Making friends with zero self-esteem.How?

[R3X]

I have difficulty in making friends.I've tried but since i have zero self-esteem,i fail..I feel like i'm the worst piece of **** there is cause i see everyone is better than me in every single aspect in life.I feel like if they got to know the real me,they would instantly distant themselves from me.So,how do you make friends when you have zero self-esteem and how to increase your self-esteem when you don't have any good qualities/skills?

 

[missjesss]

Well first of all you need to accept yourself and learn to love who u are before u can even attempt to have any friends I have aquaintances and a sister and brother and I can assure you when I'm feeling **** I hate being around them and I feel inferior but I've been working on self acceptance and learning to love myself and it has been working dramatically once u truley accept who u r u dont feel inferior and you actually enjoy being around ppl plus ur more able to be urself so no more negativity ur not a piece of **** xxx

 

[sunboy400]

You have got to try to raise your self esteem by believing you are good at being your self and what you do.Even thou its difficult but you have to try because you cant convince people about anything if you cant convince yourself.And about making friends,just try to be jovial and calm thats all.

 

[kihira]

I have difficulty in making friends.I've tried but since i have zero self-esteem,i fail..I feel like i'm the worst piece of **** there is cause i see everyone is better than me in every single aspect in life.I feel like if they got to know the real me,they would instantly distant themselves from me.So,how do you make friends when you have zero self-esteem and how to increase your self-esteem when you don't have any good qualities/skills?

A common theme here is of people falling into the trap of comparing themselves to others and feeling like ****e. Everyone has good qualities, so explore what yours are, believe them and dont compare them. Everyone is different, nothing more. No one is better or worse.

 

[alejandro84]

i quite often feel like im an outcast like for example if im at work everyone seems to be having conversations with people and i feel ignored. Also when faced with new people I get really nervous and just end up making a fool of myself i cant even talk its like selective mutism i can never think of anything intelligent to say, mainly just yes and no answers come out of my mouth.

 

[Bones]

I know how you feel, every time it comes to talking to someone, my mind always goes blank and I've nothing to talk about, so my 'conversations' are usually just yes and no as well... I guess we've just gotta try and ignore everyone else until we feel comfortable in our own skin; and then we should be brave enough to get our-selves some friends?

 

[JamesSmith]

The main thing you need to do is to stop comparing yourself to other people who don't have social anxiety disorder and accept yourself for who you are. Everyone has flaws.

 

[CopenhagenCasual]

"Yes" and "no".

Is that really all you people can say? I use this one as well "I don't know" ;D

 

[Minty]

Affirmations. You've fallen into a pattern of negative thinking, so develop a new one.

 

[blackgatescross]

I agree with the posts here.

I think that it all comes down to how you feel about yourself. If you feel good about yourself, the confidence will come naturally. I definately have my moments where I am down and feel like ****.

I try to increase my confidence by working on and enjoying things that really matter in life, such as exercise and learning new things. The problem with western society is that we are continually bombarded by advertising messages telling us we are worthless unless we buy this particular type of product that they are peddling.

Everybody here is smart enough to realise that driving a Lexus and wearing designer jeans are not going to change what kind of person you are. I will still be the same individual with SA and depression regardless of what logo I have on my T-Shirt.

I feel better if I stay away from the E Channel and the Home Shopping Network and I read books about History instead.

Sorry for the rant, one of those days . . ::

 

[JamesSmith]

I think the way a lot of society operates is stupid. Many people place other people's self-worth on whether the person talks enough to meet their expectations and matches their social enthusiasm and social abilities. Then when people like us don't meet these outgoing people's unrealistic expectations, we're classified as weird, mute outcasts.

 

[StrandedTangle]

Despite my ongoing problems with SA, as I have grown older I no longer worry too much about what other people think. I know that might sound like a contradiction otherwise why do I have SA? The thing I'm trying to say is; I'm not going to change myself into something I'm not just to fit in with the crowd or make a false friend. Start by being true to yourself; that's where you first have to find a friend.

 

[R3X]

it's hard to believe in / think positive thoughts about yourself when you know for a fact that you're a failure...it's hard going from a pessimist > optimist because the negative-thinking sort of became a habit and it's one tough habit to break...

 

[JamesSmith]

it's hard to believe in / think positive thoughts about yourself when you know for a fact that you're a failure...it's hard going from a pessimist > optimist because the negative-thinking sort of became a habit and it's one tough habit to break...

I'm curious as to what makes you a failure? And do you think you are a failure, or are others telling you that you are a failure?

 

[chopin83]

This post is very interresting. I can relate a lot to the OP.

How do you work towards self-acceptance when you really feel as if your the worst lad on earth ?

I always end up comparing myself to others =( , the result is that I feel lower than scum. I'm obviously doing it the bad way and although I realize it it seems I automatically dwell on negative patterns.

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude though , surely answers & solutions will arrive soon.

 

[Kiwong]

You're modest and shy. That's two positives.

My mantra is "I'm not the best person in the world, but I'm far from the worst."

Look around you, there's no way you're the worst person in the world.

You're alright. Just a shy soul trying to battle through.

 

[JamesSmith]

You're modest and shy. That's two positives.

Modesty is a very positive trait to have. But how is shyness a positive trait? I've never had shyness help me in any situation.

 

[R3X]

I'm curious as to what makes you a failure? And do you think you are a failure, or are others telling you that you are a failure?

both actually...some through their faces/expressions,some saying it indirectly/directly,some through insults,sometimes when someone is upset,they'll shout "you're a loser,what do you know?!"...i am trying to stand up again after being down for so long but there's always this little voice in my head that keeps saying,"you're a failure.you fail in everything you do.no matter what,either academically,socially,physically,emotionally,spritually,etc, you still FAIL and always will.you FAIL as a human being." this is the thought that i have everyday in my life...
it's HARD,very hard especially if you don't have any supporters around you....
the only support i have is myself(and this site of course lol)....i don't have friends(only one),my parents dont know what i'm going through since i don't want them to worry,i have no siblings,i'm not close to any of my cousins but ironically,i'm the most "popular"....so all in all,i have no one i can connect with on a personal level either through friends(except one but he's far away now)/relatives....all of them don't know what i'm going through...it's very hard doing this alone....i guess subconsciously,i've "accepted" that i am a failure/loser....