your secrets to a successful social situation!?

[Layla]

Hey all, i thought it would be fun to trade "secrets" or things we do in social situations when we are feeling like we cant handle it. So instead of running out of the door making excuses (like i once did!) why you have to leave, what do you do to make your SA more manageable in public situations?

for me, when im at concerts and feeling scared by all the people who i think are looking at me, i close my eyes and pretend im somewhere else. That usually makes me feel better.

When im out at dinner or with friends and feeling left-out or bad about myself, I have affirmations from the net that I sometimes run into the bathroom to read over and over again until i feel i can handle the situation better.

ill try to remember a funny or embarassing story about the person im with to remind myself that not everyone's perfect.

ok your turn!

 

[carebear]

i wish I had an answer for this, but I really don't. each situation is so different for me. sometimes, I am able to pull myself up by the bootstraps and carry on and sometimes I beat myself up so bad that the other person feels sorry for me and decides to end the conversation. People read me like an open book all the time though. every negative/positive emotion I have comes through.

I try my best to smile when I feel myself goin down the same road. That helps me out a bit.

 

[tbaker818]

At a distance (not directly engaged), I've gotten better at minimizing self-conscious thoughts by answering them. Usually, they have no basis in reality, so I can just drop them and move on. It's a matter of creating the habit of noticing. When I first started, I wasn't conscious of most of them, but if you start with the ones you are conscious of, you'll be able to work your way to the next "layer" eventually. This makes me feel more like everyone else and less like an object of their attention.

I think it's good to think of these problems as layers. Sometimes you think you broke through, but you just got yourself to the next layer, which won't guarantee better results. Sometimes you even go backwards for a while but that's the way progress happens.

Lately, I've been trying to remember to focus on the other person or people when I am engaged. It's obviously a lot harder to deal with your individual thoughts and still "be there" when you're engaged. I haven't been involved in enough social situations lately to really make it work for me. I have to make it a habit before I'll really see results. This is the hard part of course.

 

[Kinetik]

One thing that helps for me is to attend anything social with someone (anyone) I know even vaguely. I feel guilty kind of latching on to them but I try to really hide that that's what I'm doing. If I'm alone, I become aware of every little thing - how I'm walking, standing, my posture, how boring I must seem, how I appear to others in general etc. It literally drives me crazy. If there's someone there that I can chat to it helps a lot - it can really take my mind off things.

 

[Drew]

The first thing I do is stop the negative auto-thought process by thinking of something totally non-related. Then I force myself to lift my head and look at the situation (people etc…). Things are never as bad as I believe them to be.

Then I try to determine if there is a real threat. If there is a threat from others I then ask myself if it’s reasonable behavior. Most of the time it’s not and that is enough to allow me to carry on without thinking there is something wrong with me, or that it’s my fault.

 

[maude_lynn]

In my experience, a successful social situation is one that is avoided.

Sorry, that's not very useful!

Ehm, I find that trying not to over-analyze everything that is said sometimes helps.

 

[-cae]

I actually take a beady bracelet with me most places now, and sort of use it like you would worry beads. I usually just roll it about in my hand if I'm a bit panicy. I'm not sure if it actually helps, but I hate leaving my hands doing nothing anyway if they're in view.

I'm not sure if that's the type of stuff you mean.
(although, I never actually get into these situations anyway apart from the obligatory ones, such as school or work. the dentist is as "out there" as I've gotten. heh.. )

 

[paranoid_android]

Well, I believe I don't have secrets to manage my fear on social situations and I should not be replying to this topic. I guess that it depends on my (cranky) mood. When my fear level is too high I avoid any kind of situation whenever possible. If I'm angried I crave my eyes on who stares at me and I forced them to look away. Sometimes, I try to say to myself that what I'm feeling doesn't have a real meaning and sometimes I guess I "think" a bit louder than I should.
But from now on, I can remember that I'm not crazy and I can think of you. Not feeling alone is a start to stop blaming ourselves...i guess.