

right, you can't just keep facing it and expect IT to change

you have to use the experience to change the way YOU think

by continuing to survive the situations you fear, you enable yourself to realize that your fear is unwarranted

and maybe you can begin to let go of it

 

[layeazy]

The more i learn about social phobia and fears the less fear i have i would recommend CBT i am going through it now and have committed myself 110% into it doesn't always work in the studies that have been done but for myself 3 sessions in i have learnt a new way of thinking and controlling myself.

There is a saying "fear is something we create"

 

[ksuyefd]

See, I don't believe that. Only because no matter how many times I force myself to do something I fear, I'm still just as afraid the next time. And the next time. And the next time. I used to believe that, but.... not any more.

But how than should you overcome fear?
I understand your frustration and I also hate it when I do something I fear (maybe a few times) and the fear doesn't seem to vain off. But there are many different ways you can go about doing something you fear.
One book I found really helpful is Panic Away (you can find it on piratebay). Mainly because it is not only some philosophical/motivational text that doesn't offer any practical advice, it is quite the opposite.
Also, if you really think about it, there are probably many examples from your life where you got more confident and simply stopped fearing a situation because you did face that fear and in a way that made that fear go away.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

right, you can't just keep facing it and expect IT to change

you have to use the experience to change the way YOU think

by continuing to survive the situations you fear, you enable yourself to realize that your fear is unwarranted

and maybe you can begin to let go of it

That's how, ksu. The fears I've truly conquered, it's been two-fronts, facing the fear, doing it, more than once, and changing my view/thoughts on it. And that in turn changed my view on myself.

This is kinda what Nietzsche said, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, aka what coyote said surviving the situations you fear, etc.

But you have to change your thoughts; this is the hard part. And there's no shame in getting help, guidance, a bridge over troubled water, this is what I need for my biggest fears.

 

[Dronee]

See, I don't believe that. Only because no matter how many times I force myself to do something I fear, I'm still just as afraid the next time. And the next time. And the next time. I used to believe that, but.... not any more.

I think it's more like playing the piano.

 

[goldatom]

I want to remove my amygdala which is the part of the brain which causes fear.

 

[hoddesdon]

See, I don't believe that. Only because no matter how many times I force myself to do something I fear, I'm still just as afraid the next time. And the next time. And the next time. I used to believe that, but.... not any more.

Actually I have read a couple of times recently that this can happen to some people, but there is an antibiotic that helps. There is a blockage preventing new experiences producing new feelings, and the antibiotics unblocks the blockage. This is mentioned in "Painfully Shy" by Barbara Markway. The name of the antibiotic is not given though.

 

[Beatrice]

Actually I have read a couple of times recently that this can happen to some people, but there is an antibiotic that helps. There is a blockage preventing new experiences producing new feelings, and the antibiotics unblocks the blockage. This is mentioned in "Painfully Shy" by Barbara Markway. The name of the antibiotic is not given though.

Wow, never heard that before. Interesting. I'll have to read it.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Actually I have read a couple of times recently that this can happen to some people, but there is an antibiotic that helps. There is a blockage preventing new experiences producing new feelings, and the antibiotics unblocks the blockage. This is mentioned in "Painfully Shy" by Barbara Markway. The name of the antibiotic is not given though.

It would seem that you have misread the book. The author recalled an incident where she had to convince a patient, 'Marie' that social anxiety is a real illness and real medications could help. The antibiotic in her story was prescribed for bronchitis and a sinus infection, not a mental blockage of new feelings. The author discusses the pros and cons of various conventional medications and even has a chart, from which antibiotics are rather conspicuously absent.

Painfully Shy: How to Overcome ... - Google Books

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

It would seem that you have misread the book. The author recalled an incident where she had to convince a patient, 'Marie' that social anxiety is a real illness and real medications could help. The antibiotic in her story was prescribed for bronchitis and a sinus infection, not a mental blockage of new feelings. The author discusses the pros on cons of various conventional medications and even has a chart, from which antibiotics are rather conspicuously absent.

Painfully Shy: How to Overcome ... - Google Books

Yeah, this. There's certainly been studies about brain chemistry with ppl with anxiety, the amygdala in the limbic region of the brain (responsible for fear response) overactive, like it's stuck. But Antibiotics won't help that, specifically... this book has confusing parts in it like this, I've read Painfully Shy, good book but... well, yeah...=)

 

[Falkor]

Hi Beatrice, Maybe you suffer from Generalized anxiety disorder?
I suffer from this, and social phobia, people with GAD are not only afraid of people like SP's, they are afraid in general, afraid of a lot of things, could be so many things like from your list. I'm sorry to hear you go through so many things, I can relate to the talking to people, I always been afraid of making friends, i'm not afraid of rollercoasters, but I am afraid of long heights (a lot of metres), failure is one of my main fears, i been afraid of needles like oh wow my whole life, losing loved ones but try to ignore the thought now, being afraid of hospitals, afraid of elevators since i read a shocking article on the web:S, just soo many things, and the dentist, but now i have a careful dentist , he takes care of people like us, but still i hate all these fears, but i've been born this way and i always been like this, so people should accept me, but most hard part is accepting myself for all this..

 

[Beatrice]

Actually, Saskia, I do have GAD. I am ALWAYS anxious. Anxiety is my regular state, as opposed to relaxed like most people. You and I definitely seem to operate the same in that aspect (well, except for roller coasters - yeesh, how can you LIKE those things? haha)