FMA102
Member
About two years ago, I moved states after graduating high school to live with my dad while I attended college. I knew nobody and felt alone, and like most people here, I'd been a social shut-in much of my life, so that didn't help much.
Before moving, I'd been on a messageboard that had a fairly tight knit community and I'd been posting there over the last few years. I just so happened to move near a couple of the members there, and soon we agreed to meet up. The members were two guys I gamed with online as well and another girl, who I had never interacted much with on the messageboard (we'll call her Dana).
We all went out to see a movie, and we had a blast. It was great to be out with people I could connect with, and there was a really weird, really cool factor to finally meeting these people I'd been talking to online over the past few years. Eventually we called it a night and headed home, saying our farewells and parting ways.
But when I woke up the next morning, I had a message from Dana.
That was the start of our relationship, I suppose, and soon we began hanging out. We proceeded to date for the next 1.5 years or so, and for the first half of it all, it was magical. We were both the same age, weird and introverted, and had plenty in common. I fell very much in love with her and I had never gotten so close to anyone in my life, and I had never had such a good friend (on top of her being my first first girlfriend).
But things didn't last. After a while, Dana became very cold and unaffectionate toward me. I would talk to talk to her about it, and for a while things would get better, but then they'd just get bad again. Partway through she also mentioned to me that she might've been bisexual and was a little confused by it. She didn't make it seem like a big deal and only came up once, so I didn't give it much thought.
Eventually I became fed up with her growing apathy and dumped her.
And that was when she revealed to me she'd been gay all along and had been using me to cover her sexual identity.
My world came crashing down. I felt dumb, sick, angry, ugly and used. I spiraled into a deep depression and cut all contact with Dana.
Here I am over a year later. I'm still single and while I'm not nearly as hurt as depressed and hurt I was, I still have very poor self-esteem and no confidence in myself as a result. I've been working to try and fix both, but it's been a really slow journey. I feel like, me being the socially strange person that I am, has only hampered my efforts.
About a week ago, we started talking again and hung out. I can safely say I'm no longer in love with her (at least not madly in love)...I definitely still have love of her...but none of my old feelings returned when we were together, even when we hugged and said how good it was to see each other again.
She also said our relationship had been genuine; she just wasn't attracted to me. I take some comfort in knowing that now, but still...it doesn't change the fact that she used me. And when I learned that she's really dating girls now. I know I didn't make her gay, but...I don't know.
It's just been a total mindscrew for me.
Has anyone been in a similar boat?
Before moving, I'd been on a messageboard that had a fairly tight knit community and I'd been posting there over the last few years. I just so happened to move near a couple of the members there, and soon we agreed to meet up. The members were two guys I gamed with online as well and another girl, who I had never interacted much with on the messageboard (we'll call her Dana).
We all went out to see a movie, and we had a blast. It was great to be out with people I could connect with, and there was a really weird, really cool factor to finally meeting these people I'd been talking to online over the past few years. Eventually we called it a night and headed home, saying our farewells and parting ways.
But when I woke up the next morning, I had a message from Dana.
That was the start of our relationship, I suppose, and soon we began hanging out. We proceeded to date for the next 1.5 years or so, and for the first half of it all, it was magical. We were both the same age, weird and introverted, and had plenty in common. I fell very much in love with her and I had never gotten so close to anyone in my life, and I had never had such a good friend (on top of her being my first first girlfriend).
But things didn't last. After a while, Dana became very cold and unaffectionate toward me. I would talk to talk to her about it, and for a while things would get better, but then they'd just get bad again. Partway through she also mentioned to me that she might've been bisexual and was a little confused by it. She didn't make it seem like a big deal and only came up once, so I didn't give it much thought.
Eventually I became fed up with her growing apathy and dumped her.
And that was when she revealed to me she'd been gay all along and had been using me to cover her sexual identity.
My world came crashing down. I felt dumb, sick, angry, ugly and used. I spiraled into a deep depression and cut all contact with Dana.
* * *
Here I am over a year later. I'm still single and while I'm not nearly as hurt as depressed and hurt I was, I still have very poor self-esteem and no confidence in myself as a result. I've been working to try and fix both, but it's been a really slow journey. I feel like, me being the socially strange person that I am, has only hampered my efforts.
About a week ago, we started talking again and hung out. I can safely say I'm no longer in love with her (at least not madly in love)...I definitely still have love of her...but none of my old feelings returned when we were together, even when we hugged and said how good it was to see each other again.
She also said our relationship had been genuine; she just wasn't attracted to me. I take some comfort in knowing that now, but still...it doesn't change the fact that she used me. And when I learned that she's really dating girls now. I know I didn't make her gay, but...I don't know.
It's just been a total mindscrew for me.
Has anyone been in a similar boat?
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