I usued to be so social, but not anymore

[SMFTW07]

Deleting this page.

 

[Anomaly]

I feel a bit of a disconnect with quite a few of the members here. Many seem to have an idea of a former "social" self in contrast to a sort of social phobic episode that they've slipped into. My situation has been rather constant my entire life.

 

[SMFTW07]

I feel a bit of a disconnect with quite a few of the members here. Many seem to have an idea of a former "social" self in contrast to a sort of social phobic episode that they've slipped into. My situation has been rather constant my entire life.

I'm sorry to hear that, Anomaly. I've been struggling with this since I was 15 and I'm 22 now. It sure does feel like a lifetime even though it hasn't. Before what happened to me in in school, I was always obsessed with my looks, but it wasn't until after that it became extreme.

Although like you said, I don't think I can really compare the two, but I do know how you feel in a sense.

 

[J.Christine.89]

Hey, I hear you. I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from. The only difference is that I was never outgoing to begin with. I was always shy in school and worried every second about how I looked.

In high school, I used to go to the bathroom in between classes and at any other moment possible mainly to look at myself. I would stand in front of the mirror and scrutinize myself until I decided that I looked "okay."

I started to even get social anxiety around my own family members! I always dreaded get-togethers because I felt like I was being judged when I talked to them and making eye contact made me feel super uneasy. I remember there were times when we'd eat dinner and I'd worry about how I looked while I was eating. It was terrible. I mean, in front of my own family! That should not matter... Unfortunately, with something like SA, it can affect how you act in front of those who you are close to, even.

However, now that I am in college, I have really learned to get over it. I realize that people are not scrutinizing me and watching me if I "mess up." I am still on the quiet side, but that is just the way I am. I've learned to accept it.

I still have difficulty with talking to strangers at times (especially guys) because I just plainly feel I look silly or strange when I talk to them. I want so hard for them not to think I look "strange" by minimizing conversation as much as possible. However, I am definitely getting over this. I think to myself "So fricking WHAT if they think I look "weird". This person does not know me and I don't know them. They only have my physical appearance to go by. They don't know ME. For me, this really helps. I become much more at ease. It's just a matter of reminding myself every time that they aren't really judging me harshly and if they are, too bad for them.

I really do feel for you, though. I know precisely how you feel. You WILL get over it. I have gone to see several psychologists and the last one I went to really helped. She had me seeing things from different perspectives and that helped tremendously.

Something like this takes a lot of time to overcome. I've been dealing with it since middle school (eighth grade). I am now 21 and have gone through three years of college already. College has helped tremendously. But believe me, you'll get over this. One way or another. This may just be a little phase in your life. I suggest that you have that "tough-ass" attitude like what I've developed when you think about people judging you. It works for me and it may work for you.

Good luck!

 

[SMFTW07]

Hey, I hear you. I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from. The only difference is that I was never outgoing to begin with. I was always shy in school and worried every second about how I looked.

In high school, I used to go to the bathroom in between classes and at any other moment possible mainly to look at myself. I would stand in front of the mirror and scrutinize myself until I decided that I looked "okay."

I started to even get social anxiety around my own family members! I always dreaded get-togethers because I felt like I was being judged when I talked to them and making eye contact made me feel super uneasy. I remember there were times when we'd eat dinner and I'd worry about how I looked while I was eating. It was terrible. I mean, in front of my own family! That should not matter... Unfortunately, with something like SA, it can affect how you act in front of those who you are close to, even.

However, now that I am in college, I have really learned to get over it. I realize that people are not scrutinizing me and watching me if I "mess up." I am still on the quiet side, but that is just the way I am. I've learned to accept it.

I still have difficulty with talking to strangers at times (especially guys) because I just plainly feel I look silly or strange when I talk to them. I want so hard for them not to think I look "strange" by minimizing conversation as much as possible. However, I am definitely getting over this. I think to myself "So fricking WHAT if they think I look "weird". This person does not know me and I don't know them. They only have my physical appearance to go by. They don't know ME. For me, this really helps. I become much more at ease. It's just a matter of reminding myself every time that they aren't really judging me harshly and if they are, too bad for them.

I really do feel for you, though. I know precisely how you feel. You WILL get over it. I have gone to see several psychologists and the last one I went to really helped. She had me seeing things from different perspectives and that helped tremendously.

Something like this takes a lot of time to overcome. I've been dealing with it since middle school (eighth grade). I am now 21 and have gone through three years of college already. College has helped tremendously. But believe me, you'll get over this. One way or another. This may just be a little phase in your life. I suggest that you have that "tough-ass" attitude like what I've developed when you think about people judging you. It works for me and it may work for you.

Good luck!

That’s funny, because I thought I was the only person who did the whole mirror thing. I do it too much. If people didn’t know me and they saw me looking in the mirror, they would probably think I was conceited and obsessed with how good I look. Sadly, I’m obsessed with how ugly I feel. When I’m out in public and I use the restroom, if there isn’t anybody in there, I’ll stand in front of the mirror and just over analyze myself. I can’t look in a mirror when other people are around me though, because I’m scared to see how I look and then think they’re thinking the same bad thoughts about myself I am. Sometimes I feel okay, other times I regret leaving the house! At home, I find myself going in the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror often just to reassure myself I guess you could say, it’s so sad. Honestly, I hate stores that have mirrors all over, such as Sears or eye glasses stores. I can’t go in them because I’ll keep looking in the mirror and obsess with my looks. I usually these stores feeling worse, and with people being around, it brings me much anxiety. So thank you for that, it brought me a lot of comfort knowing that I’m not alone when it comes to the mirror thing!

I also have a hard time opening up and being social with my family. I’m usually really quiet around them during family events and I never used to be. My family is very fun and goofy, so at times I just feel out of place or like I just want to go home. I also try to keep gestures and hand movements to a minim in case I look stupid or make a fool of myself in front of them when I’m telling a joke or a story. I just really want to have fun with my family at least.

My problem with talking to strangers is, I feel like they think I look deformed or like a monster. It doesn’t help that I’m a pretty skinny guy, so I try to hide my arms in public. I also put my hand up to my face so people can’t see my profile when I’m sitting next to them. Trust me, I have only a few positions I can sit in without feeling bad about myself. When strangers talk to me, all I see is them talking and me thinking about how odd I look. I really want this to go away and I hope I can start to recover just like you.

Thank you for your reply and I’m honestly happy that you’re getting better! You inspire me and give me hope, really. I’m also in college (on break right now) and hoping that I can begin working on my social skills and confidence when I return. Again, thanks!

 

[Tuco]

Now when I meet people, I seem to stumble with my words and at times, I don't even know what the hell I'm saying. My palms start to sweat, I get nervous, and I often just want to run away from the person I'm talking to. I often to think to myself, "People must think I'm stupid and illiterate." Seriously, I leave out words, I put words in different places, etc. It's a mess. After having a conversation with somebody, I often forget their name or really what we talked about, because I'm so harsh on myself and trying not to be so tense. This is really making it hard for me to introduce friends into my life.

I have been exactly like that for the past 15 years, now I'm 28.

 

[Rodney]

Alright let me just throw this out there. I saw your pics on post your pics thread and you're far from ugly. So please, realize that you aren't!

 

[SMFTW07]

Alright let me just throw this out there. I saw your pics on post your pics thread and you're far from ugly. So please, realize that you aren't!

Thank you for the compliment, Rodney. I wish I could look in a mirror or go somewhere and not feel ugly, that's the problem. Family members also tell me the same thing, I guess I just don't see what people see when I look in the mirror. I'm trying to realize it, or at least I hope I am anyways.

 

[Anomaly]

Thank you for the compliment, Rodney. I wish I could look in a mirror or go somewhere and not feel ugly, that's the problem. Family members also tell me the same thing, I guess I just don't see what people see when I look in the mirror. I'm trying to realize it, or at least I hope I am anyways.

I suppose it's a matter of trust -- your peers are your best looking glass.

 

[Acegame]

I recognize so much in what you describe! Maybe I wasnt as social as you were, but I had the ability to easily make friends. I was someone who was able to tell funny stories or jokes. Some time ago I came across an old teacher on primary school and she told me that when i was 6/7 years old I told all kind of jokes in front of class. Also when i was amoung friends i also used to be the one who took initiative to do fun stuff like playing soccer or all different kind of stuff. Also when i talk with my mother about this condition she tells me that i used to be so socially active and happy to be around people.

Although besides this I also remember being really scared to do a presentation in front of class. I also hated summercamps. And when I came at an age people were organising disco parties for their birthday I also didnt feel comfortable. Especially about the pressure of having to dance . That were the early signs for me, but that didnt really bother me allot then yet.

Also at the exact age of 15 things got bad for me and from then on i started losing friends. Eventhough i was never being bullied or booed by allot of people like you have. Actually later on people started to make fun of me more because i cant be myself anymore. Still i try to tell funny stories once in a while (stories that are actually funny) but im just to anxious while telling them it doesnt come over funny. I am so affraid that my personality will never be like it used to be when i was younger, because its to much f**ked up by SA in the years you still are developing your personality (15-18)...

And i so much recognise what you say about being scared to get close to people. I also sometimes am able to get of to a good start with some people but it doesnt get further to the stage of inviting someone over or hanging out in public places and that kind of stuff. So much people get uncomfortable around me (even my mother and my sister told me they feel that way sometimes) that im scared that possible new friends will feel the same. Thats why i avoid it i guess.

 

[ありがとう]

You sound like a lovely person! Don't kick yourself too hard, just do things lightly, overcoming problems one at a time, it is a long process, but you can get over your fears. Try not to over-analyze things, keep your mind occupied with other things, because it'll just make you feel worse.

I can relate to you, I often think if it's possible for me to go back to the person I once socially was, but I don't think I can, people change and this is the person I've become. I learnt to accept that and began to love the person I am. I may not be loud, talkative, funny, confident, but I've come in terms with it, it stopped me from worrying that I'm weird etc. However I still have problems making close friends due to the wall I built up too... You're not alone on this one.

 

[spect01]

Until I was 14 or 15 I was very outgoing (well, much better then now) but it started to go downhill.

 

[DekKO]

This reminds me of myself. I used to be really popular. But I was the guy who didn't just hang out with all of the other popular kids. I hung out with so-called "nerds" and "losers" too. Which I found out those are the friends that would stick with you if you're not popular anymore. I don't know for sure what happened to me. I've noticed i'm afraid of saying things because i'm scared of that annoying pause and then someone says "What?" I just keep to myself a lot now. If i'm with people that i'm comfortable with then I show signs of my old self but of course that doesn't last when I leave. I'm pretty uncomfortable with my body because i'm really skinny and short and everyone seems to remind me everyday. If I start to workout then i'll gain confidence....hopefully.

 

[awkwardamanda]

I've really never been social. I was shy for as long as I can remember. The things that caused that shyness to blow up and turn into more of a social phobia happened during elementary school and junior high. I'm pretty sure I would have been somewhat shy no matter what though. There have been times when I've been a little more social than I am now, but I was never sociable in any normal sense.

 

[lostandproud]

Have you thought of getting rid of mirrors, covering them up? I have a friend who had body image anxieties and that's one of the things that they suggested at a program she went to. Mirrors can be horrible for anyone...and if you do have a bad internalized image of your body its likely that what you "see" isn't what's really there for other people to see.

Try having a few mirror free days....or a week...or a month!