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Jennifer

Well-known member
I don't know if it's my shyness or because I'm a really boring person but I can't seem to hold up a conversation for more than five minutes. Whether it's on a chat room or real life.

It really pisses off whenever I see a group of friends talking, laughing, enjoying life... why the hell can't I do that? Oh right... the mental disorder thing... (great ain't it?)

I'm just looking for some insight on this. How do you make friends? (for those of you who have/had friends). How do you have a conversation without the other person immediately leaving? I'm just so tired of being anti-social.

Thanks.
 
You can try the chatbox or irc here. Sometimes, it's pretty fun. Up to you.

Hmmm... Helps to have something in common, some shared interests to talk about. And then there's some things that are just small talk. Or I don't know... Just talk I guess... And no, it's not necessarily easy for 'normal people' (if there's such a creature) to converse well all the time. There's times when there's really not much to say...
 

Jennifer

Well-known member
You can try the chatbox or irc here. Sometimes, it's pretty fun. Up to you.

Hmmm... Helps to have something in common, some shared interests to talk about. And then there's some things that are just small talk. Or I don't know... Just talk I guess... And no, it's not necessarily easy for 'normal people' (if there's such a creature) to converse well all the time. There's times when there's really not much to say...

Common interests? My common interests includes: staring at a computer screen all day, talking to my cat, and playing Call of Duty for 10 hours straight. Yeah, I don't think there's many people tha'd find me interesting.

I just don't understand how people can be all outgoing and careless.
 
Common interests? My common interests includes: staring at a computer screen all day, talking to my cat, and playing Call of Duty for 10 hours straight. Yeah, I don't think there's many people tha'd find me interesting.

I just don't understand how people can be all outgoing and careless.

Many people, especially guys play computer games... That could be something to talk about.
 

SilentType

Banned
You (Jennifer) and me seem to have the same problems. I bet we could talk for hours about this living hell we call our lives. Your focus shouldn't be to keep conversations going, or to gain friends, it should be to just be you. I know it sounds way easier than it is, but if we could just learn to be ourselves and not constantly worry about what everyone else is thinking, we'd be able to live in the moment like everyone else. I don't know if you share this problem with me, but I think of it as thinking a step ahead of everybody else. If I could relax and take life as it comes instead of over-analyzing and trying to prepare for every minute problem, then I'd be just fine.

You mentioned that you're tired of being anti-social. I think you're really being the opposite of anti-social. That term means that you cause trouble and are abrasive in social situations, but you're trying you're hardest to fit in. You're by no means anti-social. You're just another one of us with an anxiety disorder.

BTW: I play lots of video games and stare at the computer for hours too. If we didn't have anxiety, these things probably wouldn't be as big of a part of our life as they currently are. They're just "safe" ways to occupy our time without the company of other people. So until we learn to cope with our problems I think we could spend our lives maintaining solitary hobbies like these. I don't think either of us wants that, so all the more reason to work on getting better!

Peace


Peace
 
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Jennifer

Well-known member
You mentioned that you're tired of being anti-social. I think you're really being the opposite of anti-social. That term means that you cause trouble and are abrasive in social situations, but you're trying you're hardest to fit in. You're by no means anti-social. You're just another one of us with an anxiety disorder.

I got diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder from three different psychologists... so yeah, I think I'm a little anti-social.

Thanks for the advice though... it was...helpful.
 

Luke1993

Well-known member
Like you Jennifer I also cannot hold a conversation for long....and I have an xbox but I'm not very good at games (I should be though cos I'm a geek person). I always die and it keeps depressing me that I cannot kill anyone on the game.
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Just a thought... Maybe those people are not the kind of people who have too many things in common with you and that causes you to get bored of the situation?. Anyway, having a friend doesn't mean that you have to ALWAYS have something to talk about forcefully or else they will be bored. Sometimes there's just nothing to talk about, there's boring days, not so boring days, the other person might not be in the mood to talk too much, or maybe you are not in the mood to talk too much, maybe the other person doesn't know what to talk about, etc, etc, etc. I think, sometimes, simple things like spending time together, playing a game, just enjoying each other's company is fun. There's not a general rule that says that you MUST talk for more than 5 minutes about something specific.

And i might be wrong, but i think there's not a technique or a way to make friends. It's more a matter of finding things in common, getting to know each other, sharing things and stories, having fun together, etc. One doesn't just go and make friends.. it doesn't work that way. It takes time to form a bond...
 

P+G

Well-known member
I understand how you feel. When I'm at home I'm completely relaxed. I can talk and make jokes with my family or even with people who regularly come over to visit. It's effortless, I don't think of what I should say or think of how people will judge me, it just comes out naturally. Once I'm outside at college my mouth just closes. If I'm going to talk to someone I'm always thinking of what I should say before. For the past few years I haven't been able to have many proper conversations with people. Even if I'm not feeling extremely tense and I'm relaxed but not always 100%, I can't think of anything to say. I know I'm not boring because I can do it. People may think I am but I can't help it. It's hard to explain but after so many times of not having anything to say, you yourself begin to believe that you must be dull. But I point this down to Selective Mutism.

On how to make friends, honestly, I don't know. I guess by starting off by saying little things like 'hello' and I've learnt that smiling is good even at people you don't really know so that even though they think you're very quiet they'll also think that you're nice and not moody. I hope that's a little helpful.
 

Jennifer

Well-known member
I understand how you feel. When I'm at home I'm completely relaxed. I can talk and make jokes with my family or even with people who regularly come over to visit. It's effortless, I don't think of what I should say or think of how people will judge me, it just comes out naturally. Once I'm outside at college my mouth just closes. If I'm going to talk to someone I'm always thinking of what I should say before. For the past few years I haven't been able to have many proper conversations with people. Even if I'm not feeling extremely tense and I'm relaxed but not always 100%, I can't think of anything to say. I know I'm not boring because I can do it. People may think I am but I can't help it. It's hard to explain but after so many times of not having anything to say, you yourself begin to believe that you must be dull. But I point this down to Selective Mutism.

.

Yeah, that's me, exactly how I act :(

Your post helped a lot. Thank you.
 
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