Personal Attraction/Attraction in general
- Thread starter lunarla
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Jake123
Banned
I just found your picture in the picture thread : (yes, I'm mean)
SocialPhobiaWorld.com - View Single Post - Post your picture thread
I'm not gay, but I have NO problem using words like cute, hot or even yummy
Oh and real ugly people do not EVER post pictures of them self, because then don't have any
I'm flattered but I don't understand why people tell me that. I look at those same pictures and I see myself as hideous. I think people are constantly judging me because of my looks. Admittedly I don't have a problem finding one night stands with other gay guys but that's it. I don't find myself cute in any way just because my body is used for sex, if anything I think guys meet up with me because they're desperate but that's ALL they want. I can't get a boyfriend because, even if someone can get past my physical imperfections, that's just barrier #1. No one can break through #2 which is my personality, which makes me feel even more ugly. And it makes me feel used. All I've ever wanted is a relationship but no one gives me the time of day. I'm a loser, after all, and I have no social skills.
Honestly whenever I get complimented it feels like a cruel joke I'm not in on. I just don't buy it, I feel like people feel sorry for me so they're trying to be nice.
I feel disgusting.
brianwarming
Member
I found your picture in the Picture Thread and I have tried REALLY hard to find something you could be insecure about. REALLY, REALLY hard ! Your are easily one on the best looking girls on this forum... hmmm... maybe that's the problem ? your TOO good looking and other girls in school are putting you down ? because they are jealous ? or maybe you have "body dysmorphic disorder" (BDD). IF you have something to be insecure about, it's NOT in the head/face region !
P+G
Well-known member
I definately think that a person's personality can make them more attractive. Sometimes when I'm at a real low point I wish I could be someone else. Even if that person is ugly, as long as she can laugh, smile and be happy with others, I don't care how horrible I'd look. If you have a personality of a brick when you're in front of people, being good looking really doesn't make much of a difference.
iwanttogetbetter
Well-known member
a girl that is attractive, has a cute smile and "most importantly smells nice" is a big winner!! DING DING!! a good smell is so important or maybe its just me but its definitely up there with looks.
brianwarming
Member
OK, that made A LOT more sense. Thanks for sharing.
if you want to have a relationship with the person(or will spend a lot of time with her) it does matter,a person can go from perfect to zero sometimes,unless you are only looking for sex.
lunarla
Well-known member
In my original thread post I think I said I look "decent" in that photo which was my way of saying I thought I look relatively okay, really. I keep on belittling myself, one sec. I look good in that photo? Weird to say. I look like a person. Anyway, I'm not sure if that's actually what I look like in reality or if it's just a good angle, or what. In many other photos I think I look absolutely horrific. Barely even a person. If I were really brave, I'd post one of those.
Things that I'm insecure about involving my face: I think my head is too big, my eyes too small, I can't show my forehead, I get breakouts, dry skin, and my nose is bigger (I have this thought stuck in my head that to be feminine looking you need to have a little dainty nose).
I'm actually okay with my body surprisingly enough. You can change that kind of thing by just exercising and what not. But you can't change your facial appearance short of surgery, which I don't think I could do morally.
Thank you for saying kind things, though I disagreeeee. That photo is a lie or something and I'm too paranoid/scared to post anything else.
lunarla
Well-known member
I see you and everyone else and see attractive people. Literally everyone I see I can pick something great out about them physically (Though, then I usually compare it to myself).
I really try to tell myself that, I do. That everyone has imperfections and that it can be seen as quirks. Sometimes I'm okay, and other times the insecurity gets the best of me! Thank you though, it helps! :
:
Why are you being ridiculous? It sounds like you have are correct, but beating yourself up for no reason. Regardless of what the politcaly correct bleeding hearts will tell you, men are attracted sexualy to women primarily on a physical basis. Women are attracted sexualy to men primarily on a psycho-emotional basis, that is, their perceptions about a man make them feel emotions which then lead to sexual attraction. For women, the physical element is important more for cognitive reasons than it is for physiological arousal. If you would like proof, consider these examples.
1. Men go out looking for sex with any attractive women. Few free men would turn down sex with most physicaly attractive women. Relationships are secondary.
2. Women go out looking for romance with the right man. Most free women would turn down sex with most physicaly attractive men. Sex is secondary.
3. Women speak of attractive men who they are not interested in. Men rarely speak of this and don't realy understand the concept.
4. Men speak of many attractive women they are interested in, but do not know. Women are baffled by this extreme degree of indiscretion.
5. Men demand sex before a relationship has started. Women demand evidence of committment before sex.
I could go on...
Now as for your issue of being "unnattractive". First of all I doubt you are physicaly unattractive for two reasons. (1) You have a mental disorder, social phobia, which can have a subtype based in fear of being ugly. This makes it likely that youre self-image is extremely warped. (2) Statisticaly speaking, there is probably an 80% chance that you look at least average, if not better. Now you also mentioned that you feel worthless because there are so many more attractive people than you. Well, have you considered how many more unnattractive people there are than you? Consider this model in which we will assume, for the sake of argument, that you are "ugly".
____ Very Attractive: 5th percentile. (95% below)
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---- Average Looking: 50th percentile (50% below)
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|<---- You. 20th percentile (20% below)
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|__ Very unattractive: 95th percentile. (5% below)
According to the way physical beauty is distributed in this example, you will have 4 times as good a chance at finding a partner as the people in the bottom 5%. Even those people will still find one potential partner out of every 20 people. So what I am saying is, ODDS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR PROBLEM. You're good-enough looking just as you are. Your social phobia is what is causing you to worry and experience low success in your love life.
I hope this helps. Sorry if I was too blunt or stastistical, but I find that straight-talk works better than bullshit.
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What I meant to say is that personality matters,I just realised I forgot to put that in my sentence.
Lorraine Manca
Well-known member
it doesnt matter how you look. if you looked perfect, just imagine how many people would pass you by thinking you were too good for them. You would only attract arrogant stuck up people. that would suck!
limetree
Well-known member
Oh yes you can't forget those crazy, quixotic, irrational pheromones! D: But like some others have said, personality can actually alter my perception of someone's physical attractiveness. Of course there's always that shallow lust at first sight, but there's no guarantee that alone makes anyone a keeper. If it is, that person is shallow and incompatible with my values.
I don't consider myself attractive so it's not something I can afford to judge others too harshly on, thus it is no huge loss to anyone if I do reject romantic gestures based on physical attraction. I usually won't turn down a friend request to see if a foundational mental/emotional connection is possible though. The importance of physical attractiveness may then be re-opened to evaluation against the connection I already have with the person, (without leading that person on) rather than it being the other way around.
This makes me wonder though, if a guy perceives a girl to be initially physically attractive, will he probably be less picky about her personality? The less physically attractive you are considered by a crush, the more disheartened pressure you may feel to compensate with personality.
Although I accept the evolutionary explanation, I feel as though it is no longer overtly applicable for me. I feel no need to procreate, or even have sex often. The subconscious urges still exist and I understand that physical attraction influences the desire to share even non sexual affection, but human needs have evolved to become so much more multifaceted. Attraction may not be a choice but love ultimately is.
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stand_up
Well-known member
Attraction is like a job resume/CV and the interview...
Resume/CV = Physical Appearance
Interview = Personality and Character
No matter how good you are, you will not get an interview if you have not caught the eye of the employer who is looking through the stack of resumes/cvs.
For love and romance,.. same guy, different hat.
Resume/CV = Physical Appearance
Interview = Personality and Character
No matter how good you are, you will not get an interview if you have not caught the eye of the employer who is looking through the stack of resumes/cvs.
For love and romance,.. same guy, different hat.
Pink_Paula
Well-known member
"Looks" should mean nothing, in an ideal world it wouldn't matter! but if you're not attracted to someone it can make things hard. sometimes people can be so personable, funny, polite, kind, all things that you'd want in a partner, but if you don't find them at least semi attractive, then a romantic relationship wouldn't work! sadly looks shouldn't be important, but they are!
sullyS1985
Well-known member
I agree completely! I have made friends with girls that have amazing personalities but I dont want to become romantically involved with them because there is no physical attraction. I guess that sounds superficial but that is how things are for me.
Pink_Paula
Well-known member
It's not superficial at all, i have met some amazing guys in my life, but i have never thought of them as boyfriend material. For me, if i'm not attracted to them pysically then no matter how amazing they are i could'nt make a realationship work.