Tab said:
She was pretty mad about it saying how bad I've been to her. In reality I haven't done a damn thing. We used to go to movies all the time, I'd drive all the time, sometimes I paid for her she'd pay for me, When we went out places I'd pay for her, when we went out to eat I'd pay and these were friggen 5 star restaurants where the bill would be over $200. I've always considered her a really close friend.
I think this might be just it. The way you treated this girl, it's the kind of way a date might treat her. 5 star restaurants? Driving her to places? Treating her like a very close friend (presumably you mean confiding in her etc.)? All of these things are classic behaviours that we tend to reserve for a partner. If you did all these things and then walked away thinking nothing more of it, she'd have been left standing alone and wondering just what's going on. Most likely she'd either assume she'd done something wrong or that you'd simply lost interest and got bored of her.
The short of it is that she saw more meaning behind your interaction with her than you did.
I know she's liked me and wanted me to ask her out, but I just wasn't into her like that.
To be honest, I'd think you were quite into me if you took me to a 5 star restaurant and paid. If this is what you do for a casual friend, then what would you do if you actually took a bona fide date out?
And now she's taken me off facebook, blocked me on msn, taken me off her phone.
Ouch. Well, if the friendship means enough for you to want to put right then I'd write her a letter, telling her what the deal is. Let her know that you value her but are only looking for friendship. Say that you tend to be a bit quirky inasmuch as you give your friends the very best, but that that's just the way you treat friends and it doesn't mean you're in love. Wish her luck looking for a partner, but make it clear that platonic friendship is all you're after. Otherwise the friendship is doomed.
She knows I like to keep to myself and I'm not close with other people so wtf??
That doesn't mean that you wouldn't date somebody. She's found the unsual mix of behaviours from you confusing and needs it to be clarified. But again, that's up to you whether you do so or not.
And another thing, she's always said she goes out with these other guys and is 'satisfied' by them. I know she could have been trying to make me jealous or something but I've never made a move on her and there's never been anything sexual there.
She's been looking for a partner and, in her eyes, you've been slowly and gradually seducing her. It may well be that she's interested - if she wasn't, why would she continue to go out with you if she was getting everything she needed romantically from other men?
She's been semi-holding out for you, but trying to keep her options open and, perhaps, suggesting to you that she's looking for a partner (which is why she's told you about the others). Her message has been, 'I'm interested in you, but if you're interested in me you need to make the move otherwise you'll lose your chance'. And then you dropped contact with her completely. She must have felt something romantic for you otherwise she wouldn't be upset by this.
She told me she has a bf now but I never saw any proof.
It sounds like she really does think you're something special. If I've read this right then she's still hoping you'll come to her for a relationship.
There's been at least 2 other girls I know of that I've 'lead' on and all I wanted was friendship. Like wtf? Any girls reading this tell me if you think I did something wrong.
I don't think you
knowingly did anything wrong as it's quite plain to me that you've simpy behaved in a way that makes sense to you but not the girls in question. But I think you'd be better off knowing that this is what tends to happen and adjust your treatment of the girls accordingly (recommended. Try taking them to a lower-class place to eat, for a start!). I'd also recommend that you drop into conversation with any girl you do all this stuff with that this has happened. If the girl knows you're only after friendship from the outset, but that you treat your friends like royalty, she'll be able to make more sense of it.
Take care though: she may read this as conflicting behaviour and guess that you want a romantic involvement with her anyway. She'll more likely see it this way if she's quite needy and very much wants a relationship. This is why I recommend that you drop the 5 star restaurants and take them to somewhere cheaper instead! Actions speak louder than words and that certainly applies here.
If a guy doesn't make a move on you but you do stuff together would that make you think he's into you or what?
Again, I'd read it as him taking things slowly with me.
Some of them thought I might be gay cuz I never did anything with them, but I just wanted to hang out.
It might be the other way around. Not every girl wants to be seduced by a man, but many of us want male friends. I get on well with guys so I like to have male friends but don't intend ever to sleep with them. I know that many guys would want to sleep with me (I'm not trying to be boastful by the way, I just mean that a girl is a girl to some men) so it makes sense to me to have gay friends if possible. A gay man doesn't want to have sex with a woman, which takes away the possibility that the male friend will resent me for not having sex.
Therefore, it's just possible - and I don't mean to insult you by saying this - that some of these girls were attracted to you because they assumed you were gay and therefore see you as a safe bet as a male friend.
It's really bothering me cause I might lose a really good friend now...
I hope the above helps you.
