The cause of your social anxiety? And possible solution?

[Solar]

Hi people,

After thoroughly studying myself and finding the cause of why I 've got social anxiety I've found the source(s). I've found that I was rejected from group-activies in my childhood, yes children don't have a solid reason to reject a person but selfishness. But due to an uforntunate series of coincidences it happened only with my family. Namely my cousins and nieces, they were getting along well, while I was turned away. Now I don't try to sound like a victim and I didn't pay this much mind either, but the result is quite clear.

Combine this with a strict upbringing of my parents where I wasn't allowed to go out much and see friends. And having religious doctrines influence me.

I can see why I have been subtly changed into a quiet person, with no selfconfidence in social areas... It kind of pisses me off lol

So what I think that could help me change is to reverse these conditions. That means if I were to engage in group activities I must have a rewarding feeling in order to learn to move freely in a group. And if I get continious results of succes I should change. But the downside is that change is easier when you are a child. and I´m already grownup.

Man that was a trippy piece of text I wrote Now that I said that I feel somewhat relieved. But it doesn't change anything... yet

How about you?

 

[JamesSmith]

For me, it's a combination of muscle tension and past experiences that went badly socially. I do have a mild case of PTSD, as well as SAD.

As for trying to hang out with groups of people, this doesn't work for me, maybe it works for other people. The times I've felt most suicidal was when I was around people and after I left, I had intense suicidal thoughts. Being around many people makes me feel more like an outcast and makes me feel bad about myself.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Well I believe it's a mixture of things. Genetics, biology, bad experiences (or lack there of, like avoiding situations, never being in a relationship, etc.), parents/upbringing, environment (which is vague, that can constitute all of this) years of behavior/thought patterns and tensions, health.

Studies have show the limbic region of the brain, area responsible for emotion/responses, memory - and specifically the amygdala (fear response, fight flight) are like a switch left on - overactive and that is a huge affect on your whole overall well-being and obviously thought/etc.

Why this is so possibly many reasons - I believe what James has said, physically relaxing the body, eases the mind it's all connected. The other component IS actual thoughts/thinking. Why many find CBT effective - change - is hard. I've learned I can't do it by myself.

And everyone is different. I know I was always introverted but did not have SA until really end of elementary school/middleschool. I was made fun of a lot for physical reasons, and I made friends that were reclusive in middleschool. My mom was always paranoid. Worrying. She didnt work. That huge affect on child I mean god bless her. My dad was kinda like Indiana Jones dad, not strict, giving freedom and independence but for my mindset I need a push.

Anyways I never developed a big backbone and didnt express my feelings so all added up to thought patterns and excess tension and worry that compounded of years.

Anyways lol I didnt mean to write all that Im kind tripped up on mega caffeine right now.

 

[Shygirl2011]

Being bullied and left out all through Middle School, I never fully recovered from that. (It was more traumatizing than it sounds)

 

[P_Floyd]

Being rejected when I tried to socialize on middle school ::

 

[BleedTheFreak]

I was always a shy kid, very timid and emotional, but I enjoyed doing things and being around people. I don't think it was bullying, though I did get bullied quite a bit (as early as 6th grade, but worse in high school) but was still able to make a few friends. I think I developed it over a period of time after my parents split. They'd juggle me back and forth and still have awful fights, and by the time I was 16 I had lived in 7 or 8 different places.

My father was an alcoholic and got worse as I got older. When I was about to start 7th grade I was forced to live with him. At this time he broke his leg under odd circumstances and wasn't working (he was a fireman) and basically just did nothing but drink. I'd never know what to expect, sometimes he'd be up in the morning as I left for school, other times he'd be asleep. Sometimes he'd be up all night, and sometimes he'd pass out and leave me to fend for myself. When he was drunk he got very loud and brash, and I became very intimidated of him and would barely speak to him. He was also a racist, sexist, and a violent homophobe. Just a really disgusting person even when sober.

The only good thing in my life was my grandparents. They were in walking distance and I was always welcome. I loved it because I knew I could go there and it'd be quiet, I knew they sat down to eat every night, and I knew they'd always be there for me. They did everything they could to give me some normalcy but eventually I had to go home, and nights were the worst.

I was alone with a man who was basically on another planet most of the time, totally unapproachable. Every once in a while I'd see him sober for an hour or two and that was pretty much the only time I felt at ease around him. Then I'd see him pour a drink and I knew it wouldn't be long until he turned into "Mr. Hyde". He'd be downstairs yelling in his sleep and I'd just sit in my room afraid to even go get something to eat. I felt like the only person on Earth. I couldn't live with my mom because she could barely take care of herself and there was no way I could ever tell him I didn't want to live with him (though I eventually did when I was 16) I think that's when I developed the habits I have now, like not speaking up for myself and feeling like I'm bothering someone every time I talk to them. Of course it goes way deeper than that, but I think it was the 4 years I lived with him that changed me.

Sorry this is so long, I've never actually written that out before. Feels pretty good to do so.

 

[Solar]

Yes Deus Ex lemeur, I believe everything is connected as well. There in must lie the answer I think. THough it's easier said then done.

I can pretty much relate to what's being said here. Except for BleedTheFreak. That must've been some experience. I don't mind the long piece of text at all, it's actually rather quite interesting I hope you're doing fine.

So most of you had te bitter experience of being bullied on school right? I konw that sucks, it's about the worst thing there is, it definitely changes a person. But if you pull thorugh and achieve high scores on school those bitter memories could dissolve. I've endured it and gone much farther than the bullies, While I completed 2-3 schools theye dropped out in the 1st one > sorry, it feels like justice to me >.>

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Yes Deus Ex lemeur, I believe everything is connected as well. There in must lie the answer I think. THough it's easier said then done.

I can pretty much relate to what's being said here. Except for BleedTheFreak. That must've been some experience. I don't mind the long piece of text at all, it's actually rather quite interesting I hope you're doing fine.

So most of you had te bitter experience of being bullied on school right? I konw that sucks, it's about the worst thing there is, it definitely changes a person. But if you pull thorugh and achieve high scores on school those bitter memories could dissolve. I've endured it and gone much farther than the bullies, While I completed 2-3 schools theye dropped out in the 1st one > sorry, it feels like justice to me >.>

Yah. Truth is and I know this from my experience with some who bullied me - they had really bad lives. I can sympathize with one now - dont talk to him - but - it was his way of acting out. I can understand why he did it. I cant hold anger at him. If I had an ounce of his life I may have bullied too. But my way of dealing with things was opposite - retracting, inward. As most ppl here. Still - cant truly forgive. Not where I am now. But I dont think about those days much luckily.

 

[Solar]

Yah. Truth is and I know this from my experience with some who bullied me - they had really bad lives. I can sympathize with one now - dont talk to him - but - it was his way of acting out. I can understand why he did it. I cant hold anger at him. If I had an ounce of his life I may have bullied too. But my way of dealing with things was opposite - retracting, inward. As most ppl here. Still - cant truly forgive. Not where I am now. But I dont think about those days much luckily.

Well in my case I didn't retract inward, and having about 80% of the class turning against you is hardly fair xD Luckily the group broke up and started having conflicts here and there.

What kind of life did your bully led then?

 

[Bustn Justin]

As what everyone else has posted is that they have been rejected and / or bullied when they were younger. I had the same experiences and thought since everyone doesn't like me I started hating myself. When I did that I didn't want to do anything or try anything new. Now I am trying to work on liking myself more and not beat up myself so that I feel that I can be part of a group or be in a relationship.

 

[Solar]

As what everyone else has posted is that they have been rejected and / or bullied when they were younger.
I had the same experiences and thought since everyone doesn't like me I started hating myself. When I did that I didn't want to do anything
or try anything new. Now I am trying to work on liking myself more and not beat up myself so that I feel that I can be part of a group or
be in a relationship.

Yes, I can relate to that a lot. Chewing yourself out, blaming yourself for the flaws, pain and misery. You reject yourself when others
are rejecting you. Even though I do that I also have strong ambitions, they're just about the only thing that keeps me going... Should I
waver I have no idea what I would do.

But relations and group activities are not easy, if your mind isn't in the same kind of stat as the group is. And that will make you stand out,
as if you're not participating. But never give up nonetheless, but on the other hand, you want to spare yourself the grieve of being different
in the group, which is unavoidable.

Man it's such a dillema. And it also depends on what kind of persons they are. Are they compatible etc. It's a lot of work.
Or maybe I shouldn't think so much about these matters?

 

[Sial Axetder]

Cause: It's me. It's who am I.
Solution: Death, haha, well technically yes but no. Keep at it. Take away the twisting thoughts of AvPD that make me believe I say things wrongly or will say them wrongly. Or I will be not accepted. Avoid avoidance is what I am trying to do. Get up and do it. I am me just as much as they are them.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Avoid avoidance. That's good.