Would you compromise your choice of partner due to SP?

[IceLad]

Would you compromise your choice of partner due to SP :?:

This has been running through my mind a lot in the last few months- getting together with someone who isn't bad, but doesn't quite 'do it'.

Would it be fair on them? Would it be fair on you? How can you be sure unless you try?

Discuss.....

 

[mienaino]

Would you compromise your choice of partner due to SP :?:

You raise a most intriguing point/question.
Frankly, I do not know. I would have to have an opportunity to find out, but the chances are, I wouldn't ever be romantic with someone who didn't fit the bill (it's something that I just don't have enough control over). If I met a potential mate whom I felt something for, but only later found out that it would never work, then I would probably try to drag it out as much as possible, since the reality is, it would probably be the only such opportunity in the given decade. ... but it has never been reciprocated, so I don't know.
I think one would end up a bitter old person either way, but it's just a matter of finding out which will make you less bitter.

Instead, I prefer to not even attempt it, since it seems to be that my solitude is more my own decision than a result of rejection. Not a healthy attitude, I know, but my choices are few, and my fear is great.

 

[haze]

i think the real question is would your shyness allow you to even make this choice in the first place.

 

[mienaino]

....where there is love there is no fear.

Au contraire. By taking fear to mean anxiety... where there is love, there is definitely fear. If anything dissipates fear/anxiety, it would be familiarity, but even then, only sometimes.

 

[IceLad]

Some interesting points so far.

Personally, I hover between the no and maybe answers. Its hard to see anyone readily admitting 'yes', if indeed they've realised it themselves.

I've compromised virtually every aspect of my life since I've had SP, so you could argue, what would be the difference when it comes to a partner? (Although I appreciate there is a heck of a difference between a choice of partner and a choice of job!) You could also say that if you get together with someone, perhaps love will grow in time?

If you have perfectionist qualitites, would it be better to acknowledge that you might be compromising on a few qualities on your choice, rather than continue looking for that 'Mr/ Mrs Perfect', for surely they are never likely to arrive?

The longer you go without a partner, the more and more temptation there would be to just find 'anyone'.

I would argue that there are many non-SP people certainly guilty of compromising their choice of partner due to different factors e.g. age, location etc. Older people may just get together for companionship rather than true love.

 

[Amiyumi]

I voted yes on this poll, but i think i misunderstood.

I wouldn't settle either. i believe that all relationships and friendships need compromise once you're in them, but never a good reason to start them. The guy im friends with met me when i was at my worst, he never saw my face for months, just a girl in a huge housecoat. So he's seen me at my worst, and hes still here. He was the only man (outsider) i could face and talk to, but that didn't mean i was going to throw myself at him :lol:

This topic, it's this reason that we're still just friends, umm... i'll post back when i figure out the best way to explain it. I really can't think right now, my head keeps going blank ahh...

x

 

[rado31]

I dont find compromisses as a good thing, it makes me more confused.
I think i m here where i m only becuse of few emotional attachment to
unpropriate persons.

 

[Amiyumi]

I dont find compromisses as a good thing, it makes me more confused.
I think i m here where i m only becuse of few emotional attachment to
unpropriate persons.

What i mean is that you can't expect to fall in love with someone and they're going to be the same as you. It helps to have some intrests the same, things you can both relate to, but some varitey in intrests and experiences in life makes a relationship thrive to. You have to be comfortable with each other and say what you both want, or you'll feel like you take or give too much.

Love is where you care about someone deeply. With compromise if you disagree on something you can respect their veiw, and they can accept yours. Someone who can compromise is understanding, who will respect your feelings and be patient with you.

example:

If i was with a man and he wanted a more serious relationship, if he understood what i've been through in the past and how physical contact scares me, he'd wait till i was comfortable with him. That's an example of compromise.

If he got mad and tryed to force me to do things i didn't want to, or said he'd leave me, then that's emotional blackmail, abuse. And they'd want their own way, disregarding your feelings, then he's not compromising.

That's what compromise is. A relationship is about being together, making each other happy. Where you are honest with each other and really communicate. There's no control issues, your both equal, best friends.
If i do make friends or find a bf, then I'll tell him exactly what he'd be getting himself into now, with my agorophobia. I used to be afraid to tell anyone, but not anymore. If he's not for me, then that's ok cause then it wasn't meant. All or nothing, a pure, honest, real relationship is better.