What to do? (vent)

[3lefts]

I could live the rest of my life alone, I really don't care because I'm comfortable with myself.
There are just these moments, like how I'm cold when I first get into bed, and the sheets are cold and I just want somebody warm to hold me. Ick. These stupid little moments that make me wish I had somebody.
So I convince myself that I am capable of a healthy relationship. That it will happen on it's own yadda-yadda.
How can it happen when I've never met a guy in person, who seems like he'd really love me. How can it happen when I feel extreme discomfort being physically close? When I dislike being looked at or flirted with because it all leads in one direction that starts to make me sick. I crave intimacy, but really the reality of it makes me cringe... How do I deal with these contradicting emotions?
If I can find and make a mental connection, will I ever manage to feel comfortable in their arms?
I feel like there is no one crazy enough to connect with me. No one that will ever make me feel ohk in their presence. No one that will care enough.
I don't want to be used, and I don't want to be just anybody. The same in reverse. I don't want to use, and I don't want them to be just anybody to me.
That is why I don't get dating. You just file through people.
I think it is better to have an open relationship than one that you're going to stop caring about...

aeorgheruo Just had to get that out.

 

[DespairSoul]

Hello 3 left,

Sound very contradicting your self. Like u want but too dont want. I was reading about one disorder wich one little describe your confusing feelings. Read about Boderline disorder there one sentence what describe your contradicting. Like u want or dont want relationship. If u say u could be alone whole live make me this totally freezing because i cant imagine be alone im just your opposite. Schizoid disorder dont like people around and they like to be alone and they dont longing be in public,they cant go along with people but good is they dont feel empty if they stay alone. Better i wish too dont wish as much i do be in relation or public is really horrible to be dependent on someone. I dont want make some diagnose i hope u dont mind i wrote u some examples what could be,i just try it maybe u will find your self in it. Your post make really confused/ Because sounds like u want both but u are also scared to be with someone because he will be your apart?

 

[EscapeArtist]

*e-hug*
It's a horrible contradiction... just remember that fears can be conquered, but most likely the craving cannot be... Because it is in our genes. There is a way out but it's a tough and uncomfortable one

 

[los77]

3lefts
I kinda feel the same way as you, I feel awkward when being touched by people, but i think that changes when you really like somebody. A girl I liked onced hugged me and it felt great. I too dislike being looked at or flirted with because I think they might just be playing around with me. But I think if someone wants something serious with you they will try, instead of flirting, to tell to you in a serious coversation.

That is just my way of viewing things and its not really expert advice being that I have zero dating or relationship experience.

 

[UnOccupied]

Your heart is just like anything else nice in life. You can either use it and have the possibility of it getting damaged, or heart broken, or you can keep it wrapped up inside its box, your entire life until you finally realize the reward was worth the risk.
Catch my drift?

 

[AGR]

I feel awkward when being touched by people, but i think that changes when you really like somebody. A girl I liked onced hugged me and it felt great. I too dislike being looked at or flirted with because I think they might just be playing around with me. But I think if someone wants something serious with you they will try, instead of flirting, to tell to you in a serious coversation.

That is just my way of viewing things and its not really expert advice being that I have zero dating or relationship experience.

Yes I agree with this to the last line,as cheesy as it sounds you have to find they right person,then all will feel right.

 

[Kiwong]

I'd imagine for sufferers of anxiety forming relationhsips like that would be one of the hardest things to do. The only thing to do, is to try, even though there is no guarantee of success.

I reckon positive relationships of any kind can be rewarding, and can build confidence and experience with being around people, which is hard enough. Maybe the trick for social anxiety sufferers like us is to practice relating to people on a non intimate basis first. To build positive relationships with people, and take baby steps towards building deeper level relationships.

I know that for me thoughts of entering an intimate relationship is not feasible. I need to learn to communicate confidently with people on a day to day basis. I am more interesting doing the things I enjoy and living my life more. When you are able to be more relaxed around people, then you are more open to experience, and who knows what possibilities may present themselves?