"You Deserve Better"... Wtf?

[Y]

What does this mean? Ive heard this from someone i really like, he said something like "You deserve better, you dont know me, im a bad person, you are too nice, you can find better than me"

Wtf? I dont want better, i want you... What do you think he meant? I really need advise. I think he wants me to let go of him and thats his way of saying it without hurting me. Is that it?

And btw the person im talking about has social phobia too.

 

[Starry]

Maybe they're just very insecure and have a low opinion of themselves...

Hmm, I don't know if I should go into this, but oh well...

I'm in the position of your friend... There's a really, really great guy who says he loves me... I don't want to push him away, but I keep thinking how there are a million people better than me that he could love, much more worthy of him etc. So I'm forever telling him that he's so much better than I etc... I don't think I've ever actually said "You deserve better" but I've definitely thought it... But the reason I feel that is because I care so much about him - I want him to have what's best for him, and I don't think that's me, because I see myself as so pathetic and useless etc. (If I go into everything negative I think of myself it'll take forever.)

I also won't deny the fact that it scares me a little bit aswell, I'd accepted that nobody would actually care for me ever, and he does, and that's a little scary to me. (Yeah, I'm a freak) Plus he has this image of me being a great person, so I feel like no matter what I did I'd end up being a disapointment in some way or another... (We only know each other online)

So perhaps with your friend it's just self-confidence/self-esteem issues and perhaps fear aswell...

 

[Y]

Thanks Starry for your long, sweet, genuine answer . Thats what i want to belive too. That he really means what he says, and he thinks he doesnt deserve me, cos i think i can handle that.

But what if its the other way around? What if hes too kind to admit hes sick of me? How would i know?

 

[Starry]

You're welcome.

I guess the only way to find out is to be straight with him.. Ask him. Honesty is the best policy.

 

[Darkly13]

From my experience, it sounds like he is trying to let go of you without hurting your feelings. Unfortunately, yes, you may have to ask him to be totally honest about how he feels.

 

[steel_sparks]

the last person that said that to me was actually telling the truth lol i think that being honest with him and asking him to be honest with you is the best way, in my case i knew what she was like but i ignored it because at the time i loved her. it sounds like your situation it's just their insecurities and fears to me. Graham

 

[Ana]

What does this mean? Ive heard this from someone i really like, he said something like "You deserve better, you dont know me, im a bad person, you are too nice, you can find better than me"

Wtf? I dont want better, i want you... What do you think he meant? I really need advise. I think he wants me to let go of him and thats his way of saying it without hurting me. Is that it?

And btw the person im talking about has social phobia too.

When I first started reading your post I was thinking he maybe didn't care for you anymore because, from what I've experienced and heard of, 'you deserve better' usually means that the person wishes to end the relationship because they are unhappy.
This situation, in my opinion, is different though. You and he both have social phobia right? Most people say that with social phobia you feel as if you are always being judged and have this need to meet peoples standards, even though there aren't any. So, maybe he feels as if he isn't good enough for you? Maybe he is afraid that he is a disappointment to you?
Hopefully you both can figure the situation out and move on!
Best wishes!

 

[Sacrament]

I've heard that before. What you have to do is convince him that it's him that you want and find out why he says you deserve better. Maybe you do deserve better? Maybe he's not as good as a person as you think he is? Get to know him better and find out if he would say that out of self-consciousness or if there's an actual reason for it, as in, he would probably hurt your feelings or something.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

my ex told me that too...i think it's just a bad/dumb excuse

 

[Y]

Thanks for all the genuine responses, i had forgotten making this thread lol. I think ive solved the problem a few days after i made this thread. I honestly asked him, wanted him to be totally open with me. I directly asked "are you sick of me and you think itd hurt my feelings to know that?" , he was like "oh, no! dont ever EVER think that". But i still couldnt believe him...

Anyway i still dont know what he really meant then, but its over now, it wasnt meant to last long, we were too miserable together, 2 social phobics dont make a good couple i guess.

Thanks to each and every one of you. Love you all! :wink:

 

[missblueyes123]

I've had a boyfriend well over a year, but at one point I just broke up with him because I honestly felt he could do better and I told him that. So if someone says this to you they could easily truly feel that way. I have low self-esteem and always notice negatives about myself. When I broke up with my boyfriend I was also pretty much convinced he would shortly realize he didn't want to be with me and that I'm annoying or whatever. So I wanted to end it early before he had to tell me that which I thought would make me feel worse then leaving him even though I liked him. But we got back back together after he continued to want me back and told me I'm not a bother. He is a very attractive guy and I'm sure he could find another girl easily if he wanted to.

So this just explains to you how twisted someone's perception of how others see them can be.

I hope this helped you understand more.