Experience at Club - Fail With 2 Girls In A Row

[Phobologist]

Guys the "Chat it up" thing is just a figure of speech like Katie said It doesn't imply that anything is an "it"

Thanks Jake. Yes guys, Im American, and this is a colloquialism here in the United States. It has nothing to do with depersonalization.

 

[Phobologist]

Guys, drop the "it" thing and give him advice!!!
Are we a bunch of English scholars here or what.

This has also happened to me regarding girls+douches.
She might have known the guy or something?

Try to think this way, this depends on what your motive was:
1) Trying to get some practice talking to women in social places
2) Getting laid
3) Just getting to know somebody and see where it goes.

1) Ok, the situation got screwed up but hey at least you got some practice
2) If she went that easily along with the "douche" then you dodged the bullet man
3) You should be happy this happened early, her true colors showed

I would also like to add, do not take it so personally.
This seems like a common thing for people with SA. I talk from experience.
You tried and and you failed but then maybe you didn't fail maybe it was good that it turned out this way.

Hope this makes you feel a little better.

Hey Red, thanks for the advice. Im feeling much better now about the experience and I have a new perspective. When these things happen to you repeatedly its obvious that something is wrong with YOU and not with them. I blow most of my chances with attractive women.

To answer your question, my interest was (3). I wanted to see where it would go. Sex would be great. A relationship would be even better.

 

[Phobologist]

Tell us how the conversations went.

Okay. This is pretty embarrassing now that I look back on it. ::

Girl # 1

Me: Hey, is there a special event going on tonight? There's so many people.
Her: Bla bla bla bla
Me: Bla bla bla bla

Then the douchebag came and she totally ignored me.

Girl # 2

(after eyeing each other from three feet away for like 10 minutes, Sigh)

Me: Hey, is this the smoking spot? Seems like youre the 5th person whose come over here to have a cig. (Smiled to let her know I was joking).
Her: Oh...yea I dunno..something something.

Then we talked for like a minute about where she was from and stuff like that, and she asked me a few things about myself, then lost interest.


I am of the opinion that these conversations were utterly ungeniuine. What do you think?

 

[Phobologist]

You cant base you worth on whether you pick up chicks or not. You should relax more, there could be a million reasons you didnt pick up girls. You just cant take it so serious, take it all wiht a grain of salt. All this dating and game playing is not worth it mostly. If you find a chick that really digs you, you will know it. If oyu wanna be a game player then you need to be more aggressive and compete with the douchebags. But then again its all really not worth it.

So what, you didt pick up chicks, but you still got you. Life goes on.

The douchebag was a sucker who didnt get her either. She had no respect for him. The fact that he was more interesting to her than I was bothers me very much. As for the other girl, I have found that the girls who are eyeing you up are the only ones who ever lead to successes. The fact that she was eyeing me and then lost interest, and KNowing I have social Phobia, and believing I am defective, indicats to me that there is something wrong with what I DID, not with her.

I have statistics on this. Ive failed at over 25 dates that never went anywhere all because of me. Of the 20 that did go somewhere, only 15 did anything SERIOUS, and practically no one wanted to see me again. These are catastrophic numbers. No one can live like this. Its why I have no girlfriend, never had one that lasted more than a few weeks, and have no love life or sex life. ::

 

[agoraphobickatie]

I have statistics on this. Ive failed at over 25 dates that never went anywhere all because of me. Of the 20 that did go somewhere, only 15 did anything SERIOUS, and practically no one wanted to see me again. These are catastrophic numbers. No one can live like this. Its why I have no girlfriend, never had one that lasted more than a few weeks, and have no love life or sex life. ::

uh... then maybe you should try picking up a different type of girl rather than the drunk club rats? you're trying to get girls that already have an idea of what kind of guy they want (ie: the 'douche' drunk club rat) ..see what i'm saying? maybe it IS you, and that's fine, maybe girls at the club don't like guys like you? so what, just try somewhere else? and at any rate, if you're just wanting to get to know a girl and 'see where it goes', you're most definitely not going to find a class act that will be worth your time by bar hopping.... i'm just sayin'...

and remember, i was the first one to straighten out the "chat it up" thing for you, so give me some credit, too! haha best wishes, bud

 

[Phobologist]

Hi Satine! Let's see...

If you were deliberately hanging around with no intention of doing anything other than talk to girls, the girls would notice this. Somebody you don't know who seems not to be doing anything, who then comes over and starts having a conversation with you, is not usually the done thing. When was the last time you saw someone standing about somewhere in town who then came over and started talking to you? What would you make of it?

Yea I was hanging out at the same spot looking around pretending to mind my own business, but I was really there to talk to girls who came out of the club. I didnt go over to the girls, they came over to where I was and then I started talking to them. If someone came and started talking to me and they were cool, then Id be delighted. It would really deal a blow to my social phobia.

If you'd been obviously waiting for a taxi or having a smoke, you'd very possibly do better. You can always offer the girl a light or just start chatting 'to pass the time'.

Yea I don't smoke, but I take your point. How embarrassing. I must have looked like a complete imbecile, and Im sure they all knew my game. Pathetic.

But something about a bloke who's just hanging around just wouldn't feel right to me.

OH god Im so ashamed of myself. The really cute girl (Jeanie), she even asked me who I was there with in a suspicious tone. What a creeper I am.

I realise there's a big drive among men to chat up women, but I'm afraid you'll need to make it all look convincingly uncontrived.

Yep. I dont know what to do then. I have no friends and only one acquaintance. I dont smoke. How else can I meet them unless I go inside?

Not that I mean to nitpick - indeed, I'm only trying to help - but I get the impression from the above quote that you're not necessarily very happy about women generally. Was it intentional for you to refer to her as 'it'?

No its an Americanism.

Was it a bare-faced insult, or was it a cheeky put-down? Two people flirting with eachother may set up little games with eachother / tease eachother just to see how the other reacts. Someone you fancy, after all, might look all the cuter irritated.

I know how to flirt, its that I come accross as phony and insecure. It was a cheeky insult.

One other thing about this: while I accept that it was irritating for this guy to float in and get the girl's attention, are you sure you're not being disproportionately angry at him? Did you consider the girl 'yours' at this point, and if so, in what way?

I don't think she was mine. I was devestated that I was so completely worthless to her that shed rather talk to the drunk, ugly, sloppy, douchebag rather than to me. It was like confirmation that I am utterly unloveable. Why else would she act like that? Theres no hope for me. Id rather die. Well that was how I was feeling. I suspect though that it was my persona that killed it.

You know yourself that male competition for female attention can be fierce. If he used clever tactics to get female attention, surely he was only doing what comes naturally. Weren't you employing tactics of your own by hanging around trying to chat up girls to start with?If you want to come out best out of this situation, figure out how he got her attention and consider trying it yourself.

Its not tactics that count. This socially inept fool got her attention by saying: "Hey girl! Hey girl! Hi five, Hi five!'. He couldnt even tell she didn't like him because he was so drunk. I have BETTER social skills than he does, and yet I still was outright rejected because im not good enough. Or so it seemed.

We've all got our attractive points and you may not be familiar with yours. It might be that other guys see you struggling and swoop in to take advantage, it's hard to say. Whatever, you might need to review your conversational tactics.

Good point, they probably do just that. I doubt theyd do it if they thought it wouldn't work. I dont have any conversational tactics, the whole thing is phony nonsense because Im just worried about getting her to talk about herself and not looking "weird". I never have genuine conversations.

Ah yes, you certainly do need to amend your conversational habits if this is happening. It might have been that she, as a person, just wasn't interested; it happens.

Now that is what I was thinking. I am thinking that they dont like the way my personality comes off when Im in my "mode". Trying to be cool really makes me seem either fake or monotonous. Either way they dont find me exciting or intriuging anymore so they lose interest. Id be better off being my goofy, retarded self.

If you see a girl you fancy, like you did in her case, why not approach her, rather than waiting for her to approach you?

None of them approached me. They were all standing around me. Im afraid of people and girls hang around in groups. If I were rejected on an approach it would kill me. I have done this before and been rejected, many times, and the shame was all-consuming. Its worked on a few occasions, but not many.

I hate to use a cliche, but try being yourself. It's what you do best. And if you're not happy with that, find something that you want to be, whether it's outgoing, geeky, calm, philosophical, whatever. Be it because you want to be it. If you try to be what 'girls would like', you'll end up trying to be everything at once, and that'll just give confusing messages to those around you.

Could you explain this more??? I do try automatically to be what girls want me to be. Im really very silly and like to make stupid jokes. Thats how I am. I pay close attention to people and I want to know about them. I also talk a lot about my ideas. But when Im with girls, im carefull not to seem overexcited, I try to make them think IM not desperate. I try to come of as cool, and non-chalant. I let them talk a lot and dont offer many insights, just a few. I seem really reserved and bordering on uninterested. I am sure that girls would REJECT ME the second I open my mouth I act like my real self. They allready reject me half the time upon my first word, and thats when Im controlling myself. I believe Im not meant to be liked.

Why pretend not to be interested in someone when you are? How can they know you're interested? Look, it's fine to be interested in a person you fancy. Obsessing over them from the start isn't, and a surprising number of guys do that. Just get the girl's attention, give her a smile or flirt a bit, then move on and look like you're doing what you want, be it concentrating on the music, dancing, enjoying a drink while standing at the edge of the dancefloor - whatever. If she's interested, she might come to you. Whatever happens, it's your best chance. And it's what I'd do.

I pretend not to be interested because my friend in college (a gorgeous girl), told me I come off as completely over-excited and desperate. She instructed me to hide my real interest and act non-chalant. Since I took her advice I started having more success. I cant sop being desparate unless Im getting laid, which im not. Im even desperate just for female attention. This part makes me furious, because ive agreed to be friends with girls I didnt like anymore, and they still kicked me to the curb. Its like I cant win. By the way, people have told me my over-excited real self is not very pleasant and weird to be around. So I think I may just be in some real shit here with no way out.

 

[Phobologist]

uh... then maybe you should try picking up a different type of girl rather than the drunk club rats? you're trying to get girls that already have an idea of what kind of guy they want (ie: the 'douche' drunk club rat) ..see what i'm saying? maybe it IS you, and that's fine, maybe girls at the club don't like guys like you? so what, just try somewhere else? and at any rate, if you're just wanting to get to know a girl and 'see where it goes', you're most definitely not going to find a class act that will be worth your time by bar hopping.... i'm just sayin'...

and remember, i was the first one to straighten out the "chat it up" thing for you, so give me some credit, too! haha best wishes, bud

Hey,

Well this is a global problem thats happened to me no matter where I met girls with one, glaring exception. I have had fantastic success at meeting women through friends at kick-back parties (small parties with just buddies). The problem is, I dont have any friends anymore so that's out of the question.

Listen, if I cant have the girls I meet at clubs, bars, (and parties in the past), then I dont want to live anymore. They are the same women I see on the street. In my experience, girls who arent attractive are the ones who dont go out. Attractive women as a rule do. Just because I have social phobia doesnt mean I havent hung around with attractive cool people, particularly girls. I have. I know what they do.

If I cant have the girls who I see checking me out on the street, and the ones I meet, because IM defective, then I am going to kill myself. Thats it.

But, I dont think its at that point yet. I have to keep trying with being my self first. I owe myself a few more years to get this right. I think, maybe, there's a glimmer of hope. Maybe being myself with improved social skills will actually work.

 

[Phobologist]

I think a lot of people here are missing the point ( with all due respect! ). I think this is where the problem lies, and boy can I relate to it! This happens all the time with me ( all social situations ). Where someone seems interested in talking, then once I start talking to them, they make offski very quickly, as though I'm wierd to talk to ( I must be, it happens often ). I also just think I'm an unlikeable guy, but I'm not sure how I am! And when I do interact with people, their faces tend to glaze over, they start to look unhappy, regardless of if I try and make small talk or not. It's torture, so I can fully identify with the original poster.

On the rejection thing, yeah rejection happens to the most interesting human beings, but if it happens continually, it can wear you down to the stage where you wonder what the point is anymore.

Loooool smfff. You and I are in the same cursed boat it seems.

It has a supernatural quality that makes me paranoid and I feel like the universe is controling me. My "success" switch has been flipped to "loser". People reject me for mysterious reasons that seem more like they are being driven by an invisible hand rather than anything IM actually doing. But...I know that this is crazy. I figure it must be the way Im acting, and that probably has to do with my anxiety.

Smff, is it possible, that the way in which we compensate for our anxiety has a detrimental effect on our ability to engage with other people? Perhaps we come off too non-chalant, and false, because our reactions seem contrived, overly-uninterested, and manipulative?

 

[agoraphobickatie]

i'm going to be honest here and tell you my opinion so maybe you can just think about it... i think you have an incredibly warped idea of girls all together. and your strange misplaced confidence in what you 'know' is probably biting you in the ass... maybe you should forget everything you've 'heard' and everything that's 'worked for you in the past', because apparently that's just not cutting it anymore.. i can read you just from seeing your posts, so i would imagine a girl in the club could also see who you are at first meeting.. you're probably just confusing the hell out of chicks with your 'acting' and you probably seem to be trying to hard... you'll never have a successful relationship if you're being fake, and that's just fact, my friend. so you're just going to have to do what everyone else does and BE YOURSELF and get chicks that way, and if you don't always find someone that's going to spread her legs once you introduce yourself, then you might just have high expectations... you said somewhere that some 'friend' told you that your "over-excited real self is not pleasant to be around".. okay, well that's no friend anyway if they don't even like who you really are... besides, there are plenty of nerdy/over-excited/whatever else girls SOMEWHERE that wouldn't mind your over-excitedness... you're doing this all wrong if you're just trying to be someone else, bud.. that will never work. you need to quit worrying about getting ass and concentrate on truly loving yourself, because you just can't love anyone else or be happy without loving yourself first. you can't get confidence from anyone but yourself, that's just fact...

 

[Phobologist]

That's just how people are at clubs you have to be aggresive get up , dance, chat with everygirl there. It's no place for me, but if you like going your just gonna have to have tough skin and if one girl rejects you move on to the next. Everyone is always so drunk there i don't know what your looking for a relationship or a one night stand because women in clubs as well as men are just there looking for one night stands . I wouldn't suggest going to clubs to meet your future girlfriend / wife.

Im just going to have to get drunk. Thats it. I cant do this anymore being sober. I couldnt manage parties in college without alcohol, and I dont think its changed. What a mistake ive made hanging around these places without being wasted. Ive only been beating myself down and doing damage.

I can stand getting rejected as long as I dont think its personal. SOme girl who doesnt like me because of her personal quircks, is no big deal. But when I know its because of me (like it usually is), then I feel ashamed for being so defective.

 

[Remus]

let me get this straight, you hang around outside a club sober until girls fall out of the door drunk and then try and hit on them?

 

[Phobologist]

Hi Serafina, thanks for your insights!

First, I would like to say that it is really great of you to make the effort to talk to women. Even if it may terrify you, you're still trying and that is what you have to keep doing if you want to get better at picking up women.

Well thanks. Thats the only way I ever got laid / hooked up. Its the only way Ive ever succeeded. I guess my SA is weak enough that I can stand trying. But man does it smash me.

Second, you have to see things from a woman's perspective. Namely, mine because as far as I know, I can only speak for myself. When I walk out of a club or a bar and I see a man or men walking or standing around waiting for women (stupid, easy or inebriated women to take home) I automatically think that they're douche bags. Now, I have had men approach me outside of bars at five in the morning asking me if I want to go "party". This comes across as desperate. At that time, everyone is heading home and it's really pathetic and creepy for sober men to attempt to pick up drunk women.

Well I dont like drunk girls that much. At this club everyone hangs around for a good 30 minutes after it closes, so noone was going home. I will try to be careful to avoid that image, however, because they might still think along the same lines. I dont know what a woman's perspective is, how could I? I dont have any female friends anymore.

Now, I am not saying that you are pathetic or that you're anything like the f**k wads I have mentioned above, but you have to realize that it is most likely obvious why you are waiting outside.

Yea, everyone can see RIGHT through me. God what an idiot! And here I used to pretend that I was actually rather "good" at getting girls, at least the first stages of it. Hahahahhahahha. Thanks for helping me see this.

Finally, RESIST comparing yourself to others! You're going to drive yourself crazy with insecurity if you keep that up. Focus on all of your positive attributes. They let you in the club in the first place so there's obviously nothing inferior about you.

The club has to let you in if you pay the money. Theres plenty of things which are wrong with me. When peopel find out, they dont like me anymore.

You don't know that she found this guy more interesting than you. I don't know this because I wasn't there to witness this myself. The drunken guy didn't steal anything from you. The girl wasn't yours to steal in the first place. Besides, one cannot steal a person. Well, if one doesn't count kidnapping.

He stole her because he got in the way of my conversation which was rude. If I was tough and I could have gotten away with it I would have knocked his ass out for that. Thats a no-no, but guys do it anyway.

I doubt the girl was trying to insult the man by telling him that he was hitting on her too hard. She may have been trying to tell him that she preferred to be hit on more subtly or tactfully. She was actually doing him a favor by being honest. Would you have rather her giggle away all the while letting him make a fool of himself? As Satine suggested, she may have been testing the waters to make sure that he wasn't going to freak out if she did reject him. I've had that happen to me and it was not fun.

Sigh, what the **** am I going to do. I cant possibly remember all of this stuff. Every time I learn a game women play it seems theres some other game lurking in the water that I never conceived of. She definately left without giving him her number, so yea, she didnt like him. Now I worry though that I have no idea what women are up to. This makes me furious. Why does it have to be so complicated? Why cant women just stop playing games? Even worse, why do I have to be so bad at the games other people play?

Drunk men can be pretty entertaining and amusing at times. It really depends on the drunk man though. As I've written above, I have had drunk men get hostile with me just because they are the type to get angry when they drink. Sometimes being drunk just gives some men more courage to talk to a girl and some can pull it off. This doesn't mean that you're not interesting to talk to just because you are not drunk or acting a fool.

Yea it does, really. They wouldn't have rejected me if they found me interesting. Maybe I came off as creepy from the get-go, but the way I talked to them wasn't creepy. I think they thought I was pathetic standing around like that, and then when I had nothing to redeem my poor behvior, they decided I wasnt worth their time. Makes sense.

You saw her checking you out and she approached you. This is a plus and it tells you that you're attractive enough to check out and approach! If you see her checking you out you should either be the first to approach her (grin and say something like, "I saw you checking me out from across the room and I felt compelled to come over" or "I see that you just couldn't keep your eyes off me" something fun and smart-ass), send a drink over to her table, or smile and gesture her to come to talk to you. What did you guys talk about in those three minutes? How did you behave and how did she react before she walked away?

Hot women eye**** me on the street from time to time. I know im good looking, but I cant make it work out for me more than 5% of the time. Im shocked you would suggest that I talk about her eyeing me. I never considered doing this. It seems pretentious and completely idiotic, like something a really attractive man would do. Perhaps I should try it.

We talked about stuff like where we were from, what we did for school, work, stuff like that. The first girl just turned away from me. The second girl cut me out and started talking to some other people, then turned to me again for a second, then cut me out again. Then she walked away. **** she was hot too. Im an idiot. Maybe she was testing me because I was acting uninterested?

I am not saying that you shouldn't analyze the situation after it happened, but only do so to try and make an improvement. It will do you no good to put yourself down or discourage yourself. If you made mistakes, learn from them! This kind of thing doesn't come to you overnight. You need practice. You're right, don't behave the way you think you should. Behave like you want to and don't give a shit whether this girl will like you or not. Of course, you have to be tactful. I'm not saying be a complete prick or start picking the underwear out of your ass. When you can be yourself comfortably, others will be comfortable with you.

I cant learn from my mistakes, I dont know what the **** was happening! Thats why I asked for help. Youve got some good insights. Thank god. Ive been practicing for 7 years. ITs not going to get any better that way. If I could be comfortable I wouldnt be here on this website. Id have friends, and a girlfriend, and a life. Im hoping that maybe my new angle of being myself will pay off if I reduce my anxiety. Do you think this is likely?

I hope this makes sense. Make an effort but don't try too hard. Be who you are not what you think you should be. Don't bother trying to impress anyone. If that isn't enough for someone then don't worry about it at all. If that worry starts to creep into your mind stop it in it's tracks and repeat some positive (also realistic affirmations) to yourself. You don't need to get girls or impress anyone in order to validate yourself.

Yes I do. Men who cant get women are worthless losers. Men who arent liked by others are worthless losers. If I cant be liked by girls or by others than I am a worthless loser. The only way I can get peopel to like me is by pretending that I dont get rejected all the time. If anyone knew they would reject me too, instantly. Girls hate losers.

2 Girls? That's nothing. At least you tried! Give yourself credit for that even if you may have not done well. Give yourself credit no matter how small the achievement and keep your chin up. Things are not as bad as you think they are.

Things are to the point of considering suicide at times. However, I would like to think you are right. I just need to know that its not fate. I cant manage being cursed to live like this forever. If it really is my behavior, my attitude or my anxiety, then I can change as I get over my SA. But if its my personality, or some kind of paranoid sentence handed down by fate, then I want to die.

It seems like its my anxiety and poor social skills. How can I get better social skills with this anxiety? Anything I can read? I cannot stop worrying about what others think. I have social phobia. I may be doomed so long as I have this illness.

 

[Phobologist]

let me get this straight, you hang around outside a club sober until girls fall out of the door drunk and then try and hit on them?

Why so quick to assume mate? They werent drunk. I can talk to girls who arent drunk. Most girls Ive gotten, weren't drunk. Im not that pathetic.

 

[Remus]

I'm not assuming I'm trying to understand the way you are picking up these girls. This is why I am asking the question, I'm wondering if the girls coming out of the nightclub think you are doing this, sometimes women have a sixth sense for such things

 

[redski]

EDIT: To Late!

i'm going to be honest here and tell you my opinion so maybe you can just think about it...

let me get this straight, you hang around outside a club sober until girls fall out of the door drunk and then try and hit on them?

Phobologist, do not bother answering those posts.
Serifina as usually tries to see things from both ends.

 

[Remus]

EDIT: To Late!

i'm going to be honest here and tell you my opinion so maybe you can just think about it...

let me get this straight, you hang around outside a club sober until girls fall out of the door drunk and then try and hit on them?

Phobologist, do not bother answering those posts.
Serifina as usually tries to see things from both ends.

I'm sorry are you trying to imply I have a closed mind?

I find this very insulting, especially because of the help and advice I've tried to give people over the years here.

I even asked questions earlier on this thread, to find out how the conversation went to see if there were any holes

 

[Phobologist]

i'm going to be honest here and tell you my opinion so maybe you can just think about it... i think you have an incredibly warped idea of girls all together. and your strange misplaced confidence in what you 'know' is probably biting you in the ass... maybe you should forget everything you've 'heard' and everything that's 'worked for you in the past', because apparently that's just not cutting it anymore..

i can read you just from seeing your posts, so i would imagine a girl in the club could also see who you are at first meeting.. you're probably just confusing the hell out of chicks with your 'acting' and you probably seem to be trying to hard... you'll never have a successful relationship if you're being fake, and that's just fact, my friend. so you're just going to have to do what everyone else does and BE YOURSELF and get chicks that way, and if you don't always find someone that's going to spread her legs once you introduce yourself, then you might just have high expectations...

you said somewhere that some 'friend' told you that your "over-excited real self is not pleasant to be around".. okay, well that's no friend anyway if they don't even like who you really are... besides, there are plenty of nerdy/over-excited/whatever else girls SOMEWHERE that wouldn't mind your over-excitedness...

you're doing this all wrong if you're just trying to be someone else, bud.. that will never work. you need to quit worrying about getting ass and concentrate on truly loving yourself, because you just can't love anyone else or be happy without loving yourself first. you can't get confidence from anyone but yourself, that's just fact...

The Word of Truth From the Lips of a Hot Girl.



1. Yes I have a warped idea of women. I was taught very sex-phobic things as a child, and in highschool women took advantage of me to play games. I didnt take this well with my social phobia. Now I have a revenge complex. If I ever do get out of this social phobia, I will make the female gender pay by breaking as many hearts as I can. Well, this is how I feel sometimes. Othertimes I know this is so very wrong, and I just want someone to like me. I have tried forgetting everything i Know before. Maybe youre right, I need to do it again. Its not working. Im willing to try pretty much anything.

Very well. I don't know shit about women. Anything Ive ever thought is true, is merely a possibility. --- there, done. Now Im completely lost again. Great.


2. Girls don't like who I am. NO one does. I am a silly, retarded, person, who doesn't take shit seriously. Thats who I am. No one wants a person like that. No one wants a person with my defects. People tell me that my over-excited attitude is hard to be around and makes me weird. No one likes a weirdo. Many many many people have said this. Maybe I have no choice?...perhaps I should keep trying to be myself, and to stop acting. I can allways off myself later on when I confirm that there really is no hope. I have a few years left.


3. Id like to switch phobias with you for just a second. You take mine and Ill take yours, then you will see why your statement that I should just "love myself" is rediculous. I CAN'T! I truly believe I am not worthy of anyone. I am just a slimey imposter trying to get by on my good looks and my ability to dress well. Really im disgusting and no girl is going to want me. If you had social phobia you would understand this. I dont think theres a way out as long as my phobia is plaguing me. I have to beat this first. Theres no way.

Thats it. IM totally ****ed for the rest of my life until I get out of this phobia prison. I cant be myself because I get suicidally crushed when people reject me for who I am. I cant love myself or like myself until the phobias gets better. That means im going to lead an unsatesfying, worthless existence, without women in it until this is gone. Im just going to have to try and suck it up and do my best. I can give up if it really doesnt work, after all. But its my only chance to keep trying to beat the SA.

 

[redski]

I'm sorry are you trying to imply I have a closed mind?

I was just thinking things go lost in posts and people should articulate more.
Your one line sentence could be perceived differently for different people.
I think I understand how Phobologist thinks and I just wanted to spare
him some frustration.

Was I wrong in doing that?

PS: Thanks for quoting my message I was not sure if it was me you were
talking too.
PPS: This thread is going of topic again which seems to happen a lot here.
Sorry Phobologist.

 

[Phobologist]

I'm not assuming I'm trying to understand the way you are picking up these girls. This is why I am asking the question, I'm wondering if the girls coming out of the nightclub think you are doing this, sometimes women have a sixth sense for such things

Ok Remus. Well yes I think they might have thought that. One of them asked me who I was there with, and her attitude seemed suspicious. I think they may have thought the worse.

 

[Phobologist]

I was just thinking things go lost in posts and people should articulate more.
Your one line sentence could be perceived differently for different people.
I think I understand how Phobologist thinks and I just wanted to spare
him some frustration.

Was I wrong in doing that?

PS: Thanks for quoting my message I was not sure if it was me you were
talking too.
PPS: This thread is going of topic again which seems to happen a lot here.
Sorry Phobologist.

No worries, lets just stay on topic. Thanks a lot for the support redski.