would girls really never give us a chance?

[freestylemonster]

There's always a girl out there willing to give you a chance, she's just fugly is all.

hmmm so you want a girl that's able to look past your flaws and love you for who you are, but she has to be hot? That seems kinda hypocritical to me..

Plus that's not even true. Maybe next time you see a girl and say to yourself "I'd talk to her if I didn't have social anxiety" Say to yourself "I'm gonna give it a try...what's the worst that can happen?? She doesn't like me? Boohoo I'll try another girl then!" Remember all girls are different, some like a nice guy, some like a rebel. It's not you personally they don't like, it's just you have the personality they're not interested in. And then go try another girl. You might have the personality she's interested in and you'll both be happy

I've been rejected at the bar like 50 times, out of those 50 girls, I've had nice conversations with like 5 girls AND even made out with two (I was drunk that's why my anxiety was non-existant haha)

Anyway my point is everyone is attracted to different kinds of people, and there ARE girls out there who would be attracted to you. You just gotta keep trying!

 

[kt2222]

to be totally honest with you guys ... it's not the SA /agoraphobia etc that would put me off.. it's the self pitying that is unattractive.

you could be gorgeous.. socially confident.. totally free of this condition but the o poor me attitude is what women will find unbearable.

i think both women and men with condition blame every situation that doesnt go there way on this condition rather than realising not everything revolves around having SA

just my opinion.

 

[no1]

actually even the 'fugly' girls never liked me. btw nobody pities anymore. back in the day, pity was actually ok. it meant sympathy. nowadays it means something more like hatred. problems are never taken seriously anymore.

and like.. yeah sure i know it's preferred that you don't want to see a guy who's down, or whatever, but sometimes it's just biological to feel that way, just because someone is going through a tough time.

but now it's cool to be an asshole. it is now better to deny problems than to deal with them. now if you ARE really unnecessarily just doing nothing but moping when you actually can do something else and should be then I can understand.

But just because someone is going through a problem a girl is going to reject you because you're not living up to her grandiose expectations? Sure yeah a person with problems, you might want to avoid them, simply because you don't really have the time or resources to deal with it. But to hate them personally?

don't the women get it? It's not right to make fun of and bully those truly weaker than you. and to demonize anyone going through problems as if anyone who has problems was simply asking for it?

let's not forget also that suffering is not inherent to women. Or that only women and gays suffer.

and the women eat this up. they believe they are doing a service to humanity rejecting all sorts of men who go through problems because they believe they are to be spitting on such men because they are supposedly "weak" and "coward", and "soft", "girly", or just "stupid". They actually believe that these such men aren't meant to even be alive or they are just here to die off in natural selection. And the men to just torture them. For society to disown them.

and they believe that people with problems asked for it. like they all asked for it because they have a bad attitude, or are faulty, or stupid, evil, etc.

just...

like kids. "hey everyone let's go make fun of the weak, we are doing God's work."

and this over-industrial society as well is messed up... turning people selfish and out for only themselves not really caring about the whole or consequences.

 

[Smokeringz]

Better yourself before thinking about these kind of things. I was in a relationship a little while ago and it was extremely akward for me to go to movies and such, I worked my ass off in planning things to do and to entertain her but in the end it broke off beacuse of my self esteem.

It depends on the person, if your looking for some slutty hot bitch you can either have a six pack or lots of money. if your looking for a nice down to earth girl read up on self help and solve your problems beacuse your not getting into a relationship if you cant maintain yourself.

 

[bleach]

Girls will give you a chance if you can actually talk to them and express interest. Yes people with SA can do that...

They won't give you a chance if you hide in your room or stare at the ground every time you're in public.

Beyond that I don't think there are any guarantees, even the majority of 'chances' will soon lead to rejection anyway. The trick is not caring (I guess; I still do regardless).

 

[Ubersonic]

My "fugly" comment wasn't meant to be taken too seriously. I just think some of us worry about what the pretty ones think too much. I'm guilty of this myself. SA keeps away all of the gals, hot or not.

 

[Broken-Soul]

to be totally honest with you guys ... it's not the SA /agoraphobia etc that would put me off.. it's the self pitying that is unattractive.

you could be gorgeous.. socially confident.. totally free of this condition but the o poor me attitude is what women will find unbearable.

i think both women and men with condition blame every situation that doesnt go there way on this condition rather than realising not everything revolves around having SA

just my opinion.

I think this really is a good point...and its nice to have an honest opinion.

 

[no1]

yeah just leave anyone who is lonely by themselves. make them worse by not giving them the company they need. maybe it's the ONLY thing they need to feel better and stop being lonely. but wth girls are just very picky.

 

[Riiya]

[We'll be back after these messages.]

 

[ripewithdecay]

Think about it this way... you see a fat, ugly, undesirable woman and you think to yourself "Wow, there is no way I would... etc etc."
Then you see a very beautiful woman, and now you're thinking "Oh my god she is hot! I would do ANYTHING for that woman!"

All of this is an instantaneous, natural male response to seeing two different types of women. The choice is not yours - it just happens.

Now compare that to how women see men.

They don't go by physical beauty, they go by character/personality, and how a man carries himself. Keep in mind they didn't choose it to be that way. It's just the way it is.

As soon as they detect a weak, pathetic, low self esteem guy they immediately declare him 'undesirable'.
But when they happen upon a self confident guy who respects himself (who doesnt have to be rich,good looking, or dress a certain way)....they automatically deem him 'attractive'.

It's instant, it's subconscious, they don't have a choice, it's how they're wired as females.

Think about it.... we have it easier. We can -change- our personality.
They, however, have a much more hell of a time trying to look beautiful if they're not already born that way.

I consider myself a weak guy. I admit it. I'm still a fucking crybaby. But i'm only still this way because of habits that i've repeated all my life. It is nobody's responsibility to change those habits but my own, and i'm done with blaming and entire gender of the human race (females) for my own bad luck. I can get out of this shit way of thinking about myself, and so can everyone else. It just takes time, patience, understanding, and a bit of hope.

Don't ever forget who the real enemy is here.... your own self.

 

[no1]

but I have no way of solving my problems.

 

[raylite]

and like.. yeah sure i know it's preferred that you don't want to see a guy who's down, or whatever, but sometimes it's just biological to feel that way, just because someone is going through a tough time.

Inevitable truth of life #1 - SUFFERING

but now it's cool to be an asshole. it is now better to deny problems than to deal with them.

No its not better to deny your problems, its better to face reality and deal with your problems in skillful way.

 

[Broken-Soul]

but I have no way of solving my problems.

I know its easy to think that after years of living with anxiety and depression and any mental health problems.And im not gonna get on my high horse and tell you that thinking like that aint gonna help... cos its so hard not to think like that.

BUT maybe you dont have to solve/cure your problems.Maybe you can learn to live with them?Maybe you might not ever be able to get over the all together but maybe you can get to the point where you can accept them and get on with life anyway.

Its really easy to have a black and white view of things when your ill,but there are shades inbertween.

 

[weak]

There's always a girl out there willing to give you a chance, she's just fugly is all.

hmmm so you want a girl that's able to look past your flaws and love you for who you are, but she has to be hot? That seems kinda hypocritical to me..

Even if the original poster was joking, this does seem to be the mindset of many people on this forum :?

 

[Jura]

OK. I can't be fucked reading the whole thread, but:

Girls aren't aliens, girls are humans, just like us men. I don't know how many of us here are aware of that, but it's true. Yeah, weird, I know. Contrary to popular opinion, us and them are from the same planet, Earth. They view men in the same way that men view women, the overall infrastructure of their attraction mechanisms are the same. The reason they prefer strong, extroverted men is the same that men nowadays prefer assertive, extroverted, women. They look for the same characteristics in us that we look for in them, and that means good looks, an extroverted fun-loving nature, intelligence, sense of humor, creativity, depth, etc. IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME!!!

That means, that most women aren't going to go for social phobics, because most are negative and introverted. But some are still drawn to that, just like some men like introverted women. Just be yourself, and be happy with who you are, get a positive outlook on life, and get over your social phobia. Easier said than done, I know, but you have nothing to lose, so you might as well start trying. And why would anyone want to be with someone with a mental illness anyway? Of course they're gonna look for someone else. If you're happy with yourself, there's gonna be enough women who are going to like your personality and be attracted to it.

Look at this guy, for example: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch. He's an introvert, but without confidence or self-esteem issues, or shyness. And he's fine!

Also, forget the crap John Gray says, it's wrong. Men and women are fundamentally exactly the same. Also, forget the crap PUAs try to sell you, it's wrong. The illusion of a high success rate is because 95% of men never need to look at it, because they don't have any trouble with women. Those who do learn a few cheap tricks, and are amazed at how much they improve, but that doesn't last, seriously. 95% of guys don't need to and never do look at it, because they know that women aren't that much different, and simply act natural, being themselves, and attract girls naturally. It's not rocket science, it really does come naturally! they're just making it sound hard, but it really isn't!

This is sort of a response to all girl-type threads around here.

 

[Richey]

I automatically assume all girls are either taken or would only hang out with the coolest most popular people they can find, which is perfectly silly but i dont know, i see it happening everywhere...they seem to have this swagger of natural confidence in how they move and talk where they can hide their problems very well, you wouldn't notice unless they told you they had issues.

If i could make friends in the first place that would be a leap forward

 

[CK23]

I think the best kind of friend a guy with Social Anxiety can have is a girl who isnt his girl friend but just a good 'there for you' kind of friend... and it's better if she isnt having SA cos an extroverted, confident, 'in control' kind of girl is just what Socially anxious guys need... It isnt black and white, this idea that a confident, together sort of girl is always gonna look down on guys who are anxious and having confidence problems, on the contrary some girls actually prefer nice, shy kind of guys to overconfident, mean and outspoken guys... I think girls would probably give us a better chance than any guy would... Usually Women are more sympathetic and sensitive than men...

 

[ventriloone]

except the characteristics that accompany SA are notoriously unmanly and not necessarily unfeminine. Does anyone on the world care if their wife/girlfriend is shy? I bet not. I think most guys see a shy girl as a challenge.. i don't obviously but i mean, yea

 

[Quickslash]

Back when I was working out, and going out more by myself. I was getting a lot of strong body language from women.

Had girls being overly friendly etc...especially when I had this cool leather jacket I have on lol...

It's fucked up...cause now I'm just an out of shape, fool. I had my chance and I blew it...OVER 9000 TIMES!

There's a bunch of people in this thread with a really grim outlook...in that they've just decided "No we don't have a chance"

You always have a chance...until the day you die you have a chance.

You shy away from people your whole life...what do you expect? You have to meet and talk to A LOT of different girls before you find one that understands you. Because let me explain one simple fact here...Extroverts > Introverts

We are outnumbered.

I'm guessing most of us are introverts...people who get their energy being alone.

Those girls you see acting all bubbly and talkative...high chance of extroversion, high chance they like guys who are very social like them.

I accepted I am an introvert...I don't want friends, because I do not enjoy friends.

I do however want a girlfriend and I am willing to make a sacrifice of my own enjoyment for that. Sacrifice2win.

 

[Sad-Kitten]

Good post Quickslash.