Facing my fears keeps backfiring!

Hello everyone, I'm a 22yo male with SA and self esteem issues. Recently. I've been pushing through my SA with the help of Pokemon Go. Now I haven't exactly been a chaty Kathy and I avoid groups like the plague but, I occasionally chat with people I bump into. Big step for me TBH. I even met a couple pretty cool guys that I'd like to befriend but, I haven't seen them around in awhile.

Now here's where things have backfired. I keep getting randomly insulted. Mostly in the form of drive by shouting. Here's one example (of many), today I was mowing my yard and it was hot so I decided to man up and take off my hat and shirt. I'm not insecure about my body but, I started balding a few years ago and I'm very insecure about it. I keep my head shaved and always wear a hat. Afterwards some random drove by and shouted "bald qu33r" at me. It's total BS. I have a small yard and live in a small town. I was outside maybe 15min and like 3 cars went by and I get insulted that quickly! I know that drive by shouters are just pussies too afraid to insult someone face to face but, in combination with all the other insults I've gotten the past month or so, I feel like shit and I'm sinking even deeper into despair. :kickingmyself:

Before I started pushing myself to face my fears of judgement. I legitimately thought that most of my insecurities where just me being too harsh on myself. I thought that most people weren't actually judging me negatively but, apparently, It's happening even more that I thought and I honestly want to stop going out before my self image is completely destroyed. What should I do?

Are they people you know or have come across, or complete strangers? Seems odd to me that people can be *******s like that for no particular reason. Also, how did they know you were balding if you were wearing a hat?

Sacrament said:

Are they people you know or have come across, or complete strangers? Seems odd to me that people can be *******s like that for no particular reason. Also, how did they know you were balding if you were wearing a hat?

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He said he took his hat off.

Why would it shock you that people would do this for no reason? People can be awful for no reason at all other than they are just bored.

well the next time before you go mow your lawn, keep your middle finger ready just in case..

Don't beat yourself up over it. Some gutless idiots in cars will yell at anyone. They are not singling you out. It could happen to anyone. I had a bottle thrown at me for no reason. This was years ago. Get it out of your mind and move forward.

Sacrament said:

Are they people you know or have come across, or complete strangers? Seems odd to me that people can be *******s like that for no particular reason. Also, how did they know you were balding if you were wearing a hat?

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Random people I don't know. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the redneck town I live in tho.

S_Spartan said:

He said he took his hat off.

Why would it shock you that people would do this for no reason? People can be awful for no reason at all other than they are just bored.

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So true. I'm not even bad looking.

lonewolfgirl said:

well the next time before you go mow your lawn, keep your middle finger ready just in case..

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Yeah, that's pretty much my go to response.

Maybe I should start keeping a rock on hand :bigsmile:. Might be going too far but, it really pissed my off because I was just mowing my own ****ing yard.

slimjim119 said:

Don't beat yourself up over it. Some gutless idiots in cars will yell at anyone. They are not singling you out. It could happen to anyone. I had a bottle thrown at me for no reason. This was years ago. Get it out of your mind and move forward.

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I like where you're coming from but, I've been getting singled out a lot lately and I can't help taking shit like that personally.

I'm getting messed with because I'm a loner and I'm a loner because my peers are mostly all immature *******s.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I guess what I'm wondering is whether or not I should continue facing my fears and how I should do it.

Should I face big fears like losing the hats or introducing myself to that group of immature peers where I'm bound to get some negative judgement or, should I keep choosing the people I interact with carefully and wearing hats?


I want to overcome this crap but, I don't know if getting insulted for no reason is the answer. It doesn't happen everyday but, It does happen very often. I'm actually starting to get self-conscious when cars pass by and that has never been a problem for me in the past. This is alarming to me because last year I used to rock a bald head and I got some insults so now I'm too insecure to go hat off in public. I was still insecure, just not insecure enough to hide my head.

S_Spartan said:

He said he took his hat off.

Why would it shock you that people would do this for no reason? People can be awful for no reason at all other than they are just bored.

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I completely skipped the part where he said he took is hat off, for some reason.

It doesn't shock me that much, but it still does. Either way, I think people who do that are insecure and have low self-esteem, which in turn makes them act like complete tools.

S_Spartan said:

He said he took his hat off.

Why would it shock you that people would do this for no reason? People can be awful for no reason at all other than they are just bored.

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When I read some of you guys stories it surprises me too. Ive not been openly bullied like that since high school. But I probably live in a relatively nice area i suppose.

The last time anything like that happened to me was my late teens. Seems you're just out of your late teens. It was a body language issue for me.. a lack of confidence that led to an awkward presentation.. I was walking oddly and too fast (walking slowly is correlated with confidence).. keeping my head down a LOT (this one is huge).. possibly other things. I had to fix things and ever since I've had virtually no problems.

In short, poor body language and/or low confidence will make you a good target for insults.

Exposure works great for me at somethings. The more you do it the more it goes away.

As a runner the amount of outbursts I get is enough to fill several chapters of a book. I guess you've got to not let it get under your skin. I'm a failure at that.

Kiwong said:

As a runner the amount of outbursts I get is enough to fill several chapters of a book. I guess you've got to not let it get under your skin. I'm a failure at that.

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Sorry to hear that. If you still run, you're thicker skinned than I am.