Worried that what I say to my psychologist could get me in trouble...

[evil feline space cadet]

Okay so i finally sorted out therapy.
I was told nothing leaves the room unless the person/others are in danger or if there's law related stuff involved.
But things have happened me that i believe have affected my life:

Apparently this counts as sexual abuse. I know they notify people of statutory rape and probably actual rape, to avoid others being in danger. (he's been with his gf years now - so doubt anyones in danger.).. But i dont know if they'd tell the guards or anyone about this...

Was with a guy when I was really young.
We were both 16 i think...
I was mad about him (you know the way when you're that age its so easy to think you're in love).
He wasn't completely terrible - like he did treat me fairly well (though thats only in comparison to other guys ive been with so doesnt say much),
but for the whole year and a half we were together, he'd try to force me to do things i REALLY wasnt comfortable with or ready to do.
He'd argue with me for hours when i refused, til i was in tears, and made sure he got his own way.
He'd also send his friends out of the room for a minute while he did stuff/got me to do stuff.
I always begged him not to tell anyone cos i was ashamed and felt really dirty, as if i was in the wrong.
But it was obvious that sending them out of the room was his subtle way of bragging to them.
Actually he took every opportunity to make people aware of the fact we had done stuff, (our ****ing parents included - arsehole!) and made out as if i loved it - when it was actually destroying me.
He once took out his little sisters raincoat and used it as contraception when he forced himself on me. I wasn't long pushing him off - that was just too far....sick like!
He didnt care about how i felt as long as he got what he wanted.
I remember i was going on a school trip for 5 days, and he made me promise to lose my virginity to him when i got back.
I left him as soon as i got back btw.
A few years later i was in a bar with an girl, who was an ex of his, who was my friend at the time. She told me that while he was having sex with her he said "Why didn't i lose my virginity to you instead of Charlene?"
That was the last straw, i darted out of the bar, picked up a rock and made my way towards his house. It was miles away but i didnt care - i was gonna smash his window!
My friend and her boyfriend actually had to grab me and throw me into a cab.
He lied to everyone, about something that big, even though i blatantly refused to give in throughout our whole relationship.

I also have thoughts about killing people... brutally, on a regular basis. Though these are people who hurt me by insulting or bullying me, and its usually spur of the moment. I've visualised pushing my housemate down the stairs while she was giving out to me. I'm terrified that telling the psychologist this, could result in me being put into a mental hospital. It seems likely. Does anyone know anything about these things in Ireland?
All i ****ing want is help, not the drama of having to deal with him again or having to ring my mother and surprise her by telling her that her daughters in a mental hospital!

I thought you could tell a therapist anything - but im bloody scared now!!

 

[philly2bits]

I'm not sure about Ireland, but if psychologist are anything like here in America then you have little to worry about. To my knowledge, a psychologist can only go to the police if through talking with you they believe a crime will likely be committed in the future. They will not go to the police because you tell them of a crime was committed in the past. It may be best to ask though as I am not sure to the exact laws.

It's not too likely your psychologist will put you into a mental hospital. First off I do not believe they have the authority to do so. Secondly, they are professionals. They will not overreact to you mentioning thoughts of killing people. I'm sure they deal with that kind of thing all the time. It's there job to know when things are getting dangerous. They know the warning signs to look for when a possible crime may be committed and would most likely warn you about it so that you can try and handle it yourself before it goes too far.

I think it's best you go to them and tell them these thoughts. They are there to help you with them first and foremost. They can get to the root causes of why you have those thoughts and give you guidance for overcoming them. The positives you can get out telling them are far greater then the negatives. You've made it this far in getting to therapy, now is not the time to hide things.

 

[Nack]

I'm 110% sure that you will not end up in a mental institute... Something like that is understandable. I've heard of similar stories here in the USA, Its not something that is uncommon anymore. Like Philly said, they can't really do anything about something that happen years ago. If its something that is tearing you up inside, you definitely need to speak up. Especially if its contributing to the urges, you might end up doing something you'll regret in the future. I know for a fact that you can't just bottle up emotions forever, the bottle will leak and that's all it takes to do something horrible.

Your situation is understandable, you will not get sent to a crazy house for it. I guarantee it.

 

[Kat]

I agree with both philly and nack. They would be in more violation with the law to report that, then you expressing that, you have every right to feel the way you do.